I was working on a first draft of my half of the guest list (I'm the bride-to-be!) and I plan on inviting my mother's best friend from high school, her husband and their two kids, ages 22 and 20 (we're also very good friends!).
The more I thought about it, I realized I would like to invite this woman's brother, because he has always been close to my family, as well.
Now, he has four kids and one of those is an ex of mine.
The relationship ended on horrible terms and I truly don't want him at my wedding.
Should I invite just the father or should I just avoid the situation all together?
2007-11-12 10:38:52 · 17 answers · asked by sofia 5 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
I should have clarified that this man is not married. :)
2007-11-12 11:24:28 · update #1
Also, Tmarie99, he (my ex) still does live with his father. but, i don't see why that would mean i have to invite him, so what you said makes complete sense! Thanks so much!
2007-11-12 11:35:03 · update #2
There is no need to avoid the situation. Sending the father an invitation is perfectly okay. It is his decision if he wishes to attend or not. It is your day after all & by inviting people based on other people's wants would be impractical & costly.
2007-11-12 10:48:30 · answer #1 · answered by fastmaddy 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Since I'm assuming your ex is an adult himself, inviting just the father will be clear enough that the son is not invited. However, if you think it might cause bitterness for the father and/or the son, then invite him as well. It shows that you're grown-up enough to get over things like that. Then it's his responsibility to decide whether to come or not (and probably the latter if it ended on really horrible terms). Of course, if those horrible terms were down to actions commited by the other person, then of course you don't have any moral obligation to invite him whatsoever, not that you really had any in the first place.
2007-11-13 06:54:11 · answer #2 · answered by sashmead2001 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Congratulations on your big day! I hope you're as happy as we (hubby and I) have been for the last 20 years.
Now.. the question...
If the father doesn't live with his kids you can invite just him. You are not called for by any standard of etiquette to invite the whole family.
I don't think you're required to invite adult children of friends even if they do live in the home.
Just invite the father and don't invite the kids. It's your wedding have who you want, and screw the rest.
2007-11-12 11:04:56 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, congrats!
Now, invitation etiquette clearly states that the people's names on the invites are the only ones invited unless, of course, "And Guest" is included. YOUR wedding, YOUR rules. If you don't want this dreaded ex at your wedding, there's nothing wrong with just inviting his father/your mother's friend's brother =D
Good luck!
2007-11-12 11:57:58 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Since this friend meant sooo much to you; just invite him and his wife/ significant other. The costs of inviting the four kids and their significant others will be extreme. If these kids of his have a clue, they will understand, wish you well and move on. It will also be uncomfortable for your groom and ex. Since it was a messy break-up, you want the attention on you and your hubby, not a former relationship.
2007-11-12 11:12:49 · answer #5 · answered by Rebecca K 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing wrong with inviting just the father, or he and his wife, if married. Maybe find a way to tell him that you want him there but not your ex.
He probably wouldn't be too hurt to not get an invite, so you could just avoid the whole thing that way.
2007-11-12 10:47:23 · answer #6 · answered by mcq316 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If the brother of your mother's friend is married, word the invitation like this: Mr. and Mrs. John Doe. Simply don't include his children on the invitation label. When you are inviting children along with their parents, you write: Mr. and Mrs. John Doe and Children. Just leave off the "and Children" part.
Hope that helps.
2007-11-12 12:47:58 · answer #7 · answered by artistagent116 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Invite the woman's brother. 9 times out of 10 your ex will remember that the break up ended badly and feel that it's too awkward for him to attend. Besides, when you address the envelope, just make it out to the father rather than "Mr. Smith and Family."
2007-11-12 10:59:32 · answer #8 · answered by wrtrchk 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need to avoid the situation all together. You want the wedding to be nice. You cant invite him without the family or at least his wife. What if they expect your ex to go, it is a situation you just dont want to deal with on your wedding day. It should be as calm as possible.
2007-11-12 11:22:22 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If that's the case just invite the father. You don't have to invite his kids if you don't want your ex in the picture. If you want to be fair and square, leave all the kids out of the invite (mother's best friend's kids too) and just invite all the parents.
2007-11-12 10:48:36 · answer #10 · answered by jdhs 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋