How do I help my 23 yr old daughter?

Question

MY DAUGHTER AND I LIVE 700 MILES APART. SHE HAS DRUG PROBLEM BUT REFUSES COME STAY WITH ME. I WANT TO HELP HER, I DONT HAVE MUCH MONEY BUT I DO HAVE A STABLE HOME.WHY DOE SHE WORRY US SO MUCH? WHAT DO I DO?

Answer 1

Helping another adult is always a rather tricky endeavour. The difficult part is that a person must want the help. I realize that as a mother we want more than anything to help our children. I know this from experience. The best we can do is to be available to them when they are ready to make a change.

Until then be careful not to offer funding to her. People on drugs will find, use, or create problems that are dire, to get money from friends and family that will be used for more drugs. I can not tell you how many times my heart strings were jerked around and I was thrown into a state of panic for the life of my child. In the end I had to withdraw financial support.

It was not long after that when the situation began to get better. There were friends that offered refuge for a time also. It took a while for the resources to be exhausted.

Your daughter is 23 years old. She is an adult. She has to want to change her life before you can help her. She will show up at your door when she is ready or she will make it happen on her own and show up for Christmas clean and sober!

Keeping praying for her and that God will grant you the strength you need to be strong enough to hold out for your daughters health and well being!

Answer 2

Your baby is not a baby, she is fully grown adult. She has to deal with her own problems. Think carefully before you allow a drug addict into your home, even if it is your daughter. Problems can very quickly get out of hand these situations. I think you should allow her to come home after she has gotten professional help, and needs a stable environment to continue on the right path. Don't try to solve this for her. Sometimes these things just happen. She is who she is, but only she can choose what path she is going to take.

Answer 3

thats hard! I feel for you. I know it has to be very hard because I have a 16 yr old and he likes to drink. It got really bad last summer and one night he was arrested 3x. I have him in counceling right now. I think it is helping a little but its not fixed. you know, where there is a will there is a way and 16 or not he can get his beer somewhere. He is 16, I still at least have legal rights to him, but let me tell you ,a rebellious 16 yr old ,no matter how persistant you are,is no walk in the park. But your daughter,so far away, and even though she is full well a legal adult, that doesnt help you any. I would just keep telling her that you love her, that you are there for her and what someone else said, you have to ask God on this one. I dont understand how it all works, and dont pretend to, maybe you have already been praying, I know I have been praying for my son, not enough, but I want to keep praying for him,because I know it cant hurt and I do beleive in prayer. I have had personal experiances of good things coming from prayer. I will say a prayer for your daughter. I dont know her and I dont know you,but God does. I beleive that and I know that. God can meet your daughter right where she is at, and I know he will. We just have to pray that she will let him in.She doesnt have to be fixed before she can turn to him and I hope and pray she knows that. As a parent ,I am so blessed that I have my three sons. but it is so hard as parent, to know your kid is in trouble and feel so helpless to fix things for them. I really do hope that your daughter gets better so she can do all the wonderful things God entended !!!

Answer 4

best way of helping her is not sending her money at all because you already know where that money is going. Once hooked on drugs its hard to avoid them and there is just so much you can do for her. Until she realizes she has a problem you will be able to help her.
Good luck

Answer 5

The best help for her is prayer. People who abuse drugs do not even realize who they are hurting and how. It is beyond their control. If she continues with her addiction and moves in your home, this can create more problems (believe me, I've tried it). So until your daughter decides she wants help, all you can do is pray that she soon she realizes God has more for her life than what she is living now.

Answer 6

You let her make the decision to come home. Look, I understand you love your daughter, but she has to be the one that wants it. You can love her and support her, but you can't make her come home. She needs to get help and she needs to find it on her own. My boyfriends sister is like that, constantly needing help but never wants to come out and get it, she wants everyone to cater to her. Well everyone stopped and as much as it hurts his mom, she just couldn't handle it anymore. You have to sometimes just let your children handle their lives and pray pray pray that they'll come back to you for the love and support you are ready to give.


Take care.

Answer 7

You can't help an addict unless they want the help. Sorry, it's hard, but it's true. My brother had a hardcore meth addiction, and nothing anyone did could help him unitl the time came that he asked for it.

Keep letting her know you're there for her, and hopefully eventually she'll want the help. Do NOT give her money, cause that is not helping, it's enabling.

Answer 8

I'd love to say there's a way to help your addict daughter, unfortunately the way you propose to help her is not the best, you would be harming her more.
She is 23, she has to want to get help, and she would find it in NA.

Just pray for her.

Answer 9

This is the kind situation where I like to recite my world famous, life changing quote. "Stop crying, and do something to change the situation". Get up. Buy a plane ticket. Fly to her. PHYSICALLY remove her from her home. Put her in rehab. She'll thank you later.

Answer 10

You can intervene, but it won't help. She has to get there on her own. You need to let her know you care and that you love her regardless. Do not give her money. Pray often.