She started talking to this man on myspace and then mom and I found out. We talked to the man, don't get me wrong he is very nice. Then my sister told us about them dating and mom grounded her off of the internet. Escpecially after we found notes saying how shes going to be 18 and legally allowed to leave in 5 months! HELP WE DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!! My sister has never had a relationship of any kind and thinks that she is in love with this man. We have tried talking to her but it won't do any good. She just thinks we are the mean family who won't give a man who's 5 years younger than our mom a chance!!
There is no evidence that I've seen of him talking about having sex or anything with her.
I also don't know anyone to date her, plus there's no one in school she is interested in.
She also knows his phone number, address (he only lives a state away), everything!! He knows ours too!
2007-11-11 16:27:08 · 7 answers · asked by Lynn 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Stop being your sister's mother and let your mom handle this! It's really none of your business nor should it be. There's nothing wrong with trying to talk to her as a younger sister but stay out of the fray. It's your mom who is responsible for her and not you! It's also not your responsibility to get or find her a date!
Any 37 year old male who is thinking of meeting a 17 year old girl cannot be right in the head. I don't care how "nice" he sounds...there is definitely something wrong here. Tell your mom to lock up the computer and change everything so she cannot get online. She may just go to him if this is done so mom had better be careful.
2007-11-11 17:09:11 · answer #1 · answered by Chris B 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Should you be concerned? Yes. The man isn't only over twice her age, but he's talking to a minor. No matter how 'nice' this man is, you can't have a lasting, meaningful relationship with someone that much older than you.
Because they won't have been raised in the same world. Your sister will have grown up with britney spears, and he'll have grown up with..disco balls. The man should definetly know this, and so his intentions are cannot be pure.
Tell her that computers weren't even invented when he was her age.
On the other hand, you guys handled it the wrong way. The WORST way possible. The best thing for you to have done would be to be open and honest with her. You shouldn't have punished her for finding someone she likes. Yes, you should be concerned that she found the wrong guy, but she's not doing anything other than looking for someone she can be comfortable with, and at 17 she's only in the most REBELLIOUS STAGE IN HER LIFE.
You need her to trust you. You need her to trust you more than she trusts a thirty-seven year old man off the internet. And, without knowing anything about you, your family, or your sister I can tell you that something is wrong there.
Maybe it's with your family, or maybe just with her. But, if you really care about her you need to stop punishing her and start listening to her. Find out why she isn't dating boys in her class -- you probably already know the answer to this.
Maybe she needs someone to be there for her. If that is the case, give her your love and attention and she'll lose interest in the thirty-seven year old man she can't see or touch.
And if she's just really damn horny, maybe you should help her figure out how to meet and date some normal guys nearby. Give her some tips, and put her in a non-threatening environment where she can meet some people her age. (School? Singing Lessons? Dance? A Computer Class even?)
Once again,
The problem is trust. She has to trust you. Beating someone up (punishment) does not build trust.
And you need to find out why she wants to be with that 37 year old.
As a final tip, a good way to build trust in someone is to show them you trust them. If you just sit down next to her and say, "okay tell me everything" she'll probably tell you to get lost...especially if things are as bad as you make them sound.
Instead, sit down and tell her your problems. Sit down and tell her stuff in your life. Ask her for her advice. Tell her about the things in your life so she knows who YOU are. Remind her of the things you guys used to do. Remind her of her childhood. Remind her of all the good times that you know about...then ask her to tell you things. Little things at first, and then bigger things.
Ask her about her favourite color. Ask her what her favourite course is. Ask her what she wants to be when she grows up. Give her girl talk. Give her advice. Trust her.
Because, only a fool would trust someone that clearly doesn't trust them.
Try that, then post another question..
2007-11-12 00:44:41 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
the fbi talked at my kids school about internet predators using hs myspace pages as examples. This man could appear nice but mean her serious harm. They suggested the very best thing is to go to the police. They will many times assume the girl's (or boys if its a guy) identity and continue contact with the guy so they can catch him.
I'd suspect that it is not innocent.
2007-11-12 01:00:33 · answer #3 · answered by Iknowthis! 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd say , take her on a trip, somewhere, vegas or southbeach are great choices for someone young to realize that its not good to settle down. AND while she's away, try to sneak her password user identity and talk to this guy yourself, try giving him hints that you had a sex change and that your really a guy, if he accepts you that way. That your just confused. that'll make him run, and mean while she's got her mind off things. a week or two. that should be enough time to have the fire put out.
2007-11-12 00:33:21 · answer #4 · answered by JayP 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
That guy needs to have a talk with Chris Hansen from "to catch a predator"
2007-11-12 01:52:04 · answer #5 · answered by justjohn025 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
advise the police and tell your parents to get a restraining order on him. She's still a minor. do something about it before something bad happens.
2007-11-12 00:35:53 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
call the police right away...they will help you to make the right moves...goodluck and may God bless your family...
2007-11-12 01:00:45 · answer #7 · answered by hotmommadru 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋