What do you do to get an ex-husband to love you again?

Question

Tried everything with this guy I was married to for 8 years. We had 3 of our own children and one from a prior marriage. After our divorce, he tried to get back together with me, but I was happy with things the way they were and wasn't ready. I would spend nights over at his house because he wanted me to and I was lonely too. And then, boom ,he met someone, and now when I thought we were working things out, all has beenspoiled because of this other person. What do you do in a situation like this? What can I say to him now? I feel betrayed, and am concerned that he is thinking the grass is greener on the other side. He is so infatuated with this woman. Any advise? I would like to be a family again. My kids are confused, and counseling would have saved our marriage. I can not talk to him... Is it true that love is blind. I keep telling him that this woman is not going to work out for him.To top it all off, the weekend that he doesn't want the kids,he is taking vacation with her

Answer 1

You posted a question a few months ago saying that you were bored with your dull marriage and that you didn't realise it would be so much hard work, so it seems that not only did you get married without realising the consequences of your decision but you then made the same mistake when you got divorced. Why did you wait until after the divorce before trying to work things out?

The bottom line is that you were not interested in a reconciliation until he got a girlfriend, sorry but his obligation to you ended the moment your divorce was finalised and you have no right to expect anything from him least of all compassion.

Answer 2

There should be some kind of law ENFORCEMENT that prohibits men with families and children from walking away from their wives and their families over little or nothing and dogging down with other females. The new "no fault" divorces have made marriage into a complete farce and of little social significance. Unfortunately, nothing you can do will stop him from his course of action. He has probably been seeing the other woman for longer than you may be aware.
Your ex husband sounds like a sex addict who lacks the ability to form intimate relationships with women. If he was married and had a child before he met you and now he is leaving you with 3 more for a third female, that is beginning to look like a pattern. He wants to have the best of all worlds as long as it feels good for himself. He could be in midlife crisis and/or has never really matured from the adolescent score keeper who loves them and leaves them.
The best course of action for you is to forget trying to make him love you because if he does not love you after 8 years and 3 offspring, it just is NOT happening. Cut your losses and get some legal help with child support, custody of your children and let the next victim of his game learn the truth on her own. Sorry that happened to you. Too bad for wife #3.
Love may be short sighted but only stupidity is blind. Best wishes to you.

Answer 3

You weren't working things out, he was using you. Until he met someone else. This guys a jerk. You have been betrayed. And stop blaming the woman. He was the one making you believe you were working things out. I'm sure your kids are confused. Counseling can only save a marriage if both partners are willing to work on the marriage. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. Don't let him. And don't keep trying to "fix" things for him. If it doesn't work out with this woman, and it probably won't, don't be there waiting for him. Don't be a door mat. Don't let him use you. And hold him to his visitation schedule. He owes it to the kids. If he wants a vacation with the new girl friend, he can schedule it when he isn't supposed to be seeing the kids. what an ***.

Answer 4

I'd enjoy the time you have there and spot the way it goes. You each love each and every other and perhaps you just needed time to both develop up. How does he treat your other child? If he can and does treat him good, then possibly he is making an attempt to assist you to comprehend that he desires to over again. I'm hoping you are not giving false hope in your son. I do not consider he is all in favour of an additional lady or he would now not invite you to spend time at the house. You could want to sit down and act like adults and see what's particularly going on. You might ask him why he desires you to stay there, perhaps he will assist you to comprehend his real feelings.

Answer 5

Stop talking to him it's only one way to get him back and that is to make him think you are dating other men if that doesn't work then I'm afraid you have lost him. If he thinks you are getting serious about someone he might start coming around more but you need to play it cool with him like you don't care what he does. It's hard to do but it does work at least it worked for me. My husband had a girlfriend to and when he thought i was seeing someone he came around alot. We are still together it's been 10 years when all that happened.

Answer 6

You've tried everything for this guy but nothing for yourself. Find yourself in his absence. There are so many things for people to enjoy however the distractions of relationships sometimes stunts are growths. Many of us fear being alone however, you can't be lonely due to your kids. Secondly, you need to understand that the world overwhelms us when we are waiting as spectators instead of participators. As hard as it may be, you will need to find you, the loving person, caring person, mother, and soon you will be part of a world instead of worlds apart. Time is the healer but belief in yourself is the catalyst. Remember a loss leaves room for a something new.

Answer 7

Well you said it, he met someone else. I know you want to get back together as family again but there's nothing you can do to try to get him back if he doesn't want to be back with you. Most likely he was just trying to get over you at the time and now he's moved on. I suggest you do the same.

Answer 8

Theres a book called" first aid for a wounded marriage",excellent book,this book saved me,when i was going thru what you are now! Let your husband alone,do not contact him, if he finally realizes he loves you,he'll be back,but if you pursue him,he'll run even futher from you! when all else fails (God doesnt) turn to Him! Pray.He will hear you,He is close to the broken-hearted!

Answer 9

if he is infatuated with her he won't listen to you. later, with time, he will figure it out whether he stays with her or not. and he will start seeing children again. i am sorry but there is nothing u can do about it. i had the same situtaion with my ex husband but i was in a place of your hubby - i met a man and my ex was trying to get me back. tried even using violence. nothing worked. i met a new man, fell in love with him and now we re married and still in love. so there is nothing u can do to get him back. his mind is elsewhere

Answer 10

You two were divorced. He didn't really have an obligation to you, sounds like you let yourself be played.

You shouldn't have gotten the kids' hopes up. You need to forget him and move on.