I have a 20 yr old who took my debit card. What should I do?

Question

I have a 20 yr old daughter still living at home. She was working as a barista, going to community college, rehearsing for the college play in the evenings, and partying on the weekends. She was laid off from her job a few weeks ago and we had a trip planned to Mexico on Thanksgiving. I have been a single mom of 3 for 5-1/2 yrs and this is my first time taking a REAL vacation. She decided to wait until after her play which is this week and the trip to get another job. Her scenario is to buy lots of clothes and does little to help me out. Her starter went out on her car and she took my debit card to pay for it without asking. I am thinking of going to Mexico without her. I feel hurt and betrayed. Any adivce?

Answer 1

Well basically your daughter stole money from you to fix her car. I would confront her with the facts and tell her how hurt you are. If you cash in the ticket for her will it cover the cost of the starter she bought? If so give her the option of foregoing her vacation to cover the cost of her starter. If it is not enough to cover the cost of the starter than you need to work out immediate arrangements for her to repay what she owes in addition. If you were covering the cost of the vacation for her then she does not get that privilege now due to her disrespectful decision. If she is covering the cost of the vacation trip herself then she no longer can afford to go when she has a new starter to pay for!

She is not a child any longer although she still lives at home. If you want her to step up to the plate and take on adult responsibilities you must give her those responsibilities and not fix things for her any longer as though she was still a child.

Answer 2

There should definitely be repercussions that she feels. Payback is a must. The smart thing to do, to preserve the relationship, would be to leave out the part about "hurt and betrayed" because she will sense that...and you don't want to only get paid back and get her on track, you also want her to learn for future "opportunities" that she should think twice before taking advantage like that. As your child she probably thinks it is your responsibility to take care of her. That should not hurt you, but its just an eye opener that maybe you haven't made it clear enough that its time for her to fly, so to speak....Not really enough info to offer advice on the vacation (can you not afford the car repair AND the vacation? --if that's the case, then she just spent her vacation money---if you can afford it, make her at least pay you back for what she took. The vacation is unrelated to the card incident UNLESS it leaves you without funds).....Not something that should harm your relationship, so don't blow it up into drama.

Answer 3

First of all, I would leave your statement with that specific charge highlighted, some place where she will be sure to see it. If she has any decency, to speak to you about it, then you can explain to her that you will be going to Mexico without her. By not having to pay her way, it will serve as "pay back" for her car repair. Explain that it would have been much different had she had the respect to ASK you. You have managed as a single mother (kudos to you) So the least she can do is learn a lesson from this. She needs to start learning to fend for herself. You need to stick to your guns on this! If you don't, the behavior will only get worse! She is of age, and you really don't owe her anything. She has a place to stay, and a family that loves her. In real life, we don't get to choose when we want to work, Nor is someone there with their debit card freely given! Just remember, if you go to Mexico without her, Lock up your valuables! What she has done is punishable by law! Relation or not.

Answer 4

i want to propose getting a mastercard vs. a debit card. With a debit card you may lose track of money and bypass into the unfavorable and get expenses A debit card would be taken whether the money at the instant are not there. With a mastercard you spot your purchases and nonetheless have a well timed thank you to get the money collectively to pay it. whether you may't you additionally could make money. merely don't be like morons obtainable who've dozens of credit enjoying cards with extensive bills on them. I observed the different guy say they took the banks money. that's not genuine they took the product they offered. The business company loses the money. credit enjoying cards at the instant are not related to the financial company except you dont make a fee.

Answer 5

First of all, its not her card. She should have asked. I think you should go without her. She knew better if she is 20. Don't let your children take advantage of you like that. I say you make her pay it back. I mean her starter didnt cost over $200 I hope. So, she has a new job make her pay for it. Do not let her go on the trip as a result.

Answer 6

www.daveramsey.com

There are some boundaries that need to be set up. Your daughter needs to understand that she needs to be helping you out if she is to be living at home at age 20. She needs to go to the above website and learn about such things as emergency funds and planning for the future.

You are doing her a great favor by giving her a place to stay, food to eat, while she goes to college. Somewhere though she lost the idea that she is your daughter, or even that you are her landlord, and instead she believes that what is yours is hers.

There are many courses of action.... from a stern talking to, all the way up to filing a police report and refusing payment for the starter. What your daughter did was theft.... and if she was 7 yrs old she needed to be grounded.... but at 20 she "should" be going to jail.

Answer 7

I would definitely address this issue. She can't help herself to your money without asking without consequences. I think you might give her an option, though. She can pay you back before the Mexico vacation, or she can miss out on the Mexico vacation. Also, make it clear that what she's done is THEFT and that you can, and will, call the police if she tries it again. Finally, you might want to change your pin numbers, just to be careful.

Answer 8

Your daughter is taking you for granted and has no respect for you. she should never have done such a thing. in future you put your card away somewhere safe that she doesnt know. i would let her off with it this time but at same time let her know you are not a happy mother and she doesnt ever think about doing that again.how would she feel if you went into her savings and spent her well earned money without asking or telling her?

Answer 9

I would def. go to Mexico without her. There is a time in a preant's life that we must let our children go and let them dig their own holes for the sake of "lessons learned". It is hard, I know, but you can get through it. If you keep buying her way through life then she will never learn what she needs to in order to survive on her own when your not around to bail her out.

She could use the time to think about her actions and evaluate whether or not she wants to be an adult yet. She needs to figure things out on her own and you need to let go enough to let her but also be there for her, in a supportive way only, if she falls.

Answer 10

Spank her BUTT,,GOOD. This is only the beginning. Wait until you've paid $12000.00 to fight a family so your daughter has custody of her child then within a month takes off to another state with a NEW boyfriend (2 weeks) Giving the DAD all the ammunition he needs to go back into court and get FULL CUSTODY. Then when THAT GUY really gets to know her,BAILS OUT, after he gets her PREGNANT,,then they finally get married,,it doesn't work,,she dumps the baby on his mother one day while he's at work,,and runs home to us and gets mad because we won't rescue her AGAIN,,THEN THAT FATHER GETS FULL CUSTODY OF THAT CHILD. Better stop her CRAP NOW,MOM