They live in New England, and my husband and I are basically in San Francisco, California. My mum will already have visited to be here for the delivery and initial babycare when our son is born in about 4 weeks from now (December), but in January both my parents as well as my husband's parents (who are flying in from north Africa and will be staying with my husband's brother about 15 minutes away because the brother has a big house) will be visiting at the same time. Usually when my parents visit us, they've stayed in our apartment which is a 2 bedroom, but now the second room is for the baby. What I'm concerned about is feeling claustrophobic if they stay with me, in between all the feeding/diapering/babycare, and also having my husband's parents (and the brother and his wife) visiting (my husband's parents don't speak English, either, and mine don't speak French or the other languages my husband's family speaks)..... What should happen? A compromise of some sort? Please help! :)
2007-11-12 08:13:17 · 30 answers · asked by Colleen D 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Its not that I'm not happy to have them visit, I just don't want to end up with a short fuse from lack of sleep or whatever and end up getting catty, or feeling like I have to be perfect all the time, and I guess just no space/privacy 24/7 if they stay here :(
2007-11-12 08:16:27 · update #1
I dont have enough pillows and blankets, so I got you a hotel room
2007-11-12 08:16:28 · answer #1 · answered by PoPtArT 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you can wait until the baby is born...see how that visit goes. You may like having them around if they help around the house. Seriously. A little cramping is worth it because you get to spend time together and they will be getting to know the baby more. I'm cramped and my parents always stay in a hotel, by choice, because they are just more comfortable. You can make a point of saying you don't plan on cooking for 8 people, etc...unless that is already assumed. Unless you are concerned about hotels being booked, you'll have time to get the reservations. If they are willing to come that far, twice, then they should be willing to stay in a hotel. If cost is not the issue. Your mother should remember what having a baby is like, and she'll support your needs. Don't be afraid to let people do things for you afterwards, even up to two months after delivery....you may feel fine, but there will be days that you need to take a nap or just blow off the laundry and cleaning...that is exactly what mothers are for, at a time like this. Let her help and be sure to show and tell your appreciation.
2007-11-12 08:25:15 · answer #2 · answered by julie m 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First and foremost, you need to be given what you need to care for your new baby. It would be awfully tight to have everyone stay with you only having two bedrooms. I would suggest making the reservations now and then tell your parents you have made different arrangements for their visit and why. If you can afford it, pay for the hotel. Be honest with them. Tell them exactly what you just wrote. Nobody can tell you how you are supposed to feel. If you're uncomfortable, then they need to respect that especially with you being a new mom and all. And don't hesitate to say something if something bothers you when they come. Grandparents can get carried away at times. They forget all about you and focus solely on the baby, so speak up. Congratulations and enjoy your holidays! The sooner you get this straightened out with your parents, the better you'll feel so don't wait.
2007-11-12 08:26:13 · answer #3 · answered by matt 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Very nicely, say that the space is limited, and that you felt they would be more comfortable at a hotel. Remind them that as the parents of the new baby, you signed up for the three am feedings and diapering, but that as Grandparents, they have earned the right to sleep all the way through the night. Then reassure them there are plenty of activities involving all the Grandparents and they are not missing a thing. If you have one set of parents at a hotel, you NEVER have the other set stay with you. If you stay consistent (hubby has his family stay with his brother) no one can say you are just against them, it is for both sets of parents. You are an adult, and as such, you can control your environment, just be fair.
2007-11-12 08:24:29 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The best policy is to always be honest with them. They know the size apartment that you have. They have been through the sleepless night of having a newborn as well. Tell them that you love them and are SO glad that they are coming to visit. Explain that your hubby parents will be staying with other family due to the cramped quarters and that it would probably be easiest on your parents and on you and the baby if they were to stay in a hotel close by. I would also look at some area hotels and see what special rates you mgiht be able to find for them.
2007-11-12 08:21:14 · answer #5 · answered by expctn#1 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should just let them know how you feel. They love you so they will probably understand (if you explain it properly) that it's not that you don't WANT them to stay with you, its just that it's going to be so much easier if they don't. Tell them that it's not fair on them to have to sleep in the babies room/on the couch - and that you don't want them to be woken every time the baby cries/wake the baby. It's their holiday after all, and you want them to have the best time meeting their grandchild. You could also say that your husband's parents might be jelous :) or that it would be awkward if both sets of grandparents were always around. There really isn't that much space, so i don't think you should have too much of a problem convincing them.
I remember hearing stories about my grandparents visiting just after I was born. Apparently it was hectic, and not helped by my grandma deciding to reorganise the kitchen.
best of luck and congrats on the baby!
2007-11-12 08:35:54 · answer #6 · answered by chocoholly1 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, they should TOTALLY understand with a new baby you'd want and need privacy, not to mention you just don't have the room. I would be honest and say "mom, I'm so sorry you & dad aren't going to be staying here, now the baby's born. Can I help with motel reservations or anything I can do for you on this end?" Life changes, and all of us have to move forward with the changes. I really don't think they'll be offended, especially since your in-laws aren't staying with you, either. They just want to get time with their grandchild, they won't mind if they have to stay at a motel to do that! Good luck and RELAX! They're your PARENTS!!
2007-11-12 08:23:33 · answer #7 · answered by N0_white_flag 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would just matter of factly ask them, if they need help making hotel reservations. Surely they realize the guest bedroom is now the nursery and there is no place for them to sleep.
If they ask why, I'd just say "I just thought that was a given since we don't have a guest room any more."
If they push the issue, just tell them that you and the baby are just now getting in a routine and you don't want the baby's schedule disrupted.
Good Luck!
2007-11-12 08:36:55 · answer #8 · answered by wondermom 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its very simple, give them the following explanation: A Change in a routine is very difficult for small children, by introducing other individuals and having them stay at the same house for a period of time could greatly influence the way the baby will behave, scheduled feedings and naps would be completely ruined, and once you get out of that routine things become difficult. Plus, you're in two bedroom apartment and that can get very cramped.
2007-11-12 08:20:55 · answer #9 · answered by bryans83 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dude! The "guest room" is now the baby's room :) That's NORMAL. Just tell them you don't have a spot for them to stay because the "guest room" is now the baby's room (unless they want to give you $100,000 to upgrade the number of rooms you have).
They TOTALLY will be okay with it, unless they are poor and don't have the money for a hotel in San Fran....
Truthfully, if I were them, I wouldn't WANT to stay with you. Generally, older people need their 8 hours of sleep and need to stick to their routine. Older people don't do well with babies that scream at 3 in the morning :) So, they are probably not planning on staying with you anyways (and if they were it was only because they thought YOU wanted them to stay with you to help with the baby).
SO, make them feel better and yourself better - and tell them what I said above.
2007-11-12 08:46:34 · answer #10 · answered by Dina K 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's a tough situation to be in, and assuming that your parents are just coming down to visit you and help out with the baby, the least you can do is offer to pay for the hotel.
2007-11-12 08:20:50 · answer #11 · answered by catwomanmeeeeow 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋