Here's the thing...my fiance and I have been having problems over the past few months and his abrupt behavior has made me involve his parents because I had no one else to turn to. Well, his parents are sick of hearing it and frankly, don't really care that I am hurting. Please do not voice your opinion on our relationship...I am just looking to write them an apology letter for months of having them hear about our arguements. I understand that were adults and it's our business but his parents needed to know what was going on and it didn't seem to rectify the situation by telling them.
2007-11-12 08:32:01 · 19 answers · asked by ♥ 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
My friend, although you've indicated a brief scenario of the situation, I'll have to be honest in replying regarding my answer so that it is most appropriate. First and foremost, YOU NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER bring ANYONE'S PARENTS INTO YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU AND YOUR FIANCE, HUSBAND, BOYFRIEND, for no uncertain terms!!! Your relationship is yours and his and no one else's business period! If he's abrupt in his behaviour and a pain in the a** then don't deal with him anymore! ... As my Grandmother use to say, "I know the loving ain't 14K gold? and you can't pond it, so why bother when it's not even sterling silver???" So with that being said, no one has to respect that you're hurting because they are not suppose to be a part of the problem or situation from the beginning anyways! But just for the sake of argument, here's a good apology letter for you even though, I would not write one! I would either call them on the telephone or go to them in person:
Dear Carl & Anna, (Whatever their first names may be!),
I just wanted to take this time to write you both personally to let you know that I'm personally sorry that I've taken the liberty to bring you both into my relationship with your son. Because I'm not that close with my family or have others that I trust, I thought that sharing the situation would have been helpful to me so that the hurting feelings would go away. Now that I see that it was not appropriate, I realize this, and I personally just wanted to drop you both a note to let you know that I'm extremely sorry for all the months that I've brought this situation to you both. It was wrong and not considerate to your feelings, and I'm sorry!
I hope that we all can one day be a family and love each other, and that (James), (or the boyfriend's name here); and I can work out our differences. Again, I am very sorry for the troublesome ways that I've brought you both into my relationship with your son, and I just wanted you to know that I'm deeply sorry!
Sincerely,
Diana
This should work perfectly; however, it is best that you tell them instead of write them. I would not write them if it were me. I believe in dealing with things head-on and direct, and writing a note; however nice it may appear; does not mean the same as the "words" themselves being said to someone so me, I would not write a note. I would take the time to make the mature call!!
Good Luck, and remember! ... If this boyfriend is not nothing but an issue? Then why bother? There's too much in life to have to deal with then to be in an unhealthy relationship with someone that does not appreciate you and your feelings! We all hurt one way or another in life, but we were not put here for pain and suffering when it comes to loving others! If he can't love you and please you the way you should be pleased as the woman that you are, then get rid of him!!!!!!!!
Much Love
Peace & Happiness
Tara
2007-11-12 11:00:11 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi,
I admire your maturity for being willing to apologize for the sake of family harmony even though I think you have nothing to apologize for. As others have said, you've practically written the letter yourself already. I've expanded it a bit. Hope it helps, at least as a draft you can use to rewrite from.
Dear ---& ---,
I'm sorry for having overdone it turning to you with my and ____'s problems over the several months but I had no one else to turn to and I know you care about your son. But we're both adults, they're our problems and I'm sure you're sick of hearing about them. In the future I will try not to involve you so much. Thank you for listening in the past and once again, I'm sorry for overdoing it.
Warm Regards,
______, your future daughter-in-law.
2007-11-12 10:31:16 · answer #2 · answered by David O 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
We don't have enough facts and your relationship with them is personal, so I don't think anyone can give you the "best" answer -- but I'd keep it brief and to the point: Dear ____, I am writing because I feel that I have made a mistake in involving you in the troubles fiancee and I have been having. I did not meant to put you in an awkward spot, I just did not have anyone else to turn to. It is only because I feel so close to you that I presumed to lean on you. I'm sorry if that was inappropriate and I hope that we can put all this behind us in the future. Thank you for listening.
2007-11-12 08:39:55 · answer #3 · answered by dhdaddy2003 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I would not recommend you write a letter in this instance, as they may only aggravate them further. The simplest thing might be to just send them some flowers with a simple note, "Thanks for understanding." Then let it go and don't keep involving them in your relationship. See a counselor if necessary.
2007-11-12 08:36:26 · answer #4 · answered by Nefertiti 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
they propably understand way more then u think
if u could go back in time they were propably the same way
and after all its there son so they know how he is
i wouldnt even write a letter to them they understand..
being in a relationship means working as a team
sort things out with your bf and in time use 2 take out his parents
to dinner or lunch
2007-11-12 08:37:35 · answer #5 · answered by cinnamon apple 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I wouldn't write a letter. I would go over and talk to them face-to-face. Let them know that you are sorry for inconveniencing their lives but you felt like they where the right people at that time in ya'lls lives to talk to. Good luck
2007-11-12 08:36:55 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Funny how some people complain their inlaws are always meddling in their relationship, and now someone complains they do not.
Just write what you feel, why you went to them, and how you realized you were wrong. I can't type a letter here for you especially since I have no details, but just put whatever you feel.
2007-11-12 08:38:29 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Dear future in -aws,
I realize that your son is a jerk and I really should have dropped this relationship with him months ago, BUTTTTT, I'm the co-dependent type and I just can't live without him, so would you please forgive me for being so stupid. I know I should grow up and have him take responsibility for his actions and I should stop trying to manipulate his behavior by going to his parents, BUTTTTTT, I'm in love with him and I'm dedicated to this disfunctional relationship no matter what. I don't care how crazy things get; I'm going to hang in there and let him ruin my life. I know you see what I'm doing to myself, but I'm going to do it no matter what.
All my love,
Your soon-to-be daughter-in-law
2007-11-12 08:44:04 · answer #8 · answered by BarberManGary 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If they are sick of hearing about it, then shut up and leave them alone.. No letter no calls no apology no contact.. Don't you get it? He is their son and you and no one else is good enough for him by their standards. It's a thing about parents. I can't imagine someone pestering me about one of my kid's love life..
2007-11-12 08:41:45 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
Instead of going with an apology letter, I would go with a thank you letter. Send them a thank you card and write in it that you appreciated them being there for you when you were having troubles, and it was nice of them to take time out to help you. (Not entirely true since they weren't actually helpful, but maybe it will make them more likely to help in the future).
2007-11-12 08:36:03 · answer #10 · answered by Rachel 6 · 3⤊ 2⤋