My husband is really having some problems and now I am becoming depressed again. What can I do?

Question

He is having trouble finding work--been laid off since June. Nothing seems to work out. He constantly worries about urine tests since he is on Methadone for drug recovery and most places won't hire if you are on that. (we found that out). I have been slowly going back into depression I think.. the only time I feel good is when I lay down and I don't want to go to work. I have to go back to work tomorrow and face it all. I feel so lazy and glume. I am even somewhat jealous of my husband. He is so smart--smarter than myself when it comes to book sense and I am a teacher. I hate feeling like a nobody in an adult body. I see my psychiatrist tomorrow evening and I don't even know what to say. I don 't know if I am depressed or just plain lazy and angry. What is your take?

Answer 1

You are not lazy or angry; those are symptoms of depression. Depression is a cycle; you feel glum and non-motivated about everything, so you just want to lie in bed all day which then makes you feel worthless and then the cycle starts all over again. You just need some motivation and inspiration in your life! I would strongly recommend reading "Feeling Good" by Dr. Burns. It helped me alot! Also I'd recommend watching Oprah, it gets me motivated!
I had depression too, I think we all do at one time. Just think about a new day. And stop thinking negative thoughts about yourself. You're not dumber than your husband, you're not lazy or angry. Just think I'm a strong confident, intelligent woman in control of my life!!
I wish you the best of luck in conquering this :)

Answer 2

what is the plan with the methadone maintenance? is he planning on being high the rest of his life, because, lets call a duck a duck, methadone is getting high. yes it has been known to get people off heroin... and then hooked on methadone. do, what is the plan there.

i realize that this is offering no solution and helping to amp up the anxiety. i will address how to help you in a moment.

are you going to ALANON? if not look it up online (do a dogpile search and find meetings in your area or email me)

are you seeing a counselor? i know you dont have money. there is that excuse again. there are clinics everywhere and clinicians every where that take free and sliding scale clients. go make some calls. or do you really want to us to feel pity for you. you can be pitiful or just do something. here are some more things to do...

go out TODAY and walk 15 minutes GENTLY. do it EVERY day from now on. no matter what.

what are you eating? no more caffeine. no more cigarettes. no more candy/cake ****. no macdonalds or any other fast food. no soda/pop. no ****. start eating FRESH veggies and FRUIT. look for organics. if you are hungry, first drink a 16 oz glass of water. then think about what you want to eat. many times when you are hungry, you are really thristy.

or sit still, feel sorry for yourself and get depressed. the CHOICE is yours.

i am NOT trying to be a mean bastard. just tough love. and you need it and NOW.

best wishes hang in there and do what i said!!! contact me in 2 weeks and tell me how bad you feel....

hypnotherapy-psychotherapy "dot" com

Answer 3

You defiantly need to bring this up at you next session. I would print this page as an ice breaker... about your husband though. You should make sure that he is signed up at all the temp agencies in your area. The drug test is only a technicality. Your hubby could buy a drink at most health store that could cover up what ever it is that he is taking... But honestly it sounds like you guys are both clinical depressed. I think that even though he is your husband and you guys love one another you guys should take some time apart to get better. You guys are no good for each other if he's making you go backwards or vice verse. You can't help him if your not OK...

Answer 4

First and foremost are the kids. You need to be the strong person in front of them, they are watching. Lead front the front, it’s obvious your husband is not. I’m not defending his behavior but men have a different kind of pressure or stress when in a husband/father role. Its pride and the expectation of being able to provide and support the family. Guys don’t like to talk, it’s our nature. Too many men let stresses and bad lifestyle choices to take over their behavior and just don’t step-up being the man. (Sorry but too many guys think their men and are not and it pisses me off) Based on what you state, his diet is a major factor and he probably doesn’t get any type of exercise that would keep his heart rate up for at least 20 minutes. What to do. Since you know his pattern, write your thoughts in a note to him and tell him first about all his good qualities. Then tell him how much you love him and want the best for him and the family. Tell him you understand some of his stresses and only wish to help. Tell him you can only help him if, only if, he lets you. Tell him where you want the family to be in 10 years and what you all need to do to achieve this. Suggest going out to a park, with the kids and walk, walk, walk for at least an hour. Exercise changes the mind and mood. This is a great time to talk.

Answer 5

Show this message to him, you can copy it onto a word document and print it out:

You can make some easy money by donating plasma if there is a plasma donation center near you. It's painful and time consuming if you don't show up early, but it's better than wasting time making no money.

Read what Job, the man mentioned in the Bible, went through. He suffered intense pain, lost his family and even his friends turned against him. Despite that, he was rescued by God and is now known all over the world for his victory over Satan's attempt to completely turn him against God.

Don't make anything in life a higher priority than pleasing God. Whatever you do, always do it in such a way so that you know he will be happy with you. It may be hard, but it's worth it, and if you love him, that is how you will live your life.

Without God's love, you will always crave more and more and never be content.

Without a friend that gives you an honest answer when you want one, who gives you one out of love, you will always feel some misery. And if you only have friends that flatter you, you may be depressed knowing that they are doing so because they want to take advantage of you in some way rather than truly loving you, or loving you with a pure love, love which isn't self-seeking.

Other things that can make you miserable till you are depressed are a poor diet, bland food, bad smells (like from a carpet or hidden mold), are encountering unpleasant smells often (like perhaps from a new rug which smells bad), have bland surroundings (you may want to decorate your walls with posters), past trauma that is still bothering you because you don't know how to deal with it or because it was very painful, a lack of true friends or ones who give you bad to no advice when you ask for or when they see you need it, or living a shallow life.

I had problems with depression and suicide due to my parents neglecting my education, including knowledge about right from wrong, and not having much interesting or helpful to do. I also got bullied at school for how I was dressed and appeared before I was 14 and of course, instead of the bullies being punished I was the one who got stuck in a miserable substitute for a "normal" public high school and had next to no friends while there (and still have about none). Soon after attending that school I was bullied by the police off an on a few times. Other miserable things happened including being repeatedly kicked out and being mistreated at nearly all the jobs I had by coworkers or bosses who harassed me out of them. But, God saved me and helped me beat my depression and allowed and helped me to accomplish some great things that I can take comfort in having accomplished no matter how miserable. I'm still depressed sometimes, but it's not as bad now since he's opened my eyes.

Check out the link in my profile if you are interested in spiritual help, which I found has been a lasting and permanent solution heading towards perfect peace. I hope you show the link to others. There is also nutritional and cosmetic advice in one my books.

Answer 6

You may be getting depressed because of a lot of things. While a family member being out of work causes a lot of stress, it is not the only thing that could be contributing to your depression. The hard thing about being depressed is that you have to make yourself get out of it (which is hard to find the motivation to do when you are in that state of mind.)
It is awesome that you are able to see it and feel it happening.

At this time of year a lot of people begin to experience the "winter blues." The sun is shining less, and it is colder, so we aren't spending enough time out in the sunshine and fresh air. Make yourself go outside for at least 20 minutes a day, preferably longer. Getting fresh oxygen in your lungs and a good dose of vitamin D (sunshine) will do wonders!!!

Turn on lights or go somewhere that has them on...a brightly lit store, work...when it is darker outside earlier, our bodies start to think they need to go to sleep earlier. You can give in to this some...to allow yourself a proper night's sleep, 8 hours. But in the evening hours, turn on lights to stimulate your body and be active.

Put on music!!! Music can turn your mood around. Keep your favorite music on and sing along...loudly if it helps! Dance to a good beat.

You probably are a little angry because we all wish we could have a break every now and then, but remember that you are employable, you have a good job and you are good at it! These things should help you realize that you don't really envy your husband's situation.

Make yourself smile. Give service when you can...even a little bit of volunteer work will help you know that you are helping someone out.

Now go for a walk! (and tomorrow do it while you eat a sandwich on your lunch break. :) )

Answer 7

Is your husband working on getting off the Methadone with support groups and counseling? If not, he really isn't working on his addiction, he needs to kick it and not rely on Methadone, another drug.

You need to get counseling, seeing a psychiatrist concerns me. Usually someone with serious mental health issues needing meds goes to a psychiatrist. You need to see a counselor for talk therapy, much cheaper and better for your body (you don't need meds).

Your husband should be in a career counseling program, this will help him find work. He needs to take whatever he can at this point, not be picky. Make sure he really is going out and looking and not sitting home. He needs to be accountable to people; a group, counselor, etc.

I know it's difficult for you, this is depressing, but do one thing every day to help your mood. Eat healthy, no sugar, alcohol, junk, which makes moods go down. Get exercise, this helps elevate mood. Get together with friends, get out of the house and do something fun.

You can make the difference in how you feel, make it something you actively do when you wake up in the morning.

Answer 8

You sound depressed. You aren't "just lazy and angry". I hope you can find a way to break your cycle of bad luck, hard times and sadness. Try exercise and fresh air to get rid of negative energies. As for your husband, I wish him luck finding a job. Maybe you can meet some new people in a friendly atmosphere, somehow, because meeting new people leads to new opportunities and maybe a job. And don't feel inferior to your husband. Everyone is smart in their own way, ev eryone has their own talents. If you can teach young people, you should be happy ands grateful to go to work where you can do a great service to the world. I am a teacher too and it fills my life with joy. Smile! Someone loves you :)

Answer 9

You are thinking too much about your husband's problems. Give him time to regroup and you should learn to relax a little. You can help him find work in the neighborhood, locally, until he is off the Methadone. He could work in small stores, construction jobs, cleanup jobs, menial work. Anything to keep him busy and have some money coming in. A lot of small companies do not drug test. Tell him to start a small business himself, online, or locally at the flea market or farmer's market. He can find work if he really tries. You may need to step aside and let him do it himself. Help yourself first before you can help anyone else. Good Luck, hope this helps you. I mean well, hope I wasn't too harsh on you.

Answer 10

It does sound like depression to me. I feel the same way, haven't hardly left the house the last two days, and dread going to work tomorrow, been having headaches there the last couple of weeks due to stress and some of jerks that work there. anyway, good luck, hope things get better.