My husband told me a week ago that he is not in love with me anymore. We have been together for 9 years and we have two very young children. In your opinion can he fall back in love with me or am I waisting my time trying? I still love him very much I just dont want to be drug along just because we have kids together.....
2007-11-11 14:50:20 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Pinky;
Love is not the goo goo feelings that you have as a child. Love is commitment. Do you fall out of love with the children?
You are absolutely not wasting your time. The children are the most important people in your lives right now. If you get divorced you send the message that personal gratification is OK. Even if you don't instigate it, by letting it happen you are teaching your children as well.
Fight and do everything in your power to stop the divorce. Your husband has not yet matured, by your statements. Give him some of those goo goo feelings back. For men, generally, this invlolves sex. Wear something frilly, or dare I say it, thrilling.
If it is an emotional divide, ask him what you can do to be more emotionally supportive.
If all else fails, there are plenty of studies on the net that show that children fare better in intact homes than children of divorce. Don't beat him over the head with it. Make casual comments. Men tend to think more logically than emotionally. I am sure he loves the children and reason will prevail.
Please feel free to contact me personally, or ask your husband to do so. My profile is public and I will be glad to counsel with you both. I am a child of divorce. I can tell him things that will make him fear for his childrens life so much that divorce will be the last thing on his mind.
Try not to be threatening if you should decide to present some of the information from the links below. If he is prideful, this will only encourage attitudes that will cultivate divorce.
Studies show that equal time with both parents will make a child more likely to grow up emotionally well adjusted and healthy, and more likely to perform better in school and life.
God Bless
Frank Pytel
Side Note: Various Google searches including the quotes.
“Child Custody” : 1,800,000 hits
“Child Custody” -Lawyer : 1,680,000 hits
“Child Custody” -Lawyer -Attorney : 1,460,000 hits
“Child Custody” -Lawyer -Attorney -Judge : 1,260,000 hits
“Child Custody” -Lawyer -Attorney -Judge -Litem : 1,250,000 hits
“Child Custody” -Lawyer -Attorney -Judge -Litem -Law : 587,000 hits
“Shared Child Custody” : 1,270 hits
“Joint Child Custody” : 790 hits
http://www.true-equality.org/
http://www.deltabravo.net/
http://www.fapt.org/index.php?option=com_frontpage&Itemid=1
http://www.f4j.com/
http://groups.yahoo.com/search?query=shared+child+custody
http://360.yahoo.com/my_profile-O8EcRbkhYrI8Y76FID5PBDX6;_ylt=Av95cKrS2heIv727lcF0FuikAOJ3
2007-11-11 22:35:21 · answer #1 · answered by Frank Pytel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you should not get a divorce! He can fall back in love with you. Don't give up on your marriage. Work on the marriage and make sure he doesn't have a tramp on the side. Years 9-12 on marriages can be rough but if you can just get over that rough time; you will have a good future for your marriage and family. In general kids do better and are more secure when their parents are together.
2007-11-12 00:06:57 · answer #2 · answered by Tgirl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
crasher is assuming that you are the problem. Being fun and sexy are always a good idea, but open communication is a must. What changed? Is he bored? Are you bored? You may be able to make it work, but not if he doesn't want it to. Be straight up and Say "Do you want a divorce? I don't, so if you want to split us up, go ahead, and you can explain it to the kids in 5 years when they ask why you left. I would rather talk about what is bothering you first though!"
2007-11-11 23:01:18 · answer #3 · answered by Dan 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you should be the one seeking a divorce. I would ask him, since he says that he is not in love with you any longer, what his plans are. I would tell him that you love him very much, and that you need him to be honest with you about his feelings on continuing the marriage. I really feel for the children because they will be the innocent victims if this marriage fails. God bless you!!!
2007-11-11 23:03:14 · answer #4 · answered by Virginia B (John 16:33) 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
One of the first things I told my husband was 1. don't ever cheat on me or I'll rake you over the coals......
and 2. if you fall out of love with me, TELL ME!!!
Talk to him. Ask him why? Does he even know! You do not just wake up one morning and say to yourself, hmmmm, taday is the day I no longer love my spouse. It doesn't happen that way. What lead up to it is way more important.
If talking doesn't help, offer to go to therapy. Yes I know it could be costly, but what is the price on your marriage?
If in the end it still does not work out....it is lke what my mom told me when I was madly in love with a boy in school and he had no clue....
"Why waste your time loving someone who doesn't love you back." The hardest part of loving someone can be letting go of that love.
2007-11-11 23:07:50 · answer #5 · answered by Jojo 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If your husbands not in love with you you should sit back and ask yourself what have I been doing? Or if thats not the case just talk to him and cummicate ask him what's changed his mind and what makes him feel that way? I've been through same thing sort of, but you know guys they say they dont love u anymore when your fighting but then makes up to you later...
2007-11-11 23:06:48 · answer #6 · answered by [*Chrissy*] 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Suggest counseling. For him and/or for both of you. Some men, they like their kids but they find they don't like being married once kids come along. (I was an insurance agent and I saw a lot of marriages break up once kids came along.)
Fall back in love? It could be possible but it could also be that he has someone else or someone else in mind. So I would say no.
2007-11-11 23:01:42 · answer #7 · answered by Like being a DINK 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You should always work on what you have..
He's probably getting bored, and thinks you spend more time on the kids than him( which you do...)
If you want it to work, you need some spark..
I suggest leaving the kids with gramma, and going at least 100 miles away to a b&b somewhere..
Leave the cell phones and the night gown at home....
2007-11-11 22:57:48 · answer #8 · answered by Sophie B 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
no! don't get a divorce. otherwise you will just be another point in the statistics of failed marriages. people give up way too easily these days. remind him of the promises you made to each other when you got married and of the feeling he had when he was looking forward to spending HIS ENTIRE LIFE with you.
2007-11-11 23:03:34 · answer #9 · answered by dini_natini 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
talk to him more about what he is thinking , did he say that meaning divorce??
2007-11-11 22:55:33 · answer #10 · answered by homesick33 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋