Being a good wife and student.?

Question

I feel like I have a lot on my plate right now and am feeling a bit overwhelmed. I'm a new wife..(just got married 4 mos ago) about 2yrs years from finishing up my degree. My classes are getting very hard and are taking up alot of my time. I also feel so much pressure to be the perfect wife...keeping a clean house, staying in shape, making homecooked meals...etc. I know I don't have to do all these household things, as my husband has told me that I'm spreading myself too thin. But the truth is, when I try to neglect my house and focus on school, I feel awful and can't concentrate...I basically put being a housewife before being a student and it's making me crazy. I feel like no one understands...my family tells me to suck it up and quit whining, and my friends don't understand because they're either single, or unconcerned with keeping up their houses. I don't know what to do anymore. I know there are women who can juggle what I have to plus more...how do you all do it?

Answer 1

you have to make some sort of compromise for yourself. it's okay to not wash the dishes once in a while. have him help you. split some of the chores up.

I was a mother, a wife, and a student at the same time. I asked my husband to take up a few chores while I was in school. To my surprise, he was willing to help.

What good are you going to be to anyone (yourself and your husband included) when and if you suffer some sort of breakdown as a result of all this pressure you put on yourself?

Go for a lengthy walk. That will take care of some of the fitness part, and give you some time to clear your mind of everything.

Nobody but you knows what you are going through and experiencing. So stop seeking the advice of people who clearly do not support you.

Get through school. It will be worth it.

Answer 2

While I admire the fact that you're trying to finish school, I think you need to be realistic... After you finish school, what are your plans? If they are to be a stay at home mom, then just start that now... It will make your life a lot simpler.

You're husband is correct, you are spreading yourself too thin. I would suggest cutting back on the number of classes you take each semester (It will take longer to graduate. So?), or hire a housekeeper (they're not as expensive as people think), or go out to eat a little more often (not good for the waistline, but it saves you prep and cleanup time in the kitchen.)

"How do you all do it?" The secret is they don't. Something has to take priority. Some things just don't get done. In my home, our children are our priority. If the house is a mess, so what.

Answer 3

Perhaps you can establish time limits for what you do. Set aside a certain period of time to study, a period of time to do housework and so on and perhaps if you make up a list of things to do and post it on a refrigerator your husband may help with some of them. One thing that may help you in school is something I have used and recommended to others with great results. Try going to a health food store and get some DMAE, a natural substance with no side effects which improve concentration and memory. This costs about $5 or so a bottle and everyone I have recommended it to has thanked me for that. It has also been shown that listening to baroque music while studying also helps. Jyst do all you can and let the rest go. Good luck in school!!

Answer 4

u know what? i am in the same situation...plus i live with a crazy mother in law..
i want to cook meals and be a perfect housewife and an A+ student..
but honey, the reality is both can't happen..
see, ur husband seems like a very understanding kind of a guy..he is right..
do what i do.
on weekends ..cook three things..make it in ample amount and freeze it for week days...on sunday do the cleaning and laundry and dry cleaning....and on week days...focus on school..
instead of coming home right after class...take two hours stay in the library...finish the homework and assignments for the day in 1 hr and 30 minutes.... spend the rest 30 minutes relaxing and listen to some music or read a book u like.
come home take a shower u will fell better..trust me...i am married for 1 and 1/2 yr and things r working out..
hope it helps!
good luck!

Answer 5

I know a couple that are both going through college together and working part time each. It's tough for them but they manage. For some semesters they cut back in the number of credits to 12 or 9. While that means it takes longer to graduate unless you take summer or winter courses too, it helps ease up on the amount to do. Couples have to work together. Let him help you and ask for help. Men are quite capable of washing dishes, doing laundry and vacuuming too.

Answer 6

Get a cleaning service. That will keep your house clean and give you time to study. Cook 5 days worth of meals on Sunday so you only have to reheat things. Eat out 2 times a week. That way you only have to cook 1 time a week and you'll be giving your hubby a home cooked meal everyday. It seams like he understands your overwhelmed so he may like and support these short cuts. Good luck.

Answer 7

I get a lot of help from my wonderful husband. Ask your hubby if you can leave him a chore list. Or maybe tell him you'll vacuum in lingerie if he'll mop the floors or something. Regardless, you need to have his help around the house as with all things if you are going to make this marriage work.

Answer 8

First of all you set priorities. Since you're married your husband and home should come first...education takes a back burner. Yeah that's harsh but if your education was so important to begin with you would have held of getting married.

Secondly you're going to have to get used to the fat that you're not going to be able to do it all. Then do as your family says, suck up and deal with it, stop whining. You CHOSE to put yourself where you are now YOU have to take responsiblity for that choice.

Answer 9

The problem is that your idea of a "good wife" is sexist... in his favor. The household chores/domestic stuff should be split 50-50. Also, why do you feel you have to stay in shape for him? Do it for yourself, or don't do it at all. If he loves you he should love you no matter what you look like, and vice versa.

Answer 10

Sounds like your husband needs to help around the house a little bit.