Suggestions on this poem I wrote...?

Question

The Real Me

To you, I am a friend,
a classmate,
someone you talk to.
You know a little
about my past.
But you still do not
know the real me.
The real me
hurts all the time.
The real me is afraid
of what tomorrow may bring.
The real me is suffering
because of mine
and others mistakes.
The real me is weak,
but I do not show it,
because I want to be strong.
The real me is losing faith.
The real me wants help,
but the person what I am
trying to be does not.
Who am I trying to be?
Someone who has no
worries or cares?
I am trying to be someone
who wants to fit in,
when the real me
wants to stand out.
The real me wants
to be different.

I want to know what you think, so I can make any corrections before I submit it to a local poetry contest. Please includ any gramatical mistakes if you happen to find any. Suggestions are greatly appresiated.

Thanks for your help,
Nikki

Also, let me know if you have a better title in mind that fits the poem better.

Answer 1

Nikki - The Side I Hide

You are in a dilemma. You know how want to be percieved. You know how you really feel about yourself. I wouldn't be to concerned. Most people have a side about them a real me they don't want to show.

An example is the image Paris Hilton portrayed but she she sure didn't come across that way when the judge sent her to jail for several weeks. Paris showed her real image. I don't blame her either.

To you, I am a friend, a classmate,
A face in the hallway, someone you talk to.
You know a little, but not much
about my past, just what I share
But you still do not & I won’t share the real me.
Deep inside is The real me and I cry
I hurt all the time, my heartaches
The real me is timid and frozen with fear
Anxiously fretting what tomorrow may bring.
because of mine and others mistakes.
The real me is suffering
The real me is weak, but I do not show it,
because I want to be strong, knowing I’m not
The real me is losing faith.
The real me wants help, but I fear asking
but the person what am I Whom and I and Why do I exist?
trying to be does not.
Who am I trying to be?
Someone who has no
worries or cares?
I am trying to be someone
who wants to fit in,
while the real me
wants to stand out.
The real me wants
to be different.

Answer 2

I thought it was great. And the title fits in well. But where you said "the real me wants help \ but the person what I am", I think you meant "the person who I am" right? Just pointing that out. And yeah, wrong section but whatever. You probably just went with the yahoo!'s automatic suggestion thing. Nice work.

Answer 3

Overall, I'd say that this poem is a sure winner, if not a close runner up. I'm a poet myself, and I know how hard it is to produce a good poem, even just for personal enjoyment. You're doing well, very well indeed. Keep up the good work, and if you don't make it this time, maybe next time.

Answer 4

The real me wants help,
but the person what I am

make it, the person WHO I am.

just a small grammatical error, but it's pretty good, depending on how old you are...

Answer 5

Suggestion : Put it in the poetry section, not mental health section.