my ex is always saying bad stuff about me to our children...she never did anything for you shes a bad mom etc none of it is true and my children know this in fact i consider it a form of child abuse but what i want to know is its been 2 yrs since we have been together he is with someone else and so am i.....he wanted out of our marriage i didnt but i accepted his choice.i was devesated and it took a long time for me to move on but i did and have.....i just want to know why after all this time he thinks badly of me and says things like this...i was a good wife and mom....why cant he just be civil for the sakeof our children i havnt bad mouthed him at all....can anyone explian this to me like i said its been 2 yrs........
2007-11-11 11:13:32 · 12 answers · asked by Mary G 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He's making you out to be the bad guy, when meanwhile it is him that is the guilty party, he dosen't want to be the bad guy in his children's eyes, so he puts it on you, he must have a guilty conscience but he also sounds very immature to be doing this, maybe you should confront him about this and get it resolved.
2007-11-11 11:27:34 · answer #1 · answered by 24Special 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He could be trying to justify the divorce to himself and the kids or if hes paying child support then he may have an ulterior motive like trying to get the kids on his side and then take you back to court to try for reverse custody but needs the kids on his side to do so. This happens all the time everyday. You can tell him that you know what hes saying to the kids and if he doesnt stop immediately,then youll let the courts know or sue him for slander. The only bad part about that being then he will know the kids are telling you everything and may take it out on them. Best bet would be to keepa detailed record of all this for future court use if he does what i suspect he might try. He might also be building his image to the kids and putting the entire divorce thing on you too. But for now and to keep status quo, you may just have to live with it for awhile. Good luck
2007-11-11 19:33:39 · answer #2 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people just want to make others miserable at all costs. He is still bitter about the divorce and has not moved on even though he has found someone else. He is still hurt inside. Do your part as you have been and just take care of the children and never disrespect him to the kids. You have to show the little ones no matter what is said your actions is what they will see.
2007-11-11 19:19:54 · answer #3 · answered by littlebear 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When my parents divorced my father bad mouthed my mom all the time and I hated that. My mom never bad mouthed my dad and trust me she had more rights too since he was the actual reason why they divorced. He was an alcoholic and he abused her and cheated on her. As an adult I love my mom even more for not sinking down to his level and doing what he did. I even knew then as a child that what he was saying was wrong only I had to listen to it because I was the kid. Hang in there. You can't stop him from saying it even though you both know it hurts the kids. Just remember that they know you are a good mom and no child likes it when anyone bad mouths their parent. They never like the one who does it either...because it makes them feel bad.
2007-11-11 19:33:06 · answer #4 · answered by just bored 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie,
Unfortunately you can't control what he does when he has the kids. I know this is horrible - I actually went through this as a child.
If your children are old enough, explain to them that dad is angry or upset about things that don't concern them and he is having a hard time expressing his feelings.
Assure them that this is in no way a reflection on them.
Give them plenty of love and show them that what he says is false.
The one thing you don't want to do is to fall to his level and start telling them he's a jerk and all, even though he is.
My guess, judging by my own experience when my parents split - is that he is unhappy in the choice he has made and is acting out as child does when they feel that negative attention is better than no attention. He knows how to push your buttons, he knows what will hurt you the most and he's doing it as a way to get you to focus your attention on him.
Don't focus on him - focus on the kids.
Again I speak from experience, the kids will figure this all out on their own in time and if they are not old enough now, when they are will understand who was there for them and who was not
Good Luck!
2007-11-11 19:51:23 · answer #5 · answered by Tauri Athena 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he is jealous abit for you finally moved on and cut the last string. Your are happy now right? It also sounds like he was hoping for you to pine away for him and only him. He says to the kids what doses because he knows that is your soft spot. The kids. My ex did the same thing its hard to keep from wanting to scream but your actions will always yell lower to the kids and that will show them that he was lying about you. Your strength will show them you were right and the adult one by not going to his level.Children are very smart and as they get older they will look up to you for you being so strong to endure all you did. Remember tho your kids always come first in your life above all. Good luck.
2007-11-11 19:52:32 · answer #6 · answered by shadow of life. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sweetie he expected you to be in a corner crying over him and wanting him back but you have moved on with your life and you should. this is he way of dealing with the mistake he made by leaving you and the kids. dont ever bad mouth about him to the kids. let the kids always be able to say when they get older that my mom never said a mean word about my dad to us or in front of us ever through his would do this. explain to the kids that daddy is having a bad day and is taking it out on me and that none of what he is saying is true. tell them to say to daddy when he starts talking bad is daddy dont say that about my mommy than maybe he will stop. but dont even give him a second thought. sweetie in a minute the kids are not going to want to be around him if he keeps this up. GodBless
2007-11-11 19:27:38 · answer #7 · answered by Crystal G 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He has serious issues with insecurity or either is jealous cause you have moved on. My ex cannot be civil with me. And he puts ideas in our child's head and I am constantly trying to defend myself. When we were married I was on Zoloft, Valium, and two other meds for depression and anxiety. We have been divorced for 2 years and have been medicine free. I wasn't the one who needed the meds.. he was
2007-11-11 19:38:17 · answer #8 · answered by rene1695 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like he is either A) jealous B) insecure or C) both. My ex and I actually have it in our divorce papers that we must speak civilly about each other in front of our son.
It may be worth consulting an attorney.
I hope this helps. Good luck.
2007-11-11 19:23:02 · answer #9 · answered by Tom P 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
if you figure it out, let me know, I have been divorced for 17 years and he still bad-mouths me to my girls......and it has blown up in his face......I told him years ago he was making a big mistake bad-mouthing the person who is always there for them etc etc.....and it has come to fruition, they rarely talk to him
2007-11-11 19:17:40 · answer #10 · answered by abc 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋