How do I explain to my husband of 13 years that we need to divorce?

Question

To sum this up quickly; I was 17 and pregnant, married the father, divorced within the year of the birth of the child. I married my best friend from high school and we have been married for 13 years now. We both have grown up together and have one child together plus the other from my previous marriage. I love him; but I know now that I am not in love with him and only married him so I wouldnt be alone. I can't imagine my life without him, yet, I can't imagine living the rest of my life with him. He is a great man; but, he has a terrible temper when it comes to me since I have been the ONLY woman ever in his life. I have started therapy but he will not go. He knows I am unhappy and he too is unhappy but when the subject comes up, he just shuts down. What can I do?

Answer 1

Keep going to counselling if it is helping and get the divorce papers filed really if you are both unhappy why continue this marriage.

Just tell him this: That you love him as a good friend
but do not love him as a husband anymore and never really have and that you came to him in a time of need so you wouldn't be alone with a baby.

Tell him that you have loved the years you have had and the child you share as a couple but you cannot stay in a marriage that causes you so much hurt and suffering.

Also tell him that the children deserve to be raised in a house of love and joy not depression and anger.

One last thing if you do not know him find God and prayer.
God Bless and Best Wishes.

PS. Since you say he has a temper have someone with you
like maybe his mother or your dad just encase he blows up.

Answer 2

Do you know what Love is? Love is a commitment. I suspect you do not know what love is if you want to destroy your childs life for personal satisfaction. Love is not the googoos that you feel as a teenager. Love is being there, even when you would rather be elsewhere.

You have children. Do you Love them? It doesn't sound like you do. It sounds to me that your ready to chuck it all because you feel like it. What about the childrens feelings and needs? Don't you care at all?

I have included a few links below that I am sure will help both you and your ex find a way to put aside your petty differences and help you work together for the sake of your child. Studies show that equal time with both parents will make a child more likely to grow up emotionally well adjusted and healthy, and more likely to perform better in school and life.

God Bless

Frank Pytel

Side Note: Various Google searches including the quotes.

“Child Custody” : 1,800,000 hits
“Child Custody” -Lawyer : 1,680,000 hits
“Child Custody” -Lawyer -Attorney : 1,460,000 hits
“Child Custody” -Lawyer -Attorney -Judge : 1,260,000 hits
“Child Custody” -Lawyer -Attorney -Judge -Litem : 1,250,000 hits
“Child Custody” -Lawyer -Attorney -Judge -Litem -Law : 587,000 hits
“Shared Child Custody” : 1,270 hits
“Joint Child Custody” : 790 hits

http://www.true-equality.org/
http://www.deltabravo.net/
http://www.fapt.org/index.php?option=com_frontpage&Itemid=1
http://www.f4j.com/
http://groups.yahoo.com/search?query=shared+child+custody
http://360.yahoo.com/my_profile-O8EcRbkhYrI8Y76FID5PBDX6;_ylt=Av95cKrS2heIv727lcF0FuikAOJ3

Answer 3

That was the worst thing you could do , marry someone so you wont be alone , basically he was the rebound guy. Now his feelings is all in it and yours are not. Only thing you can do is tell him to go to counseling or its divorce. If he wont TRY to fix the marriage then why should you. Everything you told us , tell him. If he doesnt want to listen then do what you need to do in order to be happy.

Answer 4

You married him just to avoid being alone? You used him for 13 years. Tell him that and he's likely to be glad to see the end of you.

Answer 5

being with some one for 13 yrs is a long *** time. breaking up with him may be your only option but you may lose him altogether. he may be able to stay in contact with you but chances are it will hurt him to much to just be friends. its a hard road but if your not in love then you have to do whats best for you. listen to your head but always follow your heart!

Good luck!

Answer 6

he shuts down because it's a hard fact to face it sounds like you both know it wasn't meant to be please be cautious with his temper and your doing the right thing by seeking help make sure the kids safety comes first and be strong

Answer 7

keep oing to therapy talk to therapist about how to leave and when to tell him When a man has a bad temper he is dangerous. you may have to go to a shelter and then get a lawyer.