Constructive Criticism for a Chapter.?

Question

I need some advice on what to better in this chapter of a story I am writing. It is somewhat long, but I hope fantasy-readers enjoy it.
http://www.booksie.com/fantasy/novel/commander/guardians-of-the-divine/chapter/30

Answer 1

Too much backstory, too little dialogue to ensnare and keep the reader while building tension. While your punctuation is good, there are some aspects that you may not have researched, such as using a comma after the question mark or exclamation point and before the ending quotation mark when a participial phrase or independent clause follows.

Your chapter, nonetheless, far exceeds the average fantasy writer's ability found on Yahoo! Answers.

Answer 2

it relatively is a large tale from what i'm analyzing. This financial ruin is short yet i'm guessing it relatively is between the 1st drafts so it is going to no longer be too substantial. i've got observed particular grammatical errors which at the instant are not too vast a deal. you basically would desire to examine your artwork heavily afterwards and you will observe them. generally commas and sentence frags that are extremely fixable. i will see which you have a frequently reliable commencing up for the pass of the story, so refining this could artwork wonders for you. to boot all that, some word options would desire to be worked on. The profanities are completely fantastic however the different words you employ to narrate and so on. you employ lots of pronouns, as an occasion. it relatively is popular yet attempt to no longer do it so continuously. I see lots of "it" and a number of of alternative words that are basically too basic interior the jargon of recent human speech. The communication is somewhat genuine and, at an identical time as there's no longer lots to be sure with regards to the characters yet, I actually have a feeling they are going to be extraordinarily actual to boot. After writing something, supply it time revising and re-analyzing it once or twice. you will relatively be shocked at what you observe and revise. enable me be responsive to any further chapters or progression of the story. i actually elect to jot down and am at the instant writing some novels. i'm no expert or i do no longer additionally be responsive to if i'm reliable yet i could be happy to help out or talk approximately those issues.