Stalker ??

Question

hey guys, I have a problem.. Me and my husband been together for about a year, awhile ago i found out that his ex girlfriend came to town to see him & they met up.. I found out about 4 months ago he said he was so sorry and that it wouldnt happen again i believed him and i stood with him but ever since then its like i dont trust him i check on him all the time, i check his phone bill i dont like him going out with friends etc. we spoke about it and he thinks im stalking him and tells me that if i dont stop hes going to end up leaving me I dont know what to do !! HELP

Answer 1

Get counseling..or divorce is inevitable.

Answer 2

What is wrong with him??? He broke your trust and it has only been 4 months. Doesn't he know that he must earn trust back; it doesn't just all of a sudden happen? He has to show you that you can trust him again and must do whatever it takes; even allowing you to check up on him, etc. until the trust has been earned back.
He created this 'she-demon' as I call it; the once trusting wife who now doesn't believe a thing he says or does - so he needs to take some responsibility about it all; support you, show you he will never deceive or hide anything from you again, and understand what you are going through. Time, and his support and actions, will take care of it all. You will heal, trust him again and go forward in your marriage.

Answer 3

Well, there are two issues here. One, that he had the audacity to go and meet up with his ex girlfriend. The second part is, it kind of tweaked your trust in him, and rightfully so. My question would be, why he met up with her and why he didn't take you with him. I would say for now, to let things be until things start getting weird. Like if he comes home late or is on the phone a lot (most men don't like to be on the phone) or he's gone constantly. Those are things to worry about. This is a trust issue at this point and it's something you should talk to him about. If you do and you still continue to feel this way, then I would consider other options.

Answer 4

I know I'm young, being 17 and all, and I probably don't know much but my parents got separated last year, which is odd because none of us saw it coming. But because of history they had, one of the reasons was because my mom wouldn't be able to trust him again and she would be on his case about everything so they knew getting back was not an option. Honestly, if you told your husband you'd stand by him, then do just that and in case something else happens that rubs you the wrong way trust him and put trust in your marriage or it won't work out. Guys need there privacy as much as girls need theirs. How would you feel if he was constantly all up in your business even though you guys are married, you both need space. Even though you have the right to be suspicious and worry, and it's hard being able to completely trust him LET HIM KNOW THAT, just tell him honestly a part of me lost trust when that whole thing happened and its going to take some time for me to be able to trust you again because he is in fault with that and that is weird. but if everything else in your marriage is right, and he shows you love and cares for you and comes home to you every night, be happy :]

Answer 5

Well hone here is the problem. He was wrong for seeing the girl and "meeting up" but you are wrong for checking up and being overly paranoid. Sit down and TALK about this issue. Explain to him that his behavious has damaged your relationship in such a way that you feel the need to "hover" over him to keep him from straying. The problem with hovering is that it often has the negative impact of driving the "hovered over" away and in a bad and huge way.

My ADVICE is to sit across a table from each other.. yes across from each other. AND NO YELLING OR GETTING ANGRY...

Each of you writes on a small piece of paper what is bothering you and pass it across the table. The write then says frankly why this bathers them and WHAT they beleive the solution to the issue is. In order for this to be constructive the stater of each "issue" must give a "solution to the issue".

Example:

(her) I get angry when you go out with your buddies instead of staying home with me. I would liek for us to have a date on Friday nights and then you can spend Saturday with the guys.

The problem & a solution were stated.

The other half must then answer the issue and state frankly whether they agree with the issue and it's given solution.

Compromise is the key here and BOTH parties must be willing to talk or its failed from the very beginning.

Good Luck!!

Answer 6

When they met up, do you mean that they slept together, or just had dinner or whatever??? If they slept together, I definitely don't think you should trust him, and although it is totally shady that he met up with her while married to you, if they did not sleep together, maybe you should just back off a little, but be prepared for anything. Don't let yourself get too vulnerable, ya know? I can understand your suspicions completely, but without trust, there is no marriage, anyway. Just be careful is the best advice I can give. If my husband slept with another woman while married to me, I would not give another chance. Period.

Answer 7

Saying so sorry doesn't get it. Both of you need marriage counseling ASAP. He screwed up, he is the one who needs to make amends no matter how long it takes and you have every right to be suspicious. Accusing you of stalking and then threatening to leave you are symptomatic of a guilty conscience.

Answer 8

Its understandable how he feels. Its probably annoying to him, but at the same time, meeting up with his ex girlfriend while married is not such a great idea either. Look forget him, come get with me. Im better than him.

Answer 9

its a federal offense to check somebodies phone. I'd suggest hiring a private investigator. But marriage is built around trust. If you truly love him, honor what he says, and all will work out accordingly.

Answer 10

Either make the decision to fix this, trust him and get help (e.g couples therapy) or leave him if you can't.

And what does "meet up" mean? Shaggin her or just seeing her? Because unless he was unfaithful you are being controlling.

Answer 11

Your marriage is on the rocks. Since he has spent time with his ex girlfriend that tells me that he is actively looking for something new. You need to talk to him and find out where your relationship stands and if it needs fixing.