My husband and I are in the midst of an amicable divorce after 21 years. All that is left is to decide some details and bring the papers to the courthouse. It should be finalized before Christmas.
My husband has a girlfriend - I think it's great, she makes him happy, he and I make eachother miserable.
I had a boyfriend until yesterday. Anyway, my husband was very sympathetic and uncharacteristically supportive when I was upset by the breakup.
I went out with a very good friend last night as I needed a shoulder to cry on.
She asked me if I realized that this situation was really weird. The whole thing about him and I not 'technically' being divorced yet and both having other relationships.
My husband and I haven't had 'man & wife' intimacy since last spring. Both of us know that the other has been intimate with their new partner.
Our kids (older teens) know of our other relationships and approve of our choices.
Does anyone else think this is really weird?
2007-11-11 18:21:52 · 14 answers · asked by Tauri Athena 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No it is not weird, in fact it is a good sign that you are both handling your respective situations with maturity and that you have both moved on. It is quite common for people who are 'not right' for each other to find a new level of communication once a divorce has been agreed.
My wife and I split for very similar reasons last year and even though a third party was what finally ended it I know that it had been coming for about 5 years anyway. So when my ex-wife was 'dumped' by her new boyfriend in January this year I was surprised to find myself being very supportive towards her and trying to help her feel better at a time when she was at a very low point.
She is still single, whether that is y choice or not is not something I know and nor do I consider it my business but I do know that she has said that she is pleased that I have now found happiness with somebody new-she knows she couldn't make me as happy as I now am with my gf and equally I know that although I loved her I wasn't able to be the person she wanted that would make her happy.
2007-11-12 00:06:26 · answer #1 · answered by Very happily married. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, its not weird. He is happy. He can afford to be sympathetic and supportive. My only issue is whether you have given yourself enough time to heal after your 21 year relationships demise. A relationship dying is very similar to the death of a family member. Have you had adequate time to grieve/heal before trying to build another relationship? I read somewhere that a person coming out of long term relationship should give themselves 1 year for every 5 years of the relationship to readjust to life before becoming involved in a serious relationship(rebound thing). Perhaps it is for some serious introspection time. I don't know if i would wait that long, but I do know it would be really hard for me to get back into a relationship after having one of this duration fail.
2007-11-11 18:43:34 · answer #2 · answered by Noelle M 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are dead wrong. The children need you. They do not approve of what you do. They merely accept that their parents are jerks. You both need to grow up and be there for them. Teenagers need their parents the most. Children of 8 or 9 are great. They ask all the right questions. Teens profess that they do not want anything from either of their parents. This couldn't be further from the truth.
Grow up. You have one shot at raising children. Stop acting like one and be a parent.
I have included a few links below that I am sure will help both you and your ex find a way to put aside your petty differences and help you work together for the sake of your child. Studies show that equal time with both parents will make a child more likely to grow up emotionally well adjusted and healthy, and more likely to perform better in school and life.
God Bless
Frank Pytel
Side Note: Various Google searches including the quotes.
“Child Custody” : 1,800,000 hits
“Child Custody” -Lawyer : 1,680,000 hits
“Child Custody” -Lawyer -Attorney : 1,460,000 hits
“Child Custody” -Lawyer -Attorney -Judge : 1,260,000 hits
“Child Custody” -Lawyer -Attorney -Judge -Litem : 1,250,000 hits
“Child Custody” -Lawyer -Attorney -Judge -Litem -Law : 587,000 hits
“Shared Child Custody” : 1,270 hits
“Joint Child Custody” : 790 hits
http://www.true-equality.org/
http://www.deltabravo.net/
http://www.fapt.org/index.php?option=com_frontpage&Itemid=1
http://www.f4j.com/
http://groups.yahoo.com/search?query=shared+child+custody
http://360.yahoo.com/my_profile-O8EcRbkhYrI8Y76FID5PBDX6;_ylt=Av95cKrS2heIv727lcF0FuikAOJ3
2007-11-11 21:50:39 · answer #3 · answered by Frank Pytel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No it is not weird at all. If they two of you have grown apart, and want an amicable divorce, then why shouldn't you be happy for each other if your partner finds a better life with someone else.
2007-11-11 18:27:30 · answer #4 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO, ACTUALLY ITS QUITE COMMON, however the leaning on your soon to be ex, isn't promising ,due to the fact that you both openly admitted adultry to each other ,which be used against you in court and also shows the court that you two can still talk and comfort each other, so maybe divorce isn't the answer(counciling) might be better.
2007-11-11 18:29:06 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely not!
I can really admire two people who can admit "Hey, it's not working" and be big about it. Weird? Maybe, because it's not the norm. But it's clearly easiest on everyone involved
I wish I could have gone through my divorce this way but it was impossible.
2007-11-11 18:37:44 · answer #6 · answered by kimberleyelizabeth 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I got myself into a relationship with a man who had been separated from his wife for four months. All I can say is that it was a horrible experience.
2007-11-11 19:13:35 · answer #7 · answered by Joa5 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. You both moved on. You both know the relationship is over. There is nothing wierd about moving on and being happy.
2007-11-11 18:26:19 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
not at all as long as both parties agree to the situation the paperwork only makes it legal you both are doing the right thing by making yourselfs happy
2007-11-11 18:31:36 · answer #9 · answered by ujustbyou 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nothing weird about this...Thankfully you both figured out you two were not meant to be and both of your lives have moved on....
2007-11-11 18:33:36 · answer #10 · answered by ABBYsMom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋