Boyfriend showing no affection to me?

Question

We've been going out for a while and when i hug him he dont hug back and hes not showing me much affection....but i know he likes me (a friend asked) and i like him. Am i doing something wrong? Is there anythng i can do do to maybe turn him on or something?

Answer 1

Think about what you want in a man and from a man and if this guy isnt doing it for you then its time to move on without him.

Answer 2

Apparently, your boyfriend (like my boyfriend) has issues. It may come from cold hearted parents or a former relationship that is lingering in the memory.

You are not doing anything wrong, it's normal to yearn for
affection and approval, and for many quite necessary in order to accomplish great levels of achievement.

So, if you are one of those types of people, in need of another person's affection and approval to feel complete (nothing wrong with that) having a heart to heart talk with your partner is a good beginning.

Don't get him off guard, invite him, for a later time to join you at a restaurant (you have something important to tell him.) He might tell you to tell him now, but insist on a later time.
Reassure him that is not a break up or anything like that, but you prefer to talk over dinner.


For these types of conversations it is always best that the time be a few hours after he has finished work, do not meet him right after he finished work. Men, unlike women think with one side of the brain at a time. It takes about one half hour for a man's brain to readjust from work mode to social mode. You'll confuse him if you get him right after work, and he will not be able to be attentive to your needs, right after work.

be smart!!

In that one on one talk, explain to him that you realize that both of you grew up in different environments and that that is evident in the way each shows your emotions. Say, I don't know if you notice, but I like when my partner shows me attention. Some examples; that you appreciate it when he likes something you wear, he should let you know. Or, that you would like to get a big hug at least once in a while.

If he goes into defensive mode (don't be surprise if he tells you that that is the way he is and maybe you should look for someone else), stop him by telling him that you are not having this conversation to get him upset, just that you need him to be more affection, attentive and perhaps a little more light hearted, from him and you feel it's only fair to let him know of your needs.

Then drop the conversation, by changing the subject in the conversation, but do let him air out his response, just do not add to the conversation, let him have the last word.

Wait some time, you should see a change in his behavior, after one or two week if there is no change, tell him that you will start dating other people and that he should do the same. Tell him it has nothing to do with him (he's a good person) it's you, you do not feel comfortable and you don't think it is fair to keep him on tied to you, because you are not happy, tell him you guys can remain friends and you should, as long as he does not become fanatical starker. In this case, before that happens you must make a gradual break.

Just remember that when you let a guy go, he will eventually meet someone, and sometimes it happens sooner that you think, or soon then you meet a better match so it is always better to give considerable time and thought before a break up.

The bottom line is that if a boyfriend does not meet your need, even after considerable conversations on the matter, and considerable time for a partner to adjust, the best you can do is try again with someone more compatible with you.

Most people fear the unknown and remain in what is called "comfort zone" - the wrong relationship out of low self esteem. However dating is a time to experiment and to find what makes one complete.

Don't be a fool, stuck with someone who is unable to flex on providing you with your needs. If you do, you'll be stuck with the person for a long time, then perhaps, he'll leave you anyway. Also, this person may be the father of your children, and he won't be able to show your children affection. Then your children will have emotional issues as well - there goes the cycle of violence that we must all break!

I read a study that states, if a man is the happy, fun loving and affection type, usually the woman will become that even is she started off being a cold hearted *****.

On the other side of the coin, the study stated that is a man is a cold hearted bastard, his women will become a miserable prune, even if she start off in the relationship as a happy go lucky, fun loving and affection human being.

So there you have it, and another thing you should be reminded of is that "Misery Loves Company."

Since you are not married, I suggest you go to you local library or a Barnes and Noble book store in the self help section and read books that address your problem within your age group. Good Luck, be safe and have fun growing up.

Answer 3

Talk to your boyfriend, maybe he's just shy or maybe he's not one to show his feelings that way.
You two need to communicate better, quit getting that third party involved. Ask him yourself "is it ok if I hug you? is there something wrong?" If he says no, tell him WHY you asked the question. Then maybe he'll understand it from your perspective better, and you'll understand it better from his.

Never hurts to ask right?

Answer 4

some guys just arent in to that huggy kissy stuff. but still, its weird for a boyfriend not to be affectionate, because lets face it, guys want one thing and hugging and kissing is the first steps to getting to that one thing! you should probably tell him that you want some more affection. if he doesn't give it to you, then you're wasting your time. there are plenty of other guys, i'm sure, that would love to give you hugs and smooches.

Answer 5

Tell him you'd like it if he could show more affection. If you're hugging him in public and he's not hugging you back, try doing it in private. He might not be into PDAs.

Answer 6

he may think its to much affection if its in public. if its done in private then theres a problem. you will have to ask him why he doesnt do these things ? if hes not that type and you are then you will have to move on. theres nothing you can do but take his arms and put them around you,then say how much better that feels.

Answer 7

Don't waste anymore time with the cold one. There are lots of affectionate guys out there.

Answer 8

of course not!! i know he likes you. At school hes always smiling and being playful when we play that game on the bleachers..lol. its just him. i think hes acting shy. you and i need to change hism ind so that he will hug u back.!!

Answer 9

Talk openly about it. Figure out what's going wrong and what he's thinking. If it doesn't work, leave and find someone else.

Answer 10

Have you tried talking to him directly? If that doesn't work, it's time to move on. Life is too short to waste on people that don't love you & we all deserve love. Best of luck.