i have this dorm roommate which i can't stand. she's from a romanian orphanage, which is why she has all the issues she has. lately i have been getting fed up with everything that she's been doing; she's delusional, and i'm wondering if anything i tell her even sinks in to her....i've been pretty passive aggressive with her as well. in my background i've experienced much mistreatment and hurt from other a good majority of my life, and to this day i have strong feelings of letting people get over on me. so when my rm pisses me off, which has been excessive lately, it just really gets to me. is this normal? trying to explain how she is could take pages....she's got a hearing problem so she talks VERY loud, she's nagging, nosy, delusional, messy, whiny, hard-headed and so much more. is it normal for me to just want to do everything to retaliate against her? because talking to her does not seem to work.
2007-11-11 16:25:58 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Nothing is wrong with you dear, except that you are a bit over-sensitive about those who are around you.
I too have had to put up with a very similar room mate, while in college. The only difference was that he was not deaf !
...Losing your cool, and retaliating to every move of hers, will in no way solve your problem - but will only make them worse.
...If possible, you can request that you be shifted to another room. If that is not possible (as it was in my case as well !), the best and most practical move for you is to completely IGNORE her - and go about your routines, just as if she didn't exist at all !
I know that this is a lot easier said than done : But, believe me, it worked very well in my case.
For the first few days, it will be really problematic. She will try to force her company on you, and next try to pick up a fight with you. It will take all of your patience, plus presence of mind to remain silent, and ignore her tantrums - but even she will realise after a while, that all her words are falling on even more deaf ears than hers !
Then she will either totally back-out, as she has found out by now that you really mean business. Or she will at least try to change her ways for the better - in the hope of renewing her communications with you again.
...The final decision, as to whether or not to forgive and forget and become friendly, will of course have to be all yours ! (In my case, I relented after two full months !)
:-))
Best of luck, dear.
2007-11-11 16:52:13 · answer #1 · answered by Indychen 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
College is the time to learn about other people and expand our experiences. You benefit by practicing acceptance and tolerance, even though you might not enjoy it. You really don't have to like her; the question is, can you put up with her?
You can't change her.
What can you change? Change your situation. Go to your housing administration and tell them you need a new room-mate because the situation is intolerable. You might have to move to another dorm. But that's better than being constantly frustrated and irritated.
2007-11-11 16:39:33 · answer #2 · answered by glworden 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is normal but it seems like you are going a lil too over board. I think you need to calm down a little bit. Don't let things get to you. Just do your thing and let her do her own thing. When she gets you mad just ignore her and let it go. Besides if you let things get to you it will make yourself more angry even more. Don't waste time on her and enjoy your college days. Just ignore everything she does. Tell her to stop nagging so much and you are tired of it.
2007-11-11 16:37:28 · answer #3 · answered by LC 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a difficult one. I think it is normal behaviour to want to retaliate as it seems to be the only way to get your frustrations out. But its not healthy. I honestly think you have to change roomie. Best of luck and try not to obsess if this is 24hr all consuming then find something happy to do and def talk it over with someone.
2007-11-11 16:36:28 · answer #4 · answered by Sharon c 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to see about getting another room mate because her problems and yours are in conflict. You need to raise your own self esteem because of the things which happened to you in your past and perhaps what she does may not both you as much. I will give you a good site for that. It is good that you are in college now and trying to improve yourself - the self esteem site may help - but you should also rent the movie homeless to Harvard and that may motivate you as well.
If you talk to a counselor they may be able to get you a new room mate and it may do you a bit of good to talk to someone as well. Remember that you are where you are because those who mistreated and hurt you in the past were not able to break you or you wouldn't be where you are now but counseling may make it easier for you to continue and make your life happier. Good Luck to you!!
2007-11-11 16:51:34 · answer #5 · answered by Al B 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your feelings sound very normal. How long have you had this roommate? Is it possible to change roommates - all of your talking will not likely change any of her behaviors.
2007-11-11 16:36:39 · answer #6 · answered by keith s 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes this is very normal, don't complain about such trivial things, stay off drugs, don't skip class, and most importantly stay of drugs!
2007-11-11 16:34:20 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
that is annoying! you sjould see if you can get another room!
2007-11-11 16:34:23 · answer #8 · answered by shaeLove 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋