What are you thoughts....Is it really better to "stay together for the kids"???

Question

Why or Why not?

Answer 1

No, because when you stay together for the kids and you don't love each other and fight all the time it hurts the kids more. I wished my parents would have divorced so I wouldn't have to have had to listen to them fight so much.

Answer 2

NOT if the kids see/hear you arguing often or in a state of very deep unhappiness.

They will suffer more.

Also, the earlier the divorce the better.

Each family is different and there is no "general" right answer.

You have to be honest to yourselves and ask if the kids are truly happy with you together, it may be that you will be raising kids that (because of you staying together) will be pre-disposed to unsuccessful relationships when they are adults simply because they don't have a successful happy family as a role model.

For many folk, breaking up is the great unknown but at least you will have a chance of happiness/security, and in time so will the kids.

More important that anything else, a single parent is a greater parent if he/she can provide the love/stability that all children need and a single parent HAPPY family is better than an unhappy family with both parents together.

Any child therapist will confirm this to you.

Best wishes to you.

Answer 3

If the relationship is at a point of no return, I think that staying together for the kids will be harmful for them in the long run, as children are much more perceptive than adults tend to think, and will eventually pick up on the signs of unhappiness between the two, this does not serve as a good example of a healthy marriage for one's children.

My folks divorced when I was an adolescent, it was a difficult and painful transition for me, and my mother re-married a man who didn't make matters any better, but my father always remained an essential part of my life, and through their example, I've learned to be cautious and not impulsive nor emotionally-driven when taking a relationship to a more serious level, such as moving in together or formalising things.

However, among the few cons of divorce is that the court system usually favours women, the children will most likely remain in her custody, and it is then up to the parents to provide a balance from both sides of attention, discipline, affection, education and guidance to their children, without disrespecting and bashing each other nor the ex wife using the children to punish the ex husband, which happens.
There are other factors.

Answer 4

After I got divorced I went and got some therapy.........I learned that children want their parents together becuase that provides them "security" the break up puts doubt in that feeling of security and that is what screws up or scares the kids. Actually they dont care if you love each other, about your sex life, as long as the two of you are interacting in some form they have assurance that security is there. Quite frankly if I had to do it again when my kids were 12 and 14 I would have stuck it out for what 6 hears till they 18/ the mental **** they went thru for six years (while being excellently cared for) I would never do again (the only exception I can see looking back for anyone else would be ...abuse while I thought I was doing it for kids so they didnt see the dysfunction between the x and myself was selfish....I was doing it for my self and like I said regrettfully. Its been a long time but me my kids and i are doing great....

Answer 5

I don't think its better. If parents are constantly fighting it'll only make things worse for the kids. I grew up in a household with a lot of arguing and it really screwed me up. I'm not going to use it as an excuse for me being the way I am but it did have a lot to do with it. Children need to be in a loving environment, not a verbal war zone.

If the situation is like the girl below me, then it probably would be best that they stay together. But only if things are civil.

Answer 6

It all depends on the situation and the age of the kids. If its causing the kids more harm than it does them good by seeing the parents at each others throats all the time or if its a violent relationship then no its not a good idea to stay together.

Answer 7

If you can't work out the problems between yourself and your partner than your better off apart.
You are only hurting your kids more by staying together. Do you think they like hearing parents yelling at one another?

Make sure if you do separate that you keep your children's needs covered. They still love you both, go to counselling and try and work out a plan that works for you both and the kids.

Answer 8

well... being raised in a broken home.. my dad left when i was very young.. from then on, i hardly saw him - mainly because he decided to up and live about 200 miles away. that was his choice, not mine.
however, even when my mum moved and he was only an hours drive away - i still hardly ever got to see him.
these were his choices at the end of the day and not mine - the result has been that now.. over 30 years since my mum & dad divorced, we no longer talk (haven't for 3 years)... but.. I have no idea what it is like to have a father.

now... flipside to this is that I always told myself that I would never do the same thing that he did... sometimes though, you can't control everything that goes on in your life. for over a year I lived with the thought of being in a loveless relationship just for the sake of my daughter - this has undoubtedly caused me some strife, because i cannot imagine having to live my life without love in it for the next 10-15 years.

deep down i know that the right choice is the choice i've made - and at least by splitting up now rather than later - it's amicable and hopefully everyone will be able to get on with their lives, but more importantly - we can each find what's missing from our lives (love)... and I can still be around for my daughter.

Answer 9

my parents stayed together for us kids until we were 18. i told them at the time that they should have split up and pursued happiness elsewhere before that, but my mom told me that when you have kids, their well-being becomes your number 1 priority. for them, that meant not disrupting our lives by asking us to split our income in half and bounce all over between homes and see our parents dating other people we didn't like. theirs wasn't a bad relationship - they didn't yell, curse, hate each other, cheat, lie, make life miserable for us. they simply grew apart and became more like roommates than anything else. and now that i have a child, i can't say i'd do differently in the same situation. my parents get along fine these days, and are better friends than when they were married. their love for us made them better people thru the divorce and i can't tell you how much i appreciate that.

doesn't mean i think this works for every couple facing problems. it's better that kids don't live in a home when there is abuse, neglect, safety issues or major strife and discord. kids are pretty resilient - they'll bounce back from most things you throw at them as long as you still show love and as much consistency as possible.

Answer 10

You can if you realize that you have to take it a step further and try help, but if there is no helping staying together for your children can hurt them more than help them. Look up the subject and do it the right way, don't talk about adult issues with them, don't use them, don't fight over them... my parents stayed together and then divorced when I was older (17) and thought it was soooo much easier that way, well it wasn't. Try help first (therapy and such), its always worth a try.

Answer 11

Think about the innocent kids and first try if you can mend your ways. I agree with the 4th answer of Mr. THINK TANK (00). However, if you have reached a point of no return then you must do what you want to. Always keep in mind --------
The truth is that existence wants your life to become a celebration… because when you are unhappy; you also throw unhappiness all around.