I miss intimacy and friendship!?

Question

I don't mean sex! I am a 52 year old single female who left a 30 year marriage. I iss having someone to just talk to or sit and watch a movie with. Guys are either looking only for sex (which I am not) or their "soul mate" which I am not either. I just want a guy friend who's not attached to hang around with. Is that asking to much? I have looked inot the gay friend-but they are usually attached and their partner is jealous. Are there older single men out there who would have a platonic relationship with someone? How do you find them?

Connie and Isotope-You are so exactly where I am coming from! I chose to leave my marriage-am in college full time-single female friends are too whiney about ex's Married female friends too busy. My children are nearby, but that's not the same. No interest in ever marrying again-and like stated, my attractive years are WAY behind me and I am not going to support or care for some guy just to have companionship. Thanks

Answer 1

I wish you luck with that...

From a male perspective... we are programmed to enjoy sex. You are wrong to say that we only want sex, but if you take it out of the equation, why would we stick around?

Personally, I have many long-term friends who enjoy many of the same activities I do. You can come and join us, but if you want one-on-one time you have to bring something new to the table. Sorry to be cold... but think about it for a minute.

To address some of the other posts about men wanting women to cook for them and clean up... Some of us are pretty good cooks. I did most of the cooking and much of the housework when I was married, now I do all of it... plus the yard work and home repairs. That's all covered.

So what's my point? I guess I'm trying to say that any man you might find reasonably interesting most likely has enough platonic friendships, and not much trouble finding something more exciting.

Again, I wish you luck.

peace

.

Answer 2

You may not be asking for "too much", but what you describe is a tall order-no matter what age or situation is involved. Developing a sense of intimacy takes time, and spending the time to develop intimacy and friendship while avoiding physical affection and exlusivity (finding a soulmate) seems like a huge challenge to me. I don't think it's impossible, just rare.

The only relationships like you describe that I've seen work are between people who are colleagues in some way; they've shared some type of common interest. They've studied together, worked together, developed programs together, taught together, did paid or volunteer work together, shared a hobby, etc. They didn't start out watching movies or hanging out....that came long after they got to know each other while concentrating on some other activity.

I hope you'll enjoy your independence and your college studies. Keep doing things that you like to do. Give yourself some time, it's just not easy to make all the changes you've made without feeling a bit lonely. There are men around who enjoy intelligent, independent women. My only hestitation in posting an answer to you is that I never say never.....I think there is a difference between not seeking sexual intimacy or a lifelong commitment and ruling those things out absolutely.

Answer 3

Why don't you look for female companionship? It looks as if there are other women looking for the same thing as you are and are having trouble finding it. I don't mean a lesbian relationship... you said you're not interested in sex... .just a woman or two who are, like you, looking for someone to share a meal out, a movie, someone to spend time with. Even share a home maybe. That way, there would be someone there all the time. When I was a child, I remember two widow ladies who lived together until they died. They went to my church and did everything together. If companionship is what you're looking for, this might be the answer.

Answer 4

I am 42 yrs old go to college at night and work in home improvement so I meet alot of older ladies and find thier company quite fullfilling the are intellegent, know what they want and have been through all the family stuff ,Raising kids etc
I find it nice to talk to a woman that is not my wife mother or sister and who is not on the prowl
it allows you to see them for who they are which at this point in my life I had not really done before
it is truly a breathe of fresh air
I actually find them more attractive than younger women I meet, although I haven't had the courage to ask one to coffee yet I am afraid they would get the wrong idea
I am sure there is some one who would like to hang out with you ,I know I would
trip to the museum
lite lunch
coffe and conversation
plutonic can be nice takes away alot of pressure and opens doors
good luck

Answer 5

I miss that too, when my friend and I broke up I thought it was for the best and thought "thank God the fighting and arguing are over -"

But I miss him a lot, we had some really good times, the problems were caused by external factors, other people, like my kids - most of them wouldnt be a factor anymore.

I am just walking away from my kids, even more than I have done in the past -- its MY life now, what I do I will do for ME - something I should have done a long time ago and maybe we would still be together.

I feel a huge lonely place inside of me, like you said someone to watch a movie with, take a walk with, go sightseeing with, have a coffee with, laugh over something silly with -- someone who cares whether you make it back home when you go out -- someone to cook for, I am really missing him, a lot.

I know where you are coming from, I wish I could give you some advise, but I havent found anyone else to share those things with - I am 56, I have found my single female friends seem to have become bitter nasty old women gossiping about everyone. Maybe they were always like that and I didnt notice?

I need someone in my life too. The empty nest is really empty and quiet and lonely --

Answer 6

Well you can't find them by going out and actively looking, I
know that from experience when I was young. It's always when
you are out doing things that the good guys step up to you and speak to you. Whether it's at the grocery store, and they
ask your help to make something, and they can't find a
ingredient on the shelf. Or you can find them in any number of
places where you are actively doing something and concen-
trating on it. If you go out to clubs or places where there is
music and drinking, the good guys aren't there. Just the ones
for fast action and one night stands. The good guys are more
often drinking at home and in front of the TV. Or they are out
doing something with other guys. Not sitting at a table nursing
a drink or wandering around with one in their hand.
Be out in public and do some active things. Men gravitate
to women who are into sports like they so often are. Even if
it's merely jogging or walking. They go everywhere we do.
Even to the library or the book stores. Most of the book stores
I've seen have coffee corners where you can get a latte and
read a few pages from a book to see if you like it before
buying. It's not just for women, men use the area too.
When I found the young men in my life, I wasn't even looking
They gravitated to me. And I met my husband of 45 years while I was sitting and having a coke with a girlfriend. I was just getting over the Asian Flu, and wasn't interested in meeting anyone.
So I hung back and let my girlfriend and he carry the conver-
sation. When he realized she was waiting for her fiance he
shifted his attention to me LOL. And he ended up walking me
back 'home' (an army barracks at an army post). Funny thing
about the way that started out, because a week later we were
engaged, and we were married the following week. After getting to know each other,we both felt we were each others' soul mates. And also, he had orders to go overseas! So we decided to marry before he left.
But you never know what encounters you'll have, just get
out and keep yourself busy. And one of these days, someone
special will walk right into your life and he'll be your soul mate
for the rest of your life.
Believe it or not, I have a second cousin who has been
single most all of his life and he helped be there for his mom.
Now she's passed on and he gave himself a transformation,
and changed his appearance for the better, with a major
weight loss, new glasses and hair style, and trendy wardrobe.
He also looks 20 years younger. And he's 64 as I am. I figure
he's got a lady in his life now. Or he plans to find one. He's
chosen to move to Germany, his favorite place to be, and he
will not be coming back to the states. That's where he feels
his home is, and so that's where he'll be. I hope he finds the
missing love of his life there and finds the happiness that's
alluded him all these years.
So hang in there, someone's bound to enter your life, when
you least expect it. You can also join a dance club and meet
some single men. Or join the Elks if you can find a sponsor
and become an Elkette. There are singles at some of their
in club restaurants/dining rooms too. They often have dances
where high caliber businessmen drop in from time to time.
Some just go for the good food. An aunt of mine, used to go
there for the social activities after her husband died when
she was in her early 60's. She would often eat there and
sometimes stay for listening to the band. She met two nice
'gentlemen' who were her escorts and companions. And
she didn't have a romantic relationship with either of them.
Just friendship and companionship. And sometimes that's
enough!

Answer 7

Darn good question! I am in the same boat. I am 62 and have been a widow for nineteen years. I am not attractive anymore and not interested in a long term relationship either. Most men around here want these young good looking cocktail waitresses that work in the casinos here. It's very difficult to meet someone that would just like to be friends. Dinner and conversation, a movie, a drive, all they want is sex or a wife to clean up after them and cook.

Answer 8

I was in the dating scene up until 5 years ago and it is tough out there. Men all seem to want someone to take care of all their needs and dont really care if that is what we want or not. Sorry to say I almost gave up. Then 2 friends set me up with my husband and he is easy to get along with. It does help that he works opposite shifts that I do and we get a lot of alone time and still keep our independence . Not good to become too dependent on someone. Also helps that my son goes to his fathers every weekend so we can be just a couple too. I do work a lot of weekends too so he gets to do his running and watching sports without interference so it is the best of both worlds. I was lucky.

Answer 9

this occurs to many people. it is high-quality. I actual have not been intimate with my husband for 11 years. We nonetheless stay collectively on occasion. It quantities to 2 or 3 months a year. interior the previous couple of years and is going all the way down to approximately 6 weeks for 2008. we've distinctive circles of acquaintances. we've very distinctive hobbies. we are thoughtful of another. His girlfriends are consistently superb. they don't stay over while i'm interior the living house. it is all very civil and civilizing. We in no way combat anymore as we at the instant are not based on one yet another for emotional help. a number of our acquaintances think of that's an strange affiliation. And it must be. we like how that's determining. we are sturdy acquaintances.

Answer 10

Finding a platonic relationship with a man will be hard. Men are interested in sex until they die unless they are sick and in too much pain. However they may hang around if there are financial benefits. I hope you find the one who is the exception.