he wants to talk about the miscarriage in counseling?

Question

he's in counseling before it ever happened. its MY body and i DONT want him talking about it to anyone but me. Its no one elses business. I refuse to pay someone to talk about my body.

he's been going to a counselor for other problems prior to the miscarriage.

Answer 1

i think thats a little selfish.

you're not the only one hurting. your body, yes ..... but there was another body .... and 1/2 of that body was HIS.

Answer 2

He should be able to talk about the miscarriage in counseling. I see nothing wrong with it. You have to remember that the man feels a sense of lose when a miscarriage happens. He may not want you to know of his disappointment for fear that it will make it worse for you. I have been through 3 miscarriages, and my husband once said to me that it is very hard for a man, he has to deal with the loss of a baby along with the woman's emotions. I unfortunately think that men get there feelings get pushed in a corner, because all of the focus is put on the woman's feelings. He may just be hurting more than you know.

Answer 3

Do you understand the concept of compound grief? Well losing a child tops the list of causes for compound grief. This grief is felt not only by the mother but also by the father. While I know you feel sensitive about he may be saying, I can assure you that he is probably dealing with some emotions that you never even thought about. We as women want to be so self-oriented when it comes to grief of a miscarriage and oft times the men and their feelings get ignored.

I applaud him for dealing with his compound grief and I suggest you do the same because you might find out something as simple as this post is a manifestation of compound grief.

I do want to tell you in time your heart will heal. You are entitled to your emotions and I suggest you allow yourself time to grieve. Just don't let this experience change the person you are. I wish you all the best in dealing and if you need a friend I have been there and I know it helps to get it out.

Answer 4

Who is "he"? And why would anyone go to counseling before a miscarriage even happened? Dont understand.

Yes he has every right to talk about it, he has feelings too.
My son passed away last year I was 26 weeks when I had him, and I WISH my husband had gone to a counselor to deal with his grief, I rather him go to a counselor than what he did, he didnt talk about my son's death AT ALL. He deal with that pain alone. I hated that because I felt alone through all this. What would you rather have a husband that dealt with the pain alone and never did anything about it, didnt even talk to you about it, or would you rather have a husband who was doing something like your husband is, like going to a counselor seeking advice on how to deal with his problems and grief? I understand how you feel, angry and you dont want anyone knowing about your problems, this is what happens to a woman when she looses a baby. ITs the worse pain ever!!!! Try understanding your hubby and maybe he can help you deal with how you are feeling right now, good luck.

Answer 5

its apparent he had problems before the miscarriage thats why he was going to counseling, the miscarriage may have happened to you but he is still impacted by it. I am assuming the baby was also his maybe he feels like hes lost a part of himself by losing the baby and his counsler is the only person he feels he can talk to about it in depth.

Answer 6

Sunset, I know this must've been a painful experience. If it helps, he's not talking about your body, he's talking about his feelings. His feelings have some connection to your body, yes, especially in this instance, but they are his to handle as he sees fit.

Talking to a counselor is actually good. What if he needed to process his pain by talking about it with people who weren't discreet, or professional, and had no confidentiality agreement in place? He was going to be a father. A miscarriage is more than a physical experience; as an emotional experience it belongs to both parents. I doubt very much he's going to be getting into bodily details, unless he talks about being afraid for your life, which he might have been also.

I'm very sorry for your loss. Please know that by talking about it he's trying to heal, and that's a good thing for both of you.

Answer 7

This is a difficult situation. He's going to have feelings about it no matter what is happening with you, he deserves to try and work those out. I would look inside yourself and see your own reaction to it - do you have some healing that you need to do? Are you still feeling sad about it, still feeling grief? There are some amazing books out there about healing childbearing losses - one is called Ended Beginnings, by Claudia Panuthos. you both are going to need to work through what happened in different ways. Just try to accept eachother. At least in counselling he is talking with someone who will keep things confidential. Far better than talking about it with, say, a male friend, or his mom or something.

Answer 8

Not only do you have feelings about the miscarriage but this "he" also has feelings about the miscarriage. Give him a chance to talk about it. He wants to get his feelings out and hear his counselors opinion. Men may not like showing there emotions but obviously he wants to talk to someone about it.

Answer 9

you need to remember that it was his baby to ( im assuming)

when i had a miscarriage it was the FIRST time i ever saw my hubby cry and we have been together for 4 years,he had alot of trouble accepting it and realising that there was no one to blame for it.i wish that he had got counselling because I was trying to move on from it and he kept going on about it and i got really sick of talking about it.

just leave him be its not as if the counseller can talk to anyone else about it and if its helping him then it really is a good thing

Answer 10

Sounds like someone is engaging in wishful thinking. Miscarriages endanger both mother and unborn child. Get some counseling--alone.

Answer 11

I'm guessing you are talking about your husband/partner. You need to remember that the child was not only yours but his also. He is upset just like you and is suffering grief also. He obviously needs and wants to talk to someone about his emotions/feelings on the situation so don't try and stop him. What he tells his counselor/therapist is confidential so it's not like it will get out to anyone else.