I married a girl who weighed 115 pounds. A year later 145, and now 180.?

Question

Obviously, I am no longer attracted to her and I can not fake it, even with porn. Why doesn't she understand that being 115 was part of the package and it wasn't alright to let herself go? (All guys think this way...they just won't admit it for fear of being disliked)
Please,no ChubbyChaser responses.

Answer 1

girls feel that just because their married they can let themselves go. thanks for actually having the balls to call them out on it

Answer 2

Being 115 may have been part of the package, but it wasn't the real reason you married her. If there is no emotional connection to her other than looks, than you are a jerk. But what happened that she put on so much weight? I would more worried about her health than her appearance. Is stress casuing her to overeat? Was she too thin and malnutritioned to begin with? Is there something physically that is causing her to gain weight, rather rapidly at that?

Encourage her to eat healthier and exercise, but do ti with her. It shouldn't be about losing weight, but about living a healthier lifestyle and it is something you can do together. Take walks in the evening, find a fun physical hobby.

But try and reconnect with her on an emotional level. Do something special for her, take her to a concert or something of a band you both enjoy or go back to the common interests you had when you first started dating. That may rekindle the physical attraction. But if you only liked her because of her hot little body, then you have a sad, shallow life ahead of you.

Answer 3

Tell her you're concerned about her health (of course you are!!). There are a lot of medical reasons she may have had such a substantial weight gain - thyroid is a big one. Is she on a medication that has this as a side effect - if so, the medication can be changed by her physician. Sometimes certain birth control pills can do this. Tell her you're very worried about her and insist she go in and have some lab tests done to rule out physical problems. Tell her you want her to be around for a long time and she won't be able to if she's not healthy. If you really do this "You don't look good to me" thing, it will probably backfire on you - and what a waste of a relationship if it really was something medical that she could get help with.

Answer 4

While I don't agree with you that "being 115 was part of the deal", I do agree that she should try to maintain a healthy weight and attractive appearance. Try shopping for healthy foods and then suggest you go jogging or to the gym together. If all else fails, you can sit her down and tell her that you are starting to feel less attracted to her because of the weight. Obviously, she can't lose it overnight, but she should know that it is a problem. Don't worry so much about what her specific weight it. Just try to encourage her to get fit, and for God's sake, stay away from the porn. It will only make the situation worse.

Answer 5

Help your wife around the house, free up some time so she can go to the gym. Tell her that you and she can do Weight Watchers together. Then do that. She will lose the weight. You will be healthier.
By the time you get to your 40th high school reunion, you'll be tubby and bald yourself and no prize in the looks department. With the attitude you're displaying now, you will have been divorced (maybe even more than once) by then too.
So be a contributor to her happiness, not her greatest critic. She'll probably be even more in love with you for that.

Answer 6

How absolutely shallow. If you think that was part of the package and that it would never change, then your head must reside deep within your rectum. Grow up. Marriage is a responsibility, not a game. People change. Over time many women tend to change shape, grow old, get wrinkles, grow body hair, and begin to sag. This is a fact of life... and you will do these things too. If you married her only for her looks, expecting them to stay intact, then you have set yourself up for dissapointment and can blame no one but yourself. It is change that is part of the package.

Be a man and love your wife for who she is. If you cannot do that then you are still a child, and not worthy to be called a man. You made vows to her, now this is your responsibility to her. If you are a man, you will live up to them. If you are not attracted to her, it has nothing to do with her appearance, it is because of your own attitude, your heart. You need a change in attitude and heart. It starts with admitting it to yourself, and admitting you have a problem.

2000 years ago there was Someone who loved you, even though He saw the bitterness, shallowness, and selfishness in your heart, things that are very very unattractive to Him. He loved you enough to lay down His life for you in a very grusome death. His name is Jesus the Christ. Follow His example and love your wife. Perhaps by being loving and supportive of her you may even be able to help her loose some of that weight. After all, 180 lbs isn't exactly the healthiest weight for most body types, but you should help her for her sake, not out of your selfish desire. Do this, let yourself be changed, and you may very well have a happy marriage with your wife, and find yourself very attracted to her.

If you are a man, act like one.

Answer 7

It's not reasonable to expect her to stay 115 forever, but it's also not fair to you that she's ballooning. Most people take a decade or more to gain that much weight. Are you sure she's not depressed about something, or experiencing a thyroid problem?

If it's none of those things, I would use the health angle. Try to get her to understand how unhealthy her lifestyle is and find a cardio related activity that you both enjoy. That way she might be more inclined to stick with it. But you've probably already tried that? Ultimately it's her life and if she's not going to change, it may be time to move on. If you don't have any kids, then don't let her get pregnant, or you'll feel obligated to stay and you'll both be miserable, with kids in tow.

Whatever you do, do it fast!

Answer 8

I would say "shame on you", but obviously you're too shallow to understand. I think you should divorce her immediately. That way she can find someone who loves her for who she is. Not the body she's packaged in. By the way, all guys don't feel that way. When I married my husband I weighed 120 lbs. I went through a really rough time and had some major medical problems. I ended up about 245 lbs. Then I lost it all, when the doctors finally discovered what the issue was. Through it all, my husband was right there at my side. He was wonderful and supportive, and he's a competitive body builder. I knew I was fortunate to be with him, but now I know how fortunate. Good luck to your wife.

Answer 9

If you only wanted a girl who was thin, then you should have indicated that before you married her. If you're unwilling to deal with her at her current weight, then when did the shift come?

For example, when she weighed 120, was that still "overweight" in your eyes? How about when she was 145? What was your limit exactly?

Besides, you have to realize that guys' tastes are al different. You mentioned Chubby Chasers. They're going to think she's UNDERweight! :-) I know it's strange to you because you have your own preferences.

I'd like to understand how guys like you think. I married my husband when he weighed much less than he does now, and it doesn't matter to me. He's stayed married to me from my weight now and when I weighed almost 100 pounds more. It's the person you marry, not the body. If you don't understand that, then maybe you just need not to be married.

Answer 10

I don't know what's up with all the horrible comments. There is absolutely no need for those. I'm a woman, but I still understand where you're going, and I'm not offended.
But have you been making an effort to keep the same appearance that you had when she first met you? Don't make it a double-standard.
Also, I don't know your age or hers, but if you married her in her late teens/early twenties, this is a normal occurence. Women's shapes continue to change until about age 25.
However, that's no excuse for gaining about 65 pounds.
It's not okay to come out and say it. That will only make problems worse. But encouragement is okay. A friend of mine gained a lot of weight, and her boyfriend said something to her such as, "Remember that dress you wore on our third date? I really love you in that; you looked stunning." This was a compliment, and something that made her want to wear it for him again. However, she came to me and we talked about her losing weight to fit into it again. While no one had mentioned she had gained weight, she figured it out by herself.
Porn is going to make things worse. Don't stress her to the point of overeating. Some women are offended by porn, and while they immediately think that their partner is not attracted to them anymore, it normally gives the opposite reaction than the one you're looking for.
Maybe you should consider working out together or eating healthier at home. Not only would this help her shed some pounds, it might also help you bond more.
While it is SLIGHTLY upsetting that you're so disappointed with her after being married, this isn't the most compromising situation in the world.
Check out the book, "For Men Only" by Jeff and Shaunti Feldhahn. It gives more insight into a woman's world. Also, it would definitely be good to slip her "For Women Only" by Shaunti Feldhahn. It's very helpful when it comes to things like that. There's actually a chapter called, "The Truth About the Way You Look." I love this book, it was very straight-forward and completely unoffensive. If you changing your habits, helping and encouragement doesn't help her, this book probably will.

Answer 11

I think it's really sad for your wife that you fell in love with the body and not the person. My husband gained 50 lbs from when we married, but I still love him. I gained 50 lbs from what I was when we married and you know what? Our sex life is better now then it's ever been.

Yeah, you're being human to admit that you don't find her attractive, but I think it's rather shallow that that's ALL you're focusing on. When a woman gains that much weight, there's more to it than "she let herself go". A lot more. And chances are, you're part of the problem.