My father died some years ago, but my parents divorced when I was five. Now in my thirties, I got married several years ago. I was the last child to leave home and get married. My mom retired two years before I got married. Then I got married and the whole relationship changed. My brothers and sisters had fallen out with her many times over the years, so when I left home, she was aggressive with me too, and my wife. It put unecessary pressure on our marriage. My mom never understood that my wife, and my life, comes first. It has to, right?
Anyway, I find it harder and harder to be friends with my mom. My question is, how much should I be doing for her? She is a generally negative person, even though I try and gee her up, she is not interested in improving her life, alwayts seeing the black side of things. Add in that she gets really nasty when she drinks alcohol.
I care about her, but can't bear spend time with her. What else should I do?
2007-11-11 20:23:43 · 13 answers · asked by jonoxk 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I called her yesterday and told her I would get her fruit from the shop (having dropped her foodoff on Saturday). She did'nt help me put things away, and omg, I saw whisky glasses in the fridge. She claims to have agoraphobia, but if she can get to the shop down the road she is messing me.
She has refused to go see my doctor, who in my opinion would be able to help her. But she don't want help. It is easier to wallow in pity. God knows I have had my dark days, so I am not being over critical, I've been there, but don't
see alcohol abuse as the answer. Many people her age and older try new things like digital tv, internet, she never has, everything seems difficult for her and I don't know what to do.
She knew I was coming last night, yet when I pulled up, the lights went off and she refused to answer the door. I put her bank book, I updated for her, through the door, but could'nt do the food obviously. Took 1 hour to get to her home, when I could have been home. What to do?
2007-11-12 21:38:32 · update #1
tell her you love her but she better get help for this person she has become and that you will help her
2007-11-11 20:36:29 · answer #1 · answered by john 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hey there mate it sounds as if your going through a tough time have you tried siting down talking to your mom on your own telling her how you feel i think it needs to be done you have your wife which should be your first concern it is not Fair on your wife to take any grief from your mom, i think your mum is lonely a kind of depression that is hard to get out off she does need help with her drinking all you can do is try talking and if this still carries on then leave the visits for a while just let her know you love her but you and your wife deserve to be happy with or without her consent good luck mate chin up.
2007-11-11 21:21:57 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Actually, you have no responsibility for your parents.
Your feelings are out of the love you have for your mother, BUT you and your family come first. Gotta be straight up and to the point with your mother.
Also, sounds like she may need therapy or AA, which if is very difficult because most people don't admit there is a problem.
Good Luck and keep up your optimism.. drop her a card or a phone call .. if you feel the need for a mother-son bonding. She should actually be bonding with both you and your wife....
2007-11-11 20:53:38 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
She's sounds like she's clinically depressed and needs medical help. Many depressed people try to self medicate with alcohol but it just makes it worse. Call her doctor and explain her symptoms to him/her. Then insist that your mom make an appointment to see her doctor. He can prescribe something for her that can literally change her life and her perspective and attitude. She'll be a much happier person and she will be able to enjoy life again. Good luck.
2007-11-11 20:43:07 · answer #4 · answered by mollyflan 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How awful for you. Perhaps she needs therapy and medication to help her with the negative outlook on life. To save your marriage you need to limit the amount of time you spend with her. Make sure to tell her why. Yes, your wife and your marriage come first.
(My mother was like that, and it's hard to live with. I moved 40 miles away and it was a little better.)
2007-11-11 20:30:12 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i know how you feel i have my mum living with me i'm engaged to be married and all she does is call him all the time she tells my son he will abuse him and be cruel he is a really good man and got a good job i would not mind but he is in the forces so hardly see him tell your mum how you feel she has had her life it's your turn now try make her some new friends be pushy if you have to hope you work it out i don't know what the hell i'm going to do over my mum.
2007-11-11 21:30:11 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
sorry but I gave up on my mother a long time ago, before I was married, she never took care of me growing up, I was in and out of foster homes, until I went to live with my dad. I made several attempts to help her but her drugs and alcohol are her first priority, I cannot help her if she is not willing to help herself. I still talk to her and tell her I love her but when she calls for money I don't send it to her anymore, and if she calls drunk or on drugs I tell her to call when she is sober. My husband and my kids come first, you cannot save everyone from themselves.
2007-11-11 20:30:43 · answer #7 · answered by shawn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the final answer is eighteen, yet there is the exception of having a later age particularly stated in a divorce decree. My father and mom are divorced and my mom needed my brother and that i to have our college paid for thus she made constructive that the main suitable divorce contract stipulated that she paid a million/3 of our costs until eventually we graduated college and my father paid 2/3. ( the decide approved this because of the fact it is as close as accessible to what might have got here approximately in the event that they weren't divorced) devoid of having it particularly stated in a divorce the age is eighteen for financial help. it is often 18 so a approaches as criminal accountability in case you have been to get in difficulty.
2016-10-16 05:30:16 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that when she stops drinking, you will be glad to resume the relationship, but as long as she is abusive and aggressive, you do not want to see her. Tell her that you love her, but it is putting too much of a strain on you and on your family life.
2007-11-11 20:35:17 · answer #9 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to focus on your own life and marriage...make YOUR family a priority now. Be good to your mom...but don't let her destroy you or make you feel guilty. Maybe she needs friends...or professional counseling. At any rate, you cannot allow her problems to destroy yours and your wifes happiness
2007-11-11 20:46:40 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
dont try and take the place of your dad, you cannot live two lives , its called the cling affect , try and gee her up by all means but dont get suckered in to be the only solution to your moms problems, it will be played upon no matter who you married, live your life not your moms
2007-11-11 20:42:18 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋