Abortion at 20?

Question

Under protection I became accidentally pregnant with my (yes) EX boyfriend's child. He doesn't want it if we aren't going to be together, and I don't want to be with him. I'm very confused about what to do. I'm young and don't have the emotional or financial support for a baby. Perspectives? Please, no prolifes either. I am prochoice and would like opinions of those who have had abortions and those who have had babies at a young age. Thank you.

I was on Ortho Tri Cyclen Lo

Answer 1

This is a personal choice. You have a smart head on your shoulders by weighing all of your options. If you truly feel that you can not care for a child, then you have a couple of options. You can get an abortion or have the baby and give it up for adoption. I trust that you will make the right decision for you.

Answer 2

This is really hard. You need to sit down and think about your life, what you're planning on doing in life, who you have to support you and whether or not you would be prepared to raise a child without a partner.

I've never had an abortion, I tried for many years to have a baby but I know people who have. Even some of the strongest people (and a couple of girls whom I thought had "no feelings") were emotionally wrecked by the process. Some people have seemed to deal with it fine. But it is a huge decision that needs careful consideration before implementing, obviously, it's not reversible.

Being a single parent can be hard, but extremely rewarding. Do you have a support system behind you? Will your parents help? Friends? Other family? To point out, becoming a single parent does not mean that your life is over. Many people think, "well, now she's not going to amount to anything, not going to become a doctor (lawyer)" whatever it is that you were planning on doing in life. As a single parent, it takes more grit, more determination but it can be done, and would certainly be a very good example for your child.

Then there's adoption. This one is close to my heart, as my husband and I were considering it before we *finally* had a baby. There is something very noble about carrying a child and handing it over to someone else who may have never had a child otherwise. It can also be very hard. Knowing, 20 years down the road, that someone else raised your child, that you never got a chance to be with them, wondering if they hate you for giving them up. For myself, I think that giving a child up would almost be a harder decision than abortion. Fortunately, adoptions have come a long way over the years and open-adoptions are very popular now. The birth mother and adoptive family decide to have a relationship together, and the birth mother is still able to be part of the child's life. Sometimes the child doesn't know, and the birth mother is an "aunt" or a family friend. Sometimes the family is very open and the child knows from the beginning that the visiting person is a birth parent. This can be a very rewarding arrangement for all involved.

Whatever you decide, make sure that YOU are comfortable with that decision. Don't let other people's feelings and ideologies get in the way, after all, YOU are the person who will be living with the decision for the rest of your life. Don't let anyone push you into something you don't want to do.

Good Luck

Answer 3

You have to do what is best for your circumstances. I have had the experience of both being a teen mom, and having an abortion. Let me tell you that neither choice is easy!! I am 21, and have two kids (both boys) I work full time and do not recieve child support for them. It is hard, I don't get paid enough money more anything extra, and am on a tight budget, Christmas and Birthdays are difficult too! My mom has been a huge help. But There are a lot of bills!! Rent, utilities, child care, doctors, food, clothes, diaper, wipes, it never ends. Sleepless nights and I want... I want.... I want....
So when i got pregnant for the third time, i had an abortion. I was the right thing to do because I knew i couldn't support another child, and I knew that it would cause me to give less to my other kids. But even that has taken quite an emotional toll on me. I get very deppressed at times, and can never take my mind off of it. I think because I wasn't really 100% for abortion, and that is why it has been difficult, but I would say that you need to think very long and hard before you make any decision. because you can't go back in time. Good Luck!!

Answer 4

Wow! I was on Ortho too when I got pregnant, but I kept taking my pills late. Anyway, you wrote "IF" you are NOT going to be together... So, it there still a chance for you? If so, why don't you want to stay with him? I don't think that anyone should stay together because of a CHILD, but it's also a reason to TRY to work things out! The choice is ULTIMATELY yours! You have to live with it EITHER way! You do have several options... Abortion, adoption or keep it! You can talk to your parent(s)... His parent(s)... Or a counselor (Planned Parenthood)! You definitely don't want to let too much time past... The baby has a hearbeat at 5 weeks and you can began to feel flutters (movement) around 8/9 weeks. It's going to get harder & harder the longer you wait and get to see/feel the baby (thinking about abortion). Talk to someone PLEASE! You are very emotional right now and you should NOT be dealing with this ALONE! You are not alone. There are a lot of people who have been in your shoes and there are support groups out there. Your baby deserves a chance at life. There are too many innocent babies being killed. I work full-time and I'm getting ready to go back to school (on-line)! I started babysitting the first 8 months of my son's life and now his grandmother cares for him while I work. There is always a way! You always have a choice! Do what you feel is right!

Answer 5

Just because you are not with the daddy anymore, doesn't mea he can't help with the baby financially and emotionally. Is he a total dirt bag or a somewhat good guy? If he is a dirt bag, that's one thing, but if he can pull it together to help you keep your child, it might be worth thinking about.

I had my first child when I was 20 and I never regretted it for a minute. It has not always been easy, but I have a great support system from my family.

I am pro-choice, but I think that there are huge emotional weights that come with an abortion, especially if you are unsure that you want an abortion in the first place. It might be an awesome thing to look into adoption. They have different kinds of adoptions so I would look into them to see if any of those fit your needs.

Good luck!

Answer 6

I Dont Agree With Abortion - But If You Do Its Your Choice - Think About Adoption - You Can Do Adoption As Soon As The Baby Comes Out - You Deliver & The New Parents Take Over - You Dont Even Have To Look At The Baby Or Know The Sex - Im Very Sorry You Have To Go Through This - I'll Pray For You

Remember Adoption Is The Best Choice - So The Baby Does Have A Chance To Live And Grow Up - & If You Do Choose Adoption When The Child Is 18 She/He Would Have The Choice To Meet You If You To Were To Wish It !!!!!

Love & Prayers From Me To You

Answer 7

I had my first child when I was 21. Yes, I was married and financially stable, but we were not planning on having a child so soon into our lives together! I kept the baby and now at 23 I am pregnant with number 2. I was your age when I found out I was pregnant, and I was just as scared as you are. Honestly, having my son was the best decision I ever made. If you decide to keep the baby, you instantly have a "life plan"-You will be a mommy, and your life will have such a real purpose. My sister-in-law has had two abortions, and she wishes every day that she would have made another decision. She says she has become drawn to children when she sees them, and wants to hold every baby she sees. She has said it feels like a "part of her" is missing.

Good luck, this is not an easy choice. Keep us updated on your feelings!

Answer 8

Well, I consider myself prolife, so now you know that upfront. :)

But as for the qualifiers of people who have experienced both situations, I'm your gal. One of my friends was raped and pregnant before she was 21. She continued the pregnancy and had the baby adopted since she was not at a point where she could keep it. She was also very worried that she would think of the event every time she looked at the baby, and considered that unfair to the child. She went on to stay in very close contact with the adoptive parents and has another child of her own now, very happy all around. I will add that usually people don't have such a close relationship with the adoptive parents, but these were friends of hers (and mine) who had been trying for four years to get pregnant. It was truly divine intervention there.

Secondly, a new friend confided that she had an abortion when she was 23, about 10 years ago. She bawled in my arms. It obviously still hurt. She just had another baby, but she still regrets that abortion. She says it was still the right thing to do, but there is still so much pain involved with remembering it.

With my work for nonprofits, I've met a lot of young girls who've had babies. They have so many options, from adoption to welfare to parents and family. I'm not saying that makes it very easy - it's a hard road. The ones who have abortions, it seems, lose any support afterwards - like they were supposed to forget about it afterwards.

Your life is going to change with this event no matter what you do - so please think through the situation and make it one you can live with. Best of luck to you.

Answer 9

Hi, I also became pregnant with my daughter on the same pill. I am currently 22 and I became pregnant at 20. Thank God I had a good man that I was with for 2 years that I loved very much. I thought he would leave me, but he was super excited and we went on to have our little girl. All through my pregnancy I was miserable. The day I gave birth I was so scared and I wanted to change my mind so bad about having her because it hurt so bad. But the moment she came out and I seen her my whole life changed in one minute. She was perfect . When I was pregnant with her I heard her heartbeat at 6 weeks. They said that it wasnt a baby yet only a fetus. If it wasnt a baby then how come it had a heartbeat? I cannot tell you what to do. If you truely believe that you cannot care for this child, there are other couples out there that would love your child so much. I had a friend that had an abortion and ah eis married now with 2 children and she said that it was the biggest mistake of her life. But I believe in a right to choose!

Answer 10

If I were you I would carry the baby and give it up for adoption. Your baby could be the person to cure cancer!!! There is a reason for everything in life & your child has a purpose! I have a friend who got an abortion at 19 & she will never forgive herslf for it. She regretted it immediantly!! That was 7 years ago and it still haunts her. She said she wishes she would have put it up for adoption. She is now married to a great guy and they are unable to have a baby because she has scar tissue from the abortion & other infertility issues. I hope this helped you with your decision. Please.... I am a young mother myself I had my first child at 23. He is my "LIFE". I could not imagine 1 day with out him, so I had another!! I have 2 babies 12 months apart. I am married & my family is very helpful. If you have no emotional or financial help, I would definately look for an adoption agency ASAP! They will help you find a family you feel would be perfect for your child & they will help you financially until the baby is born. You could also ask for an "open" adoption so you could have a relationship with your child as it grows up. Best Wishes!!

Answer 11

All I can say is that going through this could be the best thing you could do and the worst too!
I went through an episode at that age and let me tell you it was the right decision because I wasn't ready and yet not one day goes by that I thought about what I've done, it felt wrong because I like kids and when I see a child that's around the age of mine wold be it makes me wonder how, what it could of been. I feel like I never gave this poor life a chance, now I have a 9 month old I'm 27 and it feels great being a mommy but at the same time worse because baby's are wonderful especially when they are yours and every time I'm loving and cuddling my child I ALWAYS think about what could of been my first one, and my joy minimizes and sometimes I cry.
You can also considering adoption.