me and my boyfriend have been together for nearly 9 months now and we have a very good relationship.. we are each others best friends and like to spend a lot of time together..
he's a very laid back person - but i'm not.. i like to plan and he doesn't which is where the problem is..
i love to plan the future.. it doesn't matter to me whether the things i plan will actually happen.. it's just what i want to happen.. my boyfriend hates me planning the future..
it's not as though he is scared of commitment.. in fact he has talked about things such as 'when we get a house we're not having so and so.......' 'if our kids are like that.......' etc..
but whenever i start talking about the future he goes a bit quiet and says stuff like 'well you never know what's around the corner'..
i just hate the way he's so doubting that we will have a future.. he says that anything could happen such as we might go off each other.. which really scares me..
what is he meaning with all of this?
2007-11-12 08:15:27 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
thanks for all the help so far.. it's great advice..
points i'd like to make:
~ he has discussed a future of kids, marriage and house which shows he isn't too scared of commitment
~ he's said he loves me
~ perhaps we're just in the more practical stage of the relationship ie/ not caught up in love
~ i think people who have said that he doesn't want his life planning out are probably right
~ i really don't want to scare him away because i love him and can't imagine my future without him
~ i guess it's true that you can't see round the corner etc.. i just like to have some hope that we do have a future
thanks for all the help so far guys!! : )
2007-11-12 09:15:38 · update #1
hey girls have there wedding plans when we are 5. We want to be just the like a disney princess. Guys arent the same way. Just calm down about things like that around him. In stead of saying we wont have that in our house. say i dont want that when i have my own place. say if my kids ever i swear. but dont have full talks about it. he does have a point its been 9 months and you got kids involved hes just not there yet. he doesnt want to think about that yet he could be planning a future but doesnt have details worked out like he may want a house a wife kids and fido and kitty cat. But he doesnt have where that house is the kids names or when it will happen. hes taking time. let him. cause he does make a point somethings could change you never know. things can happen
2007-11-12 08:24:13 · answer #1 · answered by blackraven254 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, the future is always scary because you really don't know what can happen. Unexpected things can just happen because not everything goes according to what you planned all the time. My bf and I have talked about the future and he's confident that we would last long and maybe possibly get married. For me, I have told him that I hope things can go well between us, but I never told him that I was sure that things will go exactly the way we wanted. I've seen my friends' long term relationships end out to be disastrous when they went great in the beginning. It just brings a lot of doubt to me. I worry a lot about the future more than the present. Anyway, my suggestion is to just not worry too much about what's coming up in your future, but stick to what's happening now. Enjoy the moment.
2007-11-12 08:28:24 · answer #2 · answered by =P 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It means he isn't as sure of the relationship as you are. My boyfriend and I have been together for five year and he doesn't want to get married any time soon, but when I at leat bring it up or even having kids, he'll nod his head or agree is someway, he wont automatically shut it down. This guys seems iffy, I'd have a serious talk about your relationship. If your not on the same level in your relationship, it'll only hurt worse when you discover the more important things are what you disagree most on. Don't take that chance!
2007-11-12 08:21:01 · answer #3 · answered by Chrystal 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hey there, well this guy could just hate making promises he is not sure he will be able to keep... He is not saying he does NOT want to be with you its just that guys take a while to come around, it does not mean he is keeping his options open for something better either.. your relationship is still pretty new sweet, try not to worry about what is going to happen because No body knows that? If we did we would have very simple lives. You have to take one day at a time and enjoy what you have with him everyday please try not to worry about the future because its already set for you, just try to be the best person you can be and he should follow. It is totally fine to redirect your planning nature into things for yourself, and I promise you that it will all fall into place. Good luck, relax and enjoy him, you sound like you have the great foundations to a great relationship.
2007-11-12 08:29:38 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dude, you are scaring the boy. Stop plotting out every aspect of the next 50 years. Kick back and enjoy each day as it comes. If you feel a need to plot out YOUR life, do so privately...diary's are a girl's best friend. Back off, let him have some say in HIS future, or you won't find yourself in it. Nobody likes to be pressured, even if you don't think that is what you are doing. You need to consider that maybe he isn't as certain of your future together as you are. Honestly, he's prolly scared to death that you are going to plan out his kids, job, funeral, etc., without him even having a say in anything.
2007-11-12 08:30:52 · answer #5 · answered by t0talb1tch77 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a guy thing. Trust me. I assume you are young. I starting dating my boyfriend when I was 19 and he was the same way. We are now both 25 and living together. We also talk about marriage a lot now. Remember that girls mature quicker than guys. Give him time and don't pressure him. The more you try to force it, the more it will scare him away. Just try to relax and enjoy your time with him.
2007-11-12 08:21:18 · answer #6 · answered by ME 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He means, wuit planning so dang much. Did you ever ask him if what you are planning is what he wants. If it is not what he wants then he probably really does not want to hear about it. Can't blame the guy.
2007-11-12 08:20:18 · answer #7 · answered by Lookin-2-Talk 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When you start planning for him, he gets paranoid. He's not ready to take it a step further and you're making him feel trapped.
2007-11-12 08:24:37 · answer #8 · answered by missingora 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he may have a little doubt about u two his feeling may be lowering for u just do things he loves and bring them back up GOOD LUCK
2007-11-12 08:22:41 · answer #9 · answered by guys i 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hes just telling the truth cuz you never really know what will happen he just believes in it more than others
2007-11-12 08:20:58 · answer #10 · answered by Ciao Bella is Love Drunk 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋