About 6 months ago my husband and I almost broke up due to his possesiveness (didn't like me to have friends and go anywhere by myself) and his verbal abuse, I was very much in love with him but his behavior (which almost drove me to a nervous breakdown) seems to have killed the love I had for him.
Because we had a 2 year old daughter I decided to give him a chance to make it better, we went and saw a councillor and alot of things have really improved.
But my problem now is that I find myself very attacted to a mutual friend of ours who is also unhappy in his marriage and he too has a young daughter.
The situation is driving me crazy I try to stay away from him but I can't stop thinking about him and it is really affecting my being able to be intimate with my husband because I no longer find him attractive.
I don't want to be cause of breaking up two families but I am so unhappy. I just don't know what to do.
2007-11-11 16:07:55 · 15 answers · asked by Thula1979 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It seems likely that you are attracted to this guy because the two of you have a lot in common. Sharing that kind of situation with someone can really bring two people together!
However, you say yourself this is just a 'crush', and it probably is. After all, what sort of future could you and this guy have together with the load of guilt and pain infidelity would bring?
Your comment that your hubby went with you to counselling is really hopeful ~ it does show that HE wants to make your relationship work as much as you do (which is not always the case).
Maybe it's time for a 'top up' session with the counsellor? You could even go on your own if you don't want to talk about this in a joint session with your husband.
Please give your husband, and yourself, the chance to do what you aimed to ~ make your relationship work.
If you look back in a few years and decide the effort has not succeeded, that is one thing. You can at least hold your head high that you did your best and tried your hardest.
But infidelity and dishonesty will kill any chance you have of a happy, loving marriage.
Good luck and best wishes :-)
2007-11-11 17:08:50 · answer #1 · answered by thing55000 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been through a relationship where my boyfriend was like that. A prince in the beginning right, a year later...
He would even check out store receipts to see what time I left the store and how long it took me to get back to the house. If it was even a couple minutes longer than he thought it should be there was a problem.
Those were his issues. His last girlfriend cheated on him.
That being said. He is trying to hide you away and that is one of the early signs of escalating abuse. If things are better and you are being treated well. Maybe the grass is just greener.
However, if things at home are not really better. Leave him before it gets worse.
Many people try to stay because of the kids, but consider how he will treat her later on.
You should worry more about you getting out of this relationship before you start jumping into another one.
Either way, let your crush go. Stay away from him, if you think you cannot control yourself.
2007-11-11 16:27:42 · answer #2 · answered by Angie A 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Thats a tough situation. Dont you want to follow your heart? But sometimes thats just not the right things to do. Try and put everything into your marriage and give it your all, if it still doesnt work, then move on. But dont go to the friend. Remember hes married. If hes unhappy let him make the choice to be in the marriage or not. If he becomes single then hey hes fair game. But for now, let it go. Work on your marriage, you have put so much time and effort into it anyway. Think about how his wife would feel.
2007-11-11 16:20:12 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Get help Seeing that things are not going well this will happen.
AS you said you would mess up two family's and do not know if the new one would work. Most likely it would not. You have to look deep in to your marriage and see if it can be fixed But this will take a lot of work. Wall back in love is hard to do. Remember that what you may be leaving is what is out there.
2007-11-11 16:19:15 · answer #4 · answered by tadm 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know that having a crush on someone is threatening to your marriage. So why continue to think about how unhappy you are without this new 'squeeze'? You are blaming your husband's behavior and saying it killed the love you felt but you know he's your husband and you have a child together. Repair that relationship, build strength into that marriage - stop looking elsewhere. You know it's wrong.
2007-11-11 16:28:58 · answer #5 · answered by kathyw 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think based on what you've been through with your husband, it's very normal to have a crush on someone else. You probably see this man being the man that your husband isn't, and it's so attractive! Especially since it's unattainable because you're both in relationships with other people.
Just use him for a fantasy. Don't try to deny the crush to yourself. (Oh, but to your husband, you'd better!) Because if you just deny yourself that ability to have a crush, it will only make him more unattainable and therefore more of a forbidden fruit that you can't live without!
2007-11-11 16:14:28 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all- kudos to you for realizing this IS just a crush.
Yes, it's enough to drive you crazy but it WILL pass- just like they did when you were in middle school.
Since it's bothering you to the point that it's affecting your marriage you may want to consider more counseling. And certainly steering clear of the object of your crush for a while will help too.
2007-11-11 16:12:54 · answer #7 · answered by looneybin90 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You mean like a weigh down on a co-worker or a movie star weigh down? movie star crushes, of course. yet somebody which you're in touch with...uh-uh. No way. that's this manner of undesirable theory. the subsequent element you be attentive to you would be asking if it rather is okay to bypass out to dinner with this guy or woman in case you're actually not calling it a "date". only think of approximately in the adventure that your significant other had a weigh down. does not that only injury your heart?
2016-09-29 01:35:00 · answer #8 · answered by maduro 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
#1. abuse is NEVER tolerated. what he did was abuse you.
#2. NEVER cheat on someone.
#3. if this is a crush, leave it alone. stay away from the guy.
#4. if it isn't a crush, get a divorce before becoming involved with anyone.
personally, the husband would have been kicked out BEFORE....
2007-11-11 16:16:06 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh my, another woman who marrys then complains shes not happy after the newness of the relationship starts to fade! This is a sign that maybe you shouldnt be in a relationship at all till ya grow up a little, I see women like you all the time, after the partys over and you realize that your life is just simple you want a little excitment so you turn to another man, come on lady, grow up! You married him and had a child together so now stick it out! Marriage isnt a game, its a serious major commitment. Stop bringing drama into your life and you wont be driving yourself crazy! I think maybe you like it, and I think that you already know that your not gonna stay with your husband, and you know what? you are gonna screw up your childs life, you are not only bringing drama and disfunction into your life, your bringing into your daughters, grow up and be a mother and a wife to your husband!
2007-11-11 16:26:48 · answer #10 · answered by penelope 5 · 0⤊ 3⤋