I have a husband, 1 son that is 19, another that is 17 and a 3 yr old. My problem is that my dad drops by without even calling and stays for weeks on end. He's here now!
He did call this time but he called earlier in the week and said "I have an eye doctors appointment Friday, I'll be down by the end of the week." I said Ok but...He failed to mention his eye doctors appointment is NEXT FRIDAY! He is sleeping in my oldest sons room on a twin bed so my son is having to stay somewhere else while dad is here. He claims the older boys have been calling and harrassing him to come visit but when I questioned them they said they hadn't even talked to him. When he is here he sleeps all day and up all night slamming cabinets in the kitchen which is right beside our 3 yr olds room, it wakes him up. He also slams doors etc. I love him to bits and pieces but when he awake he is right under our tails. My oldest boys can't even sneak in without him latching on to them. And my 17 yr old...
2007-11-12 06:44:13 · 2 answers · asked by justceleste 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
has Gilberts Syndrome so he has GOT to have his rest but my dad keeps him up all hours of the night even though I have told him he has to get to bed, he has school. If my son tells him he's tired my dad gets all upset like a child. I know he's lonely but geesh, before he even talks about leaving we are all at each others throats.
2007-11-12 06:46:18 · update #1
I've tried talking to him but he just sulks and says no one loves him or cares about him. What in the world can I do to stop this insanity?
2007-11-12 06:51:09 · update #2
I've tried talking to him but he just sulks and says no one loves him or cares about him. What in the world can I do to stop this insanity without hurting his feelings?
2007-11-12 06:52:43 · update #3
Great answer Tjn but I've been through all of that with him. It feels like a no win situation. He won't do anything or go anywhere. He won't even think about having a girlfriend or even getting an animal. He has his own house about 150 miles from us but stays with his best friend instead of his own house. He says he will never move into a retirement home because he has nothing in common with old people.
From what I gather he's not happy regardless of where he is or who he's around. I have actually talked to his doctor. When he lived closer we had the same doctor. My dad takes all kinds of medications and yes, he takes antidepressants. Nothing seems to work. I would never intentionally hurt his feelings but I fear I may have to. It's not that I mind him coming for a visit it's the fact that he stays way to long. He even gets mad and sulks at the boys when they have to work!
2007-11-12 07:06:33 · update #4
I really think the answer is your Dad is facing depression and needs some professional help. He will be in denial too, so be prepared for that. You didnt mention your job, but most jobs will pay for treatment by a psychologist if you have insurance with them. Notice that I said psychologist not a shrink. They are different. This madness will continue until you bring a professional in the picture, either take him there or bring the person to your home if he wont go with you. I dont know if you have tried "tuff love" yet, but it sounds like you have not. It may not work either. He is chronically in need of help. If you love him as you say, do it. The pro will bring questions to him and bring out his inner feelings and allow him to face his fears and say what is causing him to act in this way. It is clear he cannot see how much he is hurting those around him. Good luck. Let me know how it works out.
2007-11-12 16:54:01 · answer #1 · answered by yahoobrian 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Has it occurred to you that your dad is depressed not only lonely? I would suggest you move him into a retirement home with other people his age and alot of activities. Move him to one that is close to you so there is no question of him staying at your house. And get him a pet, a dog or a cat. He is depressed, lonely and has too much time on his hands. Whatever his job was, there is a possibility that he is needed to teach at adult education or do volunteer work. Meals on wheels needs mature people to visit the infirm and homebound. If you love your dad as much as you say you do, you and your family will come up with a better solution than what you have been doing. Get him to the doctor first and make sure you talk to the doctor about his behavior. A mild antidepressant or anti anxiety drug could be simple immediate fix while you help improve the quality of his life.
2007-11-12 14:59:35 · answer #2 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋