my mom as been struggling with cancer for pretty much all my life. she is in really bad shape now with lung cancer. i have already lost my father when i was real young.
she is only 57 years old right now and i am really scared. i have one sister who is a little older than me.
i want to spend as much time as i can with her, but it's hard.
we knew she was going to die for years now. i have been telling her to sell the house she's in now for a long time. it's too big and she can't maintain it.
i don't know what to do. i have so many things in my life right now. i just bought a house, i have a job (of course) and i just don't know how to deal with this. i see her as much as possible and i don't want her going through this alone.
i was wondering if anyone else out there has been through anything similiar. i feel guilty, sad, scared....pretty much every bad emotion you can feel, that is what i am.
just typing this is therapeutic for me. she can't get around much
2007-11-12 11:16:14 · 13 answers · asked by lennon196798 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
If your mom is alone, contact a local hospice. She can stay at home and they will make sure she has what she needs to make her last days comfortable. If she is willing she can even go to live at one. The hospice I had when my husband died at home took care of all the final arrangements. The people that work at hospices are awesome, at least those I have experienced.
It is very hard to watch someone die, but God will give you the strength to get thru it all just ask him. Take one day at a time and do what you can. All your emotions are normal and it is OK for you to feel the way you do. Crying also helps....
Hospice is also there to help you not just your mom. They have people who will sit with her, run errands etc. I would surely try calling them. If typing your feelings and thoughts help do it when ever you can. You have to take care of yourself, or you won't be able to be there for your mom.
Take care, and know that someone out there will be thinking of you and praying for you.
2007-11-12 11:40:09 · answer #1 · answered by yurcy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My mother died from cancer, she was 59. I was living 1200 miles away and couldn't see her more than a couple time a year. My sister lived even further away.
We went through pretty much every emotion you are going through and all I can say is that is normal.
Does it get better afterwards? Yes, in some ways it does. Her struggle will be over and the pain will be gone.
Do what you can for her now and try to remember the good times when she is gone.
2007-11-12 11:23:38 · answer #2 · answered by Dan H 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is it possible that she could sell her house and move in with you?
If not, let her stay in the house and get her a housekeeper to come in twice a month.
As her time comes nearer, the hospice system in this country is very good and they will keep her comfortable while she goes through her process. Using them will take much of the burden off of you, including the financial burden. They are a volunteer organization.
My mother is going through her process though it is early days yet. She lives in an assisted living facility. This is another option. If your mother sells her house, she can then pay the monthly fee to live in such a place.
Just remember, death is a process. All of us have to go through it. We each chose our own path - some of us do it through fear, others are resigned to it and still others welcome it. It is a choice - yes, even this is a choice...that is what life is.
Good luck.
2007-11-12 11:27:31 · answer #3 · answered by Scout 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't know how close our lives parallel one another.I lost my mother to lung/brain cancer when she was 57 as well.The best thing to do is also sometimes one of the scariest.Spend time with her and ask her any questions you have about her side of the family and her past.I did not learn until my mom was gone for a few years how messed up her mother left her,and it was by the fortune of me having my grandmothers diaries and being close to one of my aunts that I am starting to understand my mother.Now I have more questions for her than ever,and she can't answer them for me.Please feel free to e-mail me whenever you need to at sacred_hart@hotmail.com,or you can add me to yahoo messenger at sacred_hart_99.Cancer is a scary thing,for both the patient and the family.Just treasure the time you can spend with your mom now,and you will cherish those moments later on.
2007-11-12 11:37:06 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel so bad 4 u and your mom. Just chill, and enjoy the time that u have with her right now. When she's gone, just think: "She's in a better place now. She will not suffer from pain or illness anymore.". And, think of it this way; you will be reunited with her and your father when you die, and go up to heaven. Try 2 have u and your mother say prayers when u wake up, before every meal, and before u go to bed. Pray that if she shall go to the heavens, you shall still love one another. If she shall live through cancer, god thank thee's heart and soul. Or some kind of that mumbo jumbo.
2007-11-12 11:30:27 · answer #5 · answered by Angie P 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest doing what you are doing. Visit her as much as you can and just spend time with her. Perhaps you should help her sell the house and maybe move her in with you or your sister if she gets to come home and doesn't have to stay at the hospital. That's all you can really do is be there for her and make it as comfortable as you can for her last days.
2007-11-12 11:20:12 · answer #6 · answered by ~Sara~ 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
make sure you make her last moments and days in life as wonderful as you can. journal for your minds sake and hold onto the positive moments. if this is near the end help her prepare a will and plans pray and always remember that family is your number 1 so be there for her. you are in my prayers. god bless
2007-11-12 11:21:33 · answer #7 · answered by Jamie L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's sad to read about your mum my thoughts are with you and your family. My advice would be to treat each day as if it's the last and enjoy your time together i know it easier said than done but you can do it be strong for your mum good luck my thoughts are with you. xx
2007-11-12 11:29:23 · answer #8 · answered by emma2107 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Show your mother the best years of her life now and dont take her for granted cherish every moment with her.
>:D
2007-11-12 11:20:19 · answer #9 · answered by spiralls 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
JUST HANG OUT WITH HER AS MUCH AS YOU CAN AND MAKE SURE SHE IS SAVED BY JESUS. WHEN YOU HAVE JESUS DEATH ISN'T SO SCARY B/C YOU KNOW THAT YOU WILL GO TO HEAVEN FOREVER. JUST ENJOY WHAT YOU HAVE KNOW....TAKE LOTS OF PICS AND MAKE A FEW HOME MOVIES STUFF LIKE THAT WORK ON A SCRAP BOOK WITH HER IF SHE IS ABLE.....GOD BLESS
2007-11-12 11:19:39 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋