What are some signs that you are living with a person who has anti-social personality disorder?

Question

The symptoms of a sociopath, psychopath, or someone with narcissistic personality disorder?

And is there hope for this sort of person to ever change?

Have any of you ever been in a relationship with someone who had these symptoms? How did you cope? Were you able to get out of the relationship? Did you seek help? What kinds of help or support did you need?

Can anyone post some links (if they can find any) for help/therapy/support for people who are living with someone (and dealing with the effects of being involved with someone) who has this disorder?

Answer 1

What I got from http://www.accg.net/antisocial.htm:


SYMPTOMS
The signs and symptoms include:

1. Lack of concern regarding society’s rules and expectations.
2. Repeated violations of the rights of others.
3. Unlawful behavior.
4. Lack of regard for the truth
5. In parents, neglect or abuse of children.
6. Lack of a steady job. Frequent job changes through quitting and/or being fired
7. Tendencies toward physical aggression and extreme irritability.

TREATMENT

Currently, there is no widely accepted effective method of treating sociopathic personality types. They tend to be very manipulative during treatment and tend to lie and cover up personal faults in themselves and have little insight into their behavior patterns. They tend to exhibit short-term enthusiasm for treatment, particularly after an incident which has brought them into contact with society or the law, however, once this anxiety is relieved and reduced, they frequently drop out of treatment and fall back into the same sociopathic patterns that brought them into treatment initially. In most cases, the prognosis remains unfavorable throughout the individual’s life-span.

An Antisocial Personality Disorder is not just a medical term for criminality. It describes a long term pervasive personality disorder that is very resistant to treatment. Suicide, alcoholism, vagrancy, social isolation are common among these individuals, but there is a remarkable lack of anxiety or depression for situations in which these emotions are usually expected. In spite of their run-ins with the law, they usually present a very charming and normal facade. Dynamically, these individuals remain fixed in earlier levels of development. Usually there is parental rejections and/or indifference and needs for satisfaction and security are not met. As a result, psychoanalytic theory holds that the ego which controls impulses between conscience and impulses is underdeveloped. Behavior is usually id directed due to this lack of ego strength, a result is a need for immediate gratification. An immature superego allows the individual to pursue gratification regardless of the means and without experiencing any of the feelings of guilt. Functioning has been implicated as an important doctrine in determining whether an individual develops this disorder. Usually the following circumstances are predisposed factors:

1. Absence of parental discipline.
2. Extreme poverty.
3. Removal from the home.
4. Growing up without parental figures of both sexes.
5. Erratic, inconsistent discipline.
6. Being “rescued” each time the person is in trouble and never having to suffer the consequences of his own behavior.
7. Maternal deprivation and lack of an appropriate “attachment”.

This problem is much more prevalent in males than females. If present in females, it usually occurs at the onset of puberty. In males the onset is usually earlier on in childhood. Behaviors can diminish somewhat after the age of thirty when the individual seems to “mellow out” and learns more effective ways of staying within the system. Clients tend to be very manipulative and lack motivation for change. They very rarely seek therapy voluntarily and they are usually forced into therapy through some involvement with the law or other aspects of their life. History also reveals significant impairment in social, marital, and occupational functioning. Therapists relate that these clients tend to lack emotional attachment to others. They tend to be personable, charming, and engaging and are usually above average in intelligence. This demeanor, however, is often a pretense intended to deceive others and facilitate the exploitation of others. Emotional reactions tend to be extreme and these individuals tend to lack concern for other people’s feelings, be preoccupied with their own interests, and tend to have grandiose expressions of their own importance. Insight and judgment are usually poor as is their responsiveness to therapy. Therapy should focus on helping the individual develop a trusting relationship with other significant people in their lives; children, spouses, etc. The client also needs to learn healthy ways to deal with anxiety and learn to postpone or defer gratification of impulses as a positive step toward developing a more mature and socially more positive way of interacting with others. Focus should also be on promoting development of alternate constructive methods of interacting with others rather than manipulation for self gain. Progress should be measured in terms of self control and use of appropriately assertive rather than aggressive behaviors to gain desired responses. Anxiety and frustration also need to be recognized and diminished and the client also needs to focus on appropriate means of management of these two emotions which tend to cause the greatest conflict with authority and others. Response to therapy is usually very poor, tends to be long term. However, most of these clients do discontinue therapy prematurely and only remain if forced or coerced which further complicates treatment.

Answer 2

First and foremost, if you even suspect this is true, make the quickest and safest exit you possibly can from this situation. But sadly for many, if they had the capacity to follow that, they would have never gotten into the situation to begin with.

But from a purely academic perspective, there are a few indicators which serve well as warnings.
1. Pathological lying. The inability to differentiate between reality and a fixated desire.
2. A complete inability to be empathic of the needs and emotions of others.
3. A persistent belligerent and abusive assault on any who disagree with them.
4. A predefined description of another's existence from which departure is not allowed.

There are more, but these are enough for any sensible person to act upon. But as I said above, if a person ignored (denied) the signals of behavior when entering the relationship, chances are small they will overcome that denial and free themselves from it. I've already had one close friend murdered by her child's father, being fully aware of the violence that person was capable of, and had clearly demonstrated. Now, I realize there is nothing that anyone can do for another to enlighten them. A person is either committed to truthfulness, or they're not. If you're not committed to truthfulness, you won't require it from those around you either. More often than not, we are deceived because we choose to be. The unrealistic belief in another's ability to change, is the primary reason why you choose to get into the relationship to begin with. That is the first step of denial, and typically fatal.

Shingoshi Dao
2007.Nov.12 Mon, 14:58 --800 (PST)

Answer 3

RainiaW's answer sounds awful familiar. The problem with shrinks is that they try to put everyone into a black and white classification rather than seeing that everybody has some of these tendencies as well as other tendencies. As in most of the real world it comes in shades, not black and white. So, their system tends to ignore borderline tendencies and miss opportunities for improvement.
The most important thing seems to be understanding that the brain forms habits. The older and more ingrained the habits, the harder to change them. As a couple of my born again friends have said while discussing TV and movies, Garbage In, Garbage out. The person must want to change the outcomes around them, which fits nicely with their desire to control others. Show them the link between what they are doing and the results and then show them where to change the pattern and they will gradually improve. Expect relapses, especially under stress. Teach them how to control events, especially when to turn and walk away, in order to control their personal level of stress. Do not try to prevent such a person from walking away when they need to. Encourage them to do that. They have an inner battle to fight and they must deal with it. Be supportive when they come back. Discuss, don't argue. Confrontation can be dangerous with such a person.

Answer 4

I won't go into 'symptoms', as the first few posters went into informative depth (thank you ladies), but I have definitely come across people who were/are anti-social in their own way, extremely reserved, bitter towards others generally, viewing only the worst in everyone and everything, disassociating themselves from having real connections with people, constantly feeling victimised or a target of others, and so on...
I did not (and do not) try to change any of the people I've met displaying these attitudes or behaviours, each person chooses to remain as he/she is or change, there is little any one else can do, unless directly affecting someone else.

Answer 5

Tera, sorry, but my understanding is that this disorder doesn't leave much hope. One also puts themselves in more danger than most other disorders by trying to help the anti-social personality sufferer. Really, think Sopranos. Is this a roomate, a family member, a friend? I'd be glad to chat with you over e-mail about this.

Answer 6

my husband (well, current one. lol) has most of the traits associated with narcissistic personality disorder.

He's always got to know where I am at. It's ok if HE does something but God forbid I ever try it. (example: He's not a smoker, usually, but for awhile there, he'd smoke while at work on break. BUT he found out I had a couple of cigarettes years ago, although I usually don't smoke, and he's livid. He smokes pot from time to time and sees nothing wrong with it. I won't touch the stuff but if I ever did, he'd get very mad at me)

I get lied to so many times and I'm sick of it. Even little 'white lies'. He lies to everyone. He thinks of himself only, and he's even told me "if it don't benefit me in any way, I'm not interested". He is controlling with his money, keeping 1/3 of his paycheck for stupid gaming stuff, CD's, etc, when we are behind on bills.

I could go on and on.

Needless to say, for years I thought something was wrong with me and that I was going crazy. Come to find out that HE is the one with the problem.

I liked the answer the first person gave. It was very informational.

Answer 7

A big red flag is thinking that they are "more special" than other people. Do they take pleasure in tricking people or getting away with something? If they cheat on you, does it seem like a game to them, rather than something to be ashamed of?

ASPD is the "grown up" version of a conduct disorder in children. Reasons for this to develop were covered nicely by aposter above, but include poor attachment to parents, lack of discipline in the home, early use of foster care, and other disruptive influences on the child's ability to bond. Basically, he learns to only think of himself, which is maladpative in any sort of relationship. Urge him to seek help, and break it off.

Answer 8

I can't do better than Google, but I do recall something that you may want to look for, some lesser known symptoms (I don't recall the source but I recall seeing this in different places)

Do they regularly boast about having tricked people, pulled one over on them, etc.? Do they treat everything in life as a game with winners and losers and boast of their own skill?

Do they often talk about, when they've tricked someone, having dropped clues of what they were going to do and feel even more triumphant because those clues hadn't been spotted and suggest that the person tricked deserved it because they hadn't been paying attention?

Do they like to make up words and to use code words with their friends and confidants to exclude those around them and feel superior?

Since, object, in her characteristically condescending and dismissive manner, has cast aspersions on what I've written, I found a source that mentions each of the above and it is also filled with further references for you.

http://faculty.ncwc.edu/TOCONNOR/428/428lect16.htm
http://home.ntelos.net/~write/sociopth.html
http://faculty.ncwc.edu/TOConnor/301/psycpath.htm

Answer 9

Dr. Robert D. Hare of the university of British Columbia has devised a standarised cheklist used by law enforment agencies, and others. These tests have been translated into many languages and used all over the world. More than one type have been developed to meet varying circumstances.

edit
Hare is the world-leading authority on the subject and he is convinced the answer to your last question is pretty much "NO".

edit:
"Have any of you ever been in a relationship with someone who had these symptoms? How did you cope? Were you able to get out of the relationship?" And on more than one occassion, lol! Yes to all of the above. There are more of these people around then you would think, or WANT to think!

Scientists have recently discovered a genetic component as the behavior tends to run in familiies and I have seen an example of this up-close-and-personal: CREEEPY!! The children learn the behaviors from their parents; also, they are predisposed genetically to be this way. Check it out. There is no concrete evidence that early chilhood (attatchment) experience plays a defining role; this is merely speculation and Hare has never mentioned it. Otherwise every inadequately 'attatched' child would grow up to be a sociopath, and we know this isn't the case. I read ages ago that it had been associated with a particular parenting style too: the 'authoritarian' + 'inconsistent' variety. This I have also personally seen evidence of.

The person above provided no source and I think the information is 'iffy'. What Gnu is describing is.... nothing to do with these people. They don't play encoded word games, that's for sure. They are far too busy forging cheques and committing fraud and other crimes to waste their time on that. Many of them are crooks- habitual crooks. They feel a tremendous sense of entitlement, and need constant stimulation (high risk-taking). They are PARASITIC - they need to get all their needs met through other people, who they dispose of like used kleenex when they have outlived their usefulness. Many land their butts in the klink over and over again. Many don't get caught committing crimes, or just don't engage in criminal activity. They are all lie pathologically, cheat, perhaps steal too. Many are 'fast talkers', charming... and superficial. They have no capacity for empathy. There is alot of overlap with Narcissistic PD. I'll bet if you check you will see that many people who are diagnosed with one are diagnosed with the other. 'Co-morbidity', it's called, and more males than females are diagnosed with both disorders.

I will write more later. I know these people WELL.

edit:
1. Absence of parental discipline (no evidence)
2. Extreme poverty (no evidence and insulting to the poor)
3. Removal from the home (no evidence)
4. Growing up without parental figures of both sexes (no evidence)
5. Erratic, inconsistent discipline. YES, EVIDENCE
6. Being “rescued” each time the person is in trouble and never having to suffer the consequences of his own behavior (I personally saw this in one case; 'enabling' in adulthood so behaviors are maintained (NOT develop in children). I say no evidence because this entire spiel is supposed to be about children)
7. Maternal deprivation and lack of an appropriate “attachment” (no evidence)

Answer 10

I cbf reading all that. Are you a psychopath? If so, why did you give us a break? I read a few points. Stop telling us not to chase goals when obviously you have a goal writing this. Geez. Cya!!