I have a grown daughter with whom I have always had a rocky relationship. She has a bad habit of mistreating others, being very self-centered, and badmouthing people behind their backs (including myself). Recently she got into some trouble and had her daughter temporarily taken away from her (her grandmother was kind enough to take custody since i work and cannot afford to). She has been very ungrateful and hateful to Grandma, and when I call her on it, she flies off the handle and begins to badmouth me about how bad a mother I have been, how I never support her and never will, how I am nothing but a F***ing drunk and should just shutup, etc. I have tried to talk to her, she never tries to talk things out but always flies into a defensive rage...."You never understand me, etc." I can't support someone who is always nasty and hateful to people. I am so depressed about this I could die. I am about ready to tell her just don't ever call me again....what do I do? I can't keep this up.
2007-11-12 06:25:24 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I have abused alcohol, her dad has a history of physical & verbal abuse, you can see my kids' childhood was pretty rough at times, not all the time, though. Her brother has had the same upbringing but is still a very sweet, gentle guy. I have apologized to her repeatedly, and have tried to make up for it, but I can't help feeling like there is no way to do that. Hey, I'm not proud of any of it. She has told me "It wasn't as bad as you think, Mommy." She and I get along fairly well nowadays, but her temper is as fiery as her father's. She has always apologized for saying mean things to me, but I don't know how much more I can take. I suffer from severe depression. I do realize both of us need some counselling, but she doesn't seem to want to see anything past the end of her own nose, she wants to live in her well of resentment against everyone forever. At least that's how it seems.
2007-11-12 08:04:42 · update #1
Your daughter is acting out of built up resentments about things she feels were injustices she had to face as a child. She's not facing her issues and doing anything constructive to move forward with her life and she's causing more problems for herself and everyone else. If the courts took away custody of her daughter I would imagine they should have ordered her to get counseling. That's what she needs but it doesn't sound like she'll be receptive to it.
If you feel you've done all you can, tell her you don't want her to contact you again until she's ready to be civil. She's living her life in victim mode. Until she's ready to start taking responsibility for her own actions she won't hear anything anyone else has to say.
If she continues down this same path, she'll be on the other end of things when her child is grown. You don't have a responsibility to put up with her anger. You don't have to take it from her. Tell her if she can't treat you with respect you don't want her in your life. And pray for her with all your might.
2007-11-12 06:49:07 · answer #1 · answered by innerradiancecoaching 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why is she calling you a drunk? Are you? Were you? Your daughter sounds like she is angry at you, are you simply in denial or rewriting history?
Children don't grow up this way on their own, they are a product of their upbringing and how their parents behaved towards them. She wasn't born that way, what happened to make her this way?
If you truly are innocent and she just out of the blue started with this behavior, I'm not sure why you didn't get her help when she was under your care. There isn't anything you can do for a grown woman now, the time to do that was when she was a child.
If I am wrong about this, I apologize but frankly your letter sounds just alittle too much like a parent who was absent and ineffectual and then doesn't want to deal with the outcome. If that's true, then this is what you get, what did you expect?
2007-11-12 07:18:57 · answer #2 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Every time she flips out let her know that you aren't going to listen to her rage and hang up or walk out. But I would also make it clear to her that if she can behave in a sane manner that you will be there for her if she needs you. Sometime grown people misbehave in that way because no one calls them on their actions and sometimes when it's brought to their attention they can change.
2007-11-12 06:47:49 · answer #3 · answered by mrskerlin 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
its your daughter you have already taken care of her and she is a grown woman now she needss to grow up and face the real world and you have done your job already so tell her to deal woth it on her own in a loving way but dont just kik her out of you life
2007-11-12 06:33:30 · answer #4 · answered by shar main lady 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋