Check out this poem I wrote?

Question

The Real Me

To you, I am a friend,
a classmate,
someone you talk to.
You know a little
about my past.
But you still do not
know the real me.
The real me
hurts all the time.
The real me is afraid
of what tomorrow may bring.
The real me is suffering
because of mine
and others mistakes.
The real me is weak,
but I do not show it,
because I want to be strong.
The real me is losing faith.
The real me wants help,
but the person what I am
trying to be does not.
Who am I trying to be?
Someone who has no
worries or cares?
I am trying to be someone
who wants to fit in,
when the real me
wants to stand out.
The real me wants
to be different.

I want to know what you think, so I can make any corrections before I submit it to a local poetry contest. Please includ any gramatical mistakes if you happen to find any. Suggestions are greatly appresiated.

Thanks for your help,
Nikki

Also, let me know if you have a better title in mind that fits the poem better

Answer 1

Without rewording the whole thing, I think the point is very good and I identify.

Some slight changes

You know me:
A friend,
a classmate,
someone you talk to.

You know:
Little about my past.

You do not know
The real me.

The real me:
Hurts all the time,
is suffering, and afraid
of tomorrow.

You see:
Someone with strength, who can do it alone.

You do not see:
Me losing faith, me needing help.

You need to decide where to put the ending parts in to make the whole thing flow. You can do it! I hear what you are trying to say, its just a little jumbled.

Answer 2

I like your poem, it is a common theme of many youth and you use a nice style when you juxtapose the two sides. Try reading aloud to get the alliteration and rythym. You have one typo after but the person, should be THAT I am. Maybe work on the ending a little more? Good start and very emotional.

Answer 3

Dear Nikki,

A better title might be:
"The real Nikki?"

I wanted to be different too; just don't try so hard to "stand out" that the real you gets forgotten. Maybe the reason the real me is hurting and afraid is because she is being forgotten in the rush to fit in as a stand out. It is not disgraceful to hurt and fear. It is disgraceful to your inner soul to try to be someone you aren't.

Real nice blank verse.

Love,
Mad Mac

Answer 4

sounds like you have self esteem issues. i do like your poetry though. try to write something positive, you want to feed yourself positive notes. maybe you are trying to reach out to someone or everyone. think about it. you are very talented though.