I used to answer people who had similiar questions with positive answers but yikes ...now I find I cant stand my very own in laws what to do its driving me up the wall, luckily my husband agrees with why im annoyed as he sees it to , we are expecting a baby in 3 months and m.i.l is just so obssessd its not funny like as if its her baby coming soon, she is so over bearing and smothering with my brother in laws 7 y.o and 7.5 month old baby that his wife actually never takes them to her house but she lives a stones throw away and walks to their house annoying them and uninvited..... wtf. she has already told me how to dress baby and he isnt even born yet!...omg im so so stressed im getting constant miagrains...what to do?
2007-11-11 16:37:00 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
oh they have a2 grand children already one is justy 7.5 months old so its not the fact of missing children to hug ...she SMOTHERS them like its going out of fashion!
2007-11-11 16:44:15 · update #1
hell no we do not live with them we'd rather commit suicide!
2007-11-12 16:00:56 · update #2
Most m.i.l think because they are married and have kids, that they know EVERYTHING and that everything they do is the right way.
Just say thanks to the advice and do what you want.
Its your baby, and she cant decide how he/she will be raised.
you dont live with her do you?
i lived with my m.i.l for a small while and it was horrible, she didnt ask she just did.
You need to be able to stand up to yourself and make it known now that it is early the way things are going to be done.
If she is to pushy with something..like the way you'll change his nappy (example!) ..just say " well i actually prefer doing it this way" ..if she says anything else like " thats wrong" ..just say "well baby seems comfortable"
I am not going to say that she will eventually get the point, because my son is 1.5 years old and my m.i.l still tries to be in charge.
you just got to know how to ignore it and not let it get to you.
Be firm in a nice polite way.
2007-11-11 16:46:11 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I can feel how aggravated you are! Dressing your baby? Oh no, see that would NEVER fly with me, lol. I'd be like "I don't think so! THAT looks AWFUL!" and be done with that part. Put your foot down NOW, or else what do you think your going to have once your baby is in the picture?? Get firm, and do it YESTERDAY. No, you shouldn't move away because of this, your just gonna have to stop being so nice with them and simply make it clear that your the one on the birth certificate dear. You can do this without coming off nasty and having a fall out, but your going to have to learn how to stand your ground too. YOU don't need this stress right now either, not good for you or your baby, so try to calm down and enjoy what you should be right now. Take care, and Congratulations!!
2007-11-12 00:58:55 · answer #2 · answered by Wutz it worth 2 ya? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, you are really in for some stress. You do need to set up some boundaries now, even before your baby is born. Make sure you talk to your husband and that he is on the same page and will be when it comes time to face the folks too.
You are going to have to have a serious talk with you MIL and it may not be pretty. I would not bring up how the siblings feel, keep them out of it if you can.
I would definitely tell her that you are the baby's mother and will be making the decisions concerning him with your husband, all of them, not only about how to dress him.
She is not going to take it well, but if she wants to be a positive part of your baby's life she will have to control herself.
I think you should start talking about it now. It is going to be really hard, you will probably be guilted and it sounds like she may be dramatic. I wish I had more to say, besides GOOD LUCK!
2007-11-12 00:47:55 · answer #3 · answered by Angie A 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like the m.i.l. is really excited about this baby. It could be worse, she could not care at all. I'm a grandma. I have two grown boys. I'm sure I drove my d.i.l.'s nuts too. I tried not to. But I'm sure I did. Here's the deal. It brings back all the memories of being a mom for the first time. Being pregnant, which is amazing, having the baby, the labor and delivery, all the dreams you have for your children. It also starts bringing up all the things that she felt like she did wrong. It's like being given the chance to start all over again with what you know now, instead of what you didn't know then. You learn a lot from raising children. You learn what you did right, and you learn what you did wrong. Grand kids are the opportunity to use all the things you screwed up with your own kids and make amends somehow. It's a very emotional time for a grandma. In a way, it IS like it's her baby coming soon. It's the closest thing she'll ever experience again. It's also a little sad, thinking that you aren't going to have any more of you own. I know it sounds weird, but believe me, I know what I'm talking about. When she tells you how to dress the baby, or gives unsolicited advice, I'm sure she thinks she's helping. The best thing to do is ignore it if you can. Try to find the positive side of what's going on. If she's REALLY being overbearing, you need to talk to her. Sit her down and VERY gently tell her that you're glad she's so excited, but that her enthusiam is a little hard to handle sometimes. Tell her that you're glad she's going to be the grandmother, that she did a great job with your husband. And you're grateful for how well she raised him. Tell her that she'll be able to spend time with the baby and see him as much as she wants and that you embrace that relationship. (Did you, or do you, have a very close relationship with any of your grandparents?) She's probably going to be upset and may even try to defend herself. Try to keep from getting too annoyed. Honestly, it's all part of the process. You'll learn how to accept her zealousness and she'll gradually start to settle down. And someday, you'll be a grandma too and you'll drive your d.i.l. nuts. I promise. The main thing is to be honest, but not hurtful. She's just really excited by the baby and probably also excited to be sharing in your special time. Grit your teeth and learn to handle it. She's going to be around for a while. Don't let this stress you out. You need to enjoy your pregnancy and the changes you're experiencing. Try to remember that she probably felt what you're feeling. Turn what looks like a negative into a way to enrich your relationship with her. Let her feel the baby move. Talk to her about what your husband was like when he was a baby. Ask her advice. You don't have to take it, but she'll feel accepted and needed. That way, you're controlling the situation. Besides, she might know something you don't that can help. At the very least, you'll be showing kindness and love. You can't go wrong there.
2007-11-12 00:57:37 · answer #4 · answered by lisagreen1119@sbcglobal.net 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Your husband needs to sit his mother down and have a little chat with her. He needs to tell her the plain truth, and ask her to stop. She needs to be made to realize that her actions are stressful, and therefore unhealthy for you (the mother) and therefore also for the baby. She is harming her grandchild.
She needs to be asked to keep her emotions under control, and if she cannot, she may need to be told at some point down the road that you are going to need some space from her. I say for your husband to do most of the talking because it is his mother, but you should be present, and you should back him up and say your peace also. Be patient with her, don't be accusative or rude, and give her time and chance to correct her behavior. Your goal is not to drive her away but to convince her she needs to mellow out.
My hat is off to your husband for supporting you on this. To often overbearing inlaws will divide the wife and the husband against each other. Good for him that he sees her behavior as it is.
2007-11-12 01:05:50 · answer #5 · answered by The Link 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
They are trying to be good grandparents. There do have to be some ground rules. If they step over the line you just need to tell them that you need some space. Tell her that you are glad she is there to give you advice but you really want to do things your way and figure them out for yourself. That is half of the fun. If she is annoying you that bad your husband needs to tell her that you do not need any stress and that you need your rest and you are not up for company. If they do not listen you are just going to have to be stern with them. Once you lay down the law do not waver in your decision. They will try to push and if they think you will waver they will push harder. Good luck with them and congratulations.
2007-11-12 00:49:44 · answer #6 · answered by kim h 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have you tried talking to your in laws and telling them how you feel? has your husband tried talking to them? If this has been done and still it is a bad situation then more aggressive verbal is needed. Tell them in no uncertain terms to MIND THEIR OWN F*****G BUSINESS! You are having a baby and DO NOT NEED THE EXTRA STRESS in what is supposed to be a VERY happy time for you and your husband. But above all your understanding Hubby needs to be the one to tell them to back off!
2007-11-12 00:48:05 · answer #7 · answered by compdude32@yahoo.com 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
well- i had a kinda of a thing like this but it was with my mom not in laws . she wanted to be there right in the middle of things and tell me what to do and how to raise my kids .
finally i got up the gumption - then let my mom have it her and i got in to a big fight i told her you raised your kids now let me raise mine you can give me advice along the way but this is my family not yours ,Said you know you raised me right so you should have faith in me and butt out , or i said i would move away so far she wouldn't see them , or if she wanted them her ill sign every thing over lol she didn't like that idea i told her she was the Grandma her job was to spoils then send them home )
any my mom backed off right away , but may not work for every one , some time have to be blunt with what you do so ppl get the point
2007-11-12 00:48:16 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ahhh, dont you just love the in laws. Just start giving hints that your getting annoyed and you have it under control. If it starts to get bad, then just avoid them. (I have to do that sometimes) They usually get the hint. Congrats on the baby!
2007-11-12 00:42:58 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
sit down with them and gently but FIRMLY explain that as the PARENTS, YOU will make the decisions about your child. Explain that you APPRECIATE their input and welcome the love they can provide for your future offspring, but that you need to not be overwhelmed by them. BE GENTLE, and you will not upset them.
2007-11-12 00:45:38 · answer #10 · answered by Mike 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋