My boyfriend is an emotional abuser- he is jealous, he controls me and he blames me for all our problems. When I talk reasonably with him he tells me it's my fault that he is controlling because I kissed another guy once.
Now I am not "allowed" to talk to guys, and he gets angry when I talk to my friends about how he treats me. Sometimes I feel more like a child than a girlfriend. I tried to leave him last month and he cried and promised to change. I was pessimistic but things were better until this week.
He asked me last night to choose between him and my dreams- I want to move to Spain after university but he doesn't. I try to make compromises but things always escalate.
I know what I would say to someone else in this situation- I would tell them to get the hell out, to leave him and never look back. But I keep clinging on- I don't want to give up on him, I love him. I don't know how to leave, or if I should or can. HELP! Does anyone have any advice?Can he change?
2007-11-11 10:42:59 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I was once in a relationship very similar to this. Trust me, you think you love him, but really you are scared to be without him. Think about the person you are and you will realize that you can't actually love someone that treats you this way. And do you really want to live your life like this? Have kids with this person and teach your kids that his behavior is okay??
Change your phone number and don't give him the new number. If you live with him, get some friends to help you move out when he's not home. Don't go to your usual hangouts. Try to have friend or family member with you when you are going somewhere you might see him. Try not to face him alone so you won't change your mind. Just leave. You don't owe him an explanation. He knows he's a shitbag. You know he won't change. He just proved it to you by reverting to his old behavior after only a couple weeks.
Stay Strong
2007-11-11 10:55:47 · answer #1 · answered by Medicgirl 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You should leave. In general, people don't change. You have to accept him how he is or move on. I think he is holding you back and you need to experience things. I think you will regret it and start harboring resentment against him if you don't go to Spain like you always wanted. If he really loves you he will suck it up and go with you or be there for you with open arms when you return. Don't let him run your life. Also, just because you love someone that does not mean that they are good for you or that you should be together. Good Luck.
2007-11-11 10:52:01 · answer #2 · answered by You Don't Know Me! 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm with someone very similar which is odd because I always saw myself as really independant and strong. But it seems like the longer you hold on the harder it is to let go. I'm planning on making my escape (also using travel as my excuse). I'm just going to spring it on him so he can't guilt me out of it. I suggest you do the same.
They will never change because that's who they are. I know that I don't have the ability to help him and that control isn't love it's an ego trip.
2007-11-11 10:58:05 · answer #3 · answered by ohnoway 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Your man sounds just like my wife. I tried to leave a couple of times, but I always felt like giving her another chance. But now, I feel like my patience is running out and we are probably heading for splitville. So back to you, yeah get rid of him because he's never going to change. Never, regardless of what he says. It will hurt to leave him because you definitely love him, but that's okay. You'll be better and stronger in the long run. Stay away from jealous people from now on, I know I will. Good luck
2007-11-11 11:22:24 · answer #4 · answered by blackjack7 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I was in same situation. Exactly same situation. I was always thinking of leaving him. But he would not allow me by some or other way. At the end he cheated on me and left. I think such person are the real selfish person. Plz leave.
2007-11-11 10:57:32 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
These problems and he is a boy friend? Start leaving and don't look back. Make a change in your life to be happy. When you are happy nd this shows you will have your choice of many men that will be happy to have you.
2007-11-11 11:39:26 · answer #6 · answered by ronnny 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
only person that needs to change is you - you need to care for yourself as you do him. turn that around, then you will see that your dreams do matter most to you and that anyone who gives that type of ultimatum really do not care for your happiness - leave and leave now, because you know it's only going to get worse and if you know that going to Spain is a dream and possibly open up many doors of happiness for yourself, why wouldn't you follow your dream. life is too short so be happy.
2007-11-11 10:56:54 · answer #7 · answered by lynnette 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He might grow out of these traits or better yet you might grow up and stop letting someone else run your everyday life . No relationship could exist under these conditions. Open your eyes and look around you, then leave.
2007-11-11 11:53:40 · answer #8 · answered by lenzix5 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He will never stop being a control freak.
Staying with him will be sentencing yourself to a life of misery.
There cannot be anything about him that makes it worth sticking around.
Be glad you're not married to him.
Make the move and make it now.
2007-11-11 10:57:29 · answer #9 · answered by nevit 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Seems like a poor attempt at leaving, to me. Just keep walking. Do you think the baby is going to let go easily? No way. Ignore the tears, they are just a tool.
2007-11-11 10:49:48 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋