Is it typical for parents to participate in academic advisement and registration for college students?

Question

In my own experience, my parents (who had never been to college), left it up to me. I just assumed that my son would make those decisions for himself, and so far has done a fine job. I know that legally I do not have the right to get involved without his permission, and I have never asked.

Recently I have questioned if I am doing the right thing. A good friend said that she ALWAYS goes to her daughter's advisement appointments and then checks to make sure that she has registered as planned. She also has her daughter's class schedule and social schedule memorized. Furthermore, she insisted that her daughter provide her with the password so Mom can access her college records. Mom (my friend) says that as long as she is footing the bill, she will continue to do this. Then she insinutated that there was something wrong with me for NOT knowing all the details of my son's life.

She calls it responsible parenting. I call it micromanaging an adult. Your opinion, please. Which?

Answer 1

Those of us on the college side of this call that parent a "helicopter parent" because they are always hovering around. Many of this student's friends laugh at her because "mommy comes to school with her". Too often, mommy participates in decisions that she is entirely unqualified to make.

I've seen parents, who have never been to college themselves, argue with an academic advisor (who has a PhD) about what classes little Susie should take. I've seen the same type parents involved to the point that they argue with professors about grades or assignments.

It's not responsible parenting, it's clearly an inability to let go. The sad thing is that this sort of parenting behavior has long-term effects on little Susie who never learns to do anything on her own and can't function as an adult without mom's input and often mom's intervention. Possibly worse, this interferes in the student's social life as well - making her an outcast or butt of jokes among her peers.

You know it's gone way too far when mom comes along to a job interview and insists on participating in the negotiations (yes, I'm very serious - I've seen it). There is no way that Susie gets that job and then we all have a good laugh about how the young woman can't even go to the bathroom without her mommy.

Sadly, when this is done by a parent that hasn't been to college herself, the result is often that the student fails to succeed and drops/fails out. The advice they give is seen as a directive by the student and all too often, the parent is wrong (not having experienced college themself) and offers an incorrect answer.

After advising against it - I once saw an average student take a first-semester freshman load that included 3 major lab sciences, a writing intensive, and calculus (18 hours) because mom and dad insisted. At the semester half, they insisted that she not drop the two labs she was failing (F). She failed out first semester with a GPA under 1.0 and they felt "she should have worked harder". Neither parent had gone to college. [anyone who doesn't immediately know why Susie failed on this schedule should never advise on student schedules]

Asking about how Susie is doing in college and even asking to see the grade reports at the end of a semester is not unreasonable; especially if you're paying the bill. Being directly involved in the actual attendance at college (such as advising appointments) creates a student that remains a child well into a period that he/she should be a self-functioning adult.

It's common - it's sad though. Your friend is not helping her child grow up - she's creating a perpetual child.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Helicopter_parent

Answer 2

It may all be in the way you view your child. My son will be going away in August and I plan on following through at least for the 1st year. Just because they are at the age of majority I do no view him as adult yet. It takes more to being an adult than turning 18. I don't feel that its micromanaging -let's just say that its assisting. I want to make sure that my hard earned dollars are going where they need to.

Good luck!

And if what you are doing is working for you and your child- good for you because you've done something right where you don't have to assist in that transition.

Answer 3

O.K. As a mom, I filled out the financial aid papers, went to the very first meeting to sign up for their classes and help them find their classes. It was up to them what they wanted to take or do with their lives. After that first initial meeting, when I knew they were familiar and comfortable with the campus, they were on their own to sign up for following semesters and meeting with advisors. On occaision, I will call the college to ask a question for them. I guess you would say I am their kickstart.

Answer 4

I think it depends on the child. Some teenagers can handle the responsibility of college when they get out of school and some can't. I think it's up to how the parent feels they should parent their child. I also think that it was ugly for her to judge how you handle your children. There is no right or wrong answer.