I don't like to be touched except by my boyfriend or hugs & such from family members : please read details.

Question

I recently made a new friend that I see often around campus. He began squeezing or patting me on the shoulder and I explained my aversion to touch.

He became offended and told me he didn't "mean anything by it".

I explained that while I understand that, I still don't like to be touched.

Today he came up behind me in the library and wrapped me in a hug.

What can I say/do to make him STOP?!

Heather, thank you for your answer.

I know that he doesn't mean his shoulder pats to be sexual advances but it's my body and I don't like him touching it.

That's all that matters.
Thanks for making that point!

Peachy Keen, Jelly Bean: I agree with your last point, however my boyfriend works and doesn't go to school right now, so he isn't here with me. Moreover, he isn't touching me excessively, it's just a pat on the shoulder goodbye or something of the sort. That was the problem: it wasn't excessive touching so he didn't understand why I was so averse to it.

omg555-he's not European but I am.

:)
throws off your theory, huh?

Answer 1

That guy is a potential perv. Slap him on the hand if he does that again. I hate guys like that. Good luck :)

Answer 2

I'm a very touchy person and I make affectionate gestures like the ones you've described towards friends quite often. But if someone specifically asked me not to touch them I definitely not hug them. To do so would risk offending the person and losing their friendship. I'm not sure what is going on with this person but apparently he doesn't value your friendship that much. If anything else like this happens you can explain to him that you have already asked him not to touch you and you would consider it harassment. And then distance yourself from that person. If it continues in the future, you can report it to the campus police. I certainly hope these steps are not necessary.

Answer 3

I think what you have here is a boy who was most likely raised in a family that expressed themselves physically. I am quite sure he dose not MEAN to offend you by this, and certainly doesn't mean it sexually. Try telling him again and explain that you know he doesn't mean to be insulting by doing this, but to you it is an insult because him does not respect you wishes. It many be very hard for him to break a life time habit, so be patient, but do tell him EVERY time he does it to stop it. I think he will eventually come around.
and if he does not may be you need to distance yourself from him. But give him a chance first and see what happens.

Good Luck ... I know this is not easy .. I hate when random people hug me it just bothers me.

Answer 4

What a jerk! He obviously doesn't respect you too much if he's ignoring your personal space.

I have a similar problem. If some one I barely know or don't like invades what I like to call "my bubble", I usually tense up and become annoyed. This is usually clue enough for people not to do it again.

However, there are those people like the guy you're having problems with. These people should simply be AVOIDED. A friend of mine's husband (who I can't stand) is very touchy-feely and I try to avoid him at all costs, but since he's also one of my boyfriend's best friends it tends to get pretty difficult.

Since you've just recently started talking to this guy, I suggest trying to avoid him as it'll be easier than trying to avoid someone you've known for years. Also, and this is just my opinion, but no guy in this world would ever get away with excessively touching/hugging me while I'm in a committed relationship as it's very disrespectful both to me and my boyfriend. A nice, friendly "How-Are-You?" hug is fine, but nothing more.

Good luck!

EDIT: Ah, I see and totally understand. As I said before, if he doesn't respect your personal space anymore than he does now, avoid him. There's nothing wrong with being a little overprotective of your personal space. =D

Answer 5

"I really don't mean to offend you, but I was serious when I said that I don't like to be touched by anyone other than my boyfriend or my family. I understand you may be a touchy-feely person, but I am not. If you can't respect my desire not to be touched, I can't continue to associate with you."

Be honest, polite, and direct.

If he doesn't get the message after that, and continues to touch you, embarrass him. Say (as loudly as you are comfortable) "I told you not to touch me." I know that seems mean, but if he won't stop, you have to stand up for yourself!

Answer 6

If you see him coming, step back from him if he makes a move to touch you and you can even put your hand out while saying something like, "please, I'd rather not be touched." If you've already told him several times and he still doesn't stop, you're going to have to think about ending the friendship, as he obviously doesn't respect your boundaries.

Answer 7

I'm a hugger, but I respect those who are averse to it. Sounds like he doesn't. You need to be pretty firm with this guy about your aversion while also letting him know that you still enjoy his friendship. If he still doesn't respect your wishes, then you may want to rethink the friendship.

Answer 8

I am weird about people touching me too. Some people are just naturally touch-y though.
Do you want to continue your friendship? If yes, get used to brushing his arms away when he reaches out. His actions are as natural to him as yours are to you - and he will have to make an effort also.

Answer 9

While you might call this guy a "friend", he sounds like an insecure jerk to me, who is ignoring your wishes not to be touched. I would advise you to sit down with him one more time and look him straight in the eye as you explain to him, YET AGAIN, that you don't like to be touched and ask him to respect your wishes. Otherwise, you might have to end your friendship with him. Be sure to use the word "respect" when you speak to him.

If that doesn't work, I would hit him next time he does it or just plain freak out like you have a mental problem.

Answer 10

I am not comfy with strangers touching me either but in some countries it is customary and perfectly acceptable.Is he European? Just have a talk with him again.