My dad's been verbally abusive for a long time, but it's mainly towards me and my mom. He always acts so charming around his friends and such, and treats me and my mom like dirt-- and we live 2 states away! You know what the bigger problem is: he doesn't even realize he's verbally abusive! I tried confronting my dad about this a few times, but he twists my words around and makes ME look like the mean child!
I know for a fact that-- behind my back-- he back-talks about me being a rotten, spoiled child, and I'm nothing like that!
I know my dad loves me, but just isn't an understanding person. You can lie or tell the truth to him, but it all comes out the same: badly. He's constantly on my case about my weight, what I wear, how smart I am, my makeup, my hair!-- it never ends, and I look just fine! My weight is fine, my clothes... ugh...
So...what should I do about him?
p.s.-- well, just a minor note: at some months, I would visit him... bad idea... treats me like crap!
2007-11-12 07:08:29 · 7 answers · asked by missjokergirl 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
you don't need to be around someone who treats you like that! if your mom loves you the way you are then don't worry about ur dad. he just probably has insecurities about himself. You love your dad because he's your dad but he has no right to talk about you that way. Just remember positive things about urself and tell your dad that if he doesn't change, he will risk losing your relationship.
2007-11-12 07:16:12 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
WOW I am soooo sorry that you have to deal with this. I don't think that it is normal for a parent to do this with no excuse. All I can say is that you can't let him get to you. Don't let any of it sneak in and make you think your not good enough. Just learn from him exactly what you don't want to do when you are a parent. AND also don't go visit him. Obviously he doesn't want to talk about it so you should distance yourself from him. I suggest taking some time and when he wants to know why. Sit him down and say I can talk when you are ready to listen. You can't talk to him when he is being defensive. I hope more than anything you get through this. Remember he is only making you stronger!!!
2007-11-12 07:20:48 · answer #2 · answered by lovely 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you have managed to take the first steps of recognizing where the problem is. You know when your father starts in on you that you really are alright. He is the one with the problem unless you allow his comments to hurt you. Avoiding the hurt is not easy, I realize. It can take a lot of energy to be around someone who requires you to keep a shield up in order to maintain your dignity and self respect. That would mean that visits with him would need to be limited by the amount of energy you feel you have to give. Being that your father lives far away you probably don't have to be around him on a weekly basis. That makes it easier.
When you are a grown adult and no longer are required to visit him like you may need to now, you will have more options on dealing with him. For now though it is your job to be ready to shield yourself from his attacks by knowing it is him and not you. He has learned inappropriate ways of relating to people. Perhaps his love for you will help him learn a new way when you don't respond to his hurtful comments in the same way.
I am not advocating disrespect of your father in anyway. I am merely suggesting that you remember what you know and that is that you are alright the way you are so that you don't have to take his ranting personally. This does not mean that while you are in his care you don't have to follow his rules of conduct. It merely means you can avoid having your feelings hurt around him.
This is not an easy thing to do because we all want to be loved and respected by our parents. When a parent speaks to us in the manner your father speaks to you, it is hurtful. If you can remember that this behavior of your father's is something he doesn't understand himself and most likely does not intend to be hurtful to you then you can shield yourself from the hurt.
I hope this helps you in dealing with him...
2007-11-12 07:32:40 · answer #3 · answered by Terry2fish 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just remember that you don't have to talk to him at all. If he starts being rude, ugly, judgmental or whatever else he does it is okay to tell him in a matter of fact, respectful way, "I don't like it when you talk to me like that." "I really don't think it is fair when you tell me ___." Then if he continues tell him, "I'm going to let you go because I don't like where this conversation is headed," and hang up.
Your Mom has to stand up for herself.
2007-11-12 07:13:34 · answer #4 · answered by wondermom 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe it is time to cut back your communication and visits with your dad. Don't tell him you are doing it, just do it.
2007-11-12 07:17:20 · answer #5 · answered by Go Bears! 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stay away from him and tell him why. Stand up for yourself and don't back down.
2007-11-12 07:12:51 · answer #6 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just ignore him and he will learn the hard way.
2007-11-12 07:17:52 · answer #7 · answered by The Game 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋