My bf of 7 years still says he doesnt want to get married w/ me?

Question

I have been with my boyfriend for 7 years. We are both young, im 24 and hes 23.
In our relationship we have had many ups and downs, it got really bad at one point where I felt the need to just go away bc in the past he had lied to me by posing as single online and always watching porn, despite the fact that i always pleasured him.

I couldn't handle it anymore, so after being together for 5 years and having a conversation about our future and him telling me he wasnt sure, i decided to study abroad for a year.

I figured it would be the smartest thing i could do, for my own sanity and also to get away and have him figure out what he wanted. So my first week of living abroad he has already added himself to Hotornot as single. Immediately when i saw this i cried but i knew i had a whole year to look forward to in a different country with new people.

So when he called me i told him it was over and why.
....

so then after enjoying myself he then started contacting me and said he wanted to visit me, so he came in december to visit me after not having seen eachother for 4 months and brought me a promise ring, i gave him another chance...

now im back, been back since May and he still says he doesnt want to get married, how long am i supposed to wait? Shoudl i even?
also he still watches porn....i just feel that im wasting my time, bc most of the time i feel unhappy.
he goes from cold to nice with me, hes never constant. like right now hes ignoring me.

so basically i dont know what to do, if to keep being patient..and see what happens. or just move on. im just confused of this whole situation.

Answer 1

his actions and behaviors speak volumes about what he wants from life. u need to cut all contact with this man who won't commit. you are wasting time with him that u need to be using to find Mr right. he is a waste of your energy and why invest in nothing. every woman wants a marriage and children and a life where she feels emotionally and financially safe, if he won't give it to u move on with someone who will.

Answer 2

You need to stop going back to him and thinking about him. He obviously doesn't value this relationship as much as you do. He probably just got you a ring to get you to be quiet and come back to him. He sounds like a pretty big scum bag. If you're wanting to get married and he isn't then that's a huge clue to you that you are with the wrong person. You already can't stand his looking at porn (can't blame you there) and feel like he isn't being loving toward you. Well what are you still doing with him?! Move on and find someone who loves you, truly loves you, and wants to be with you too. Don't try to find his profiles on the internet and stop thinking about him. You need to drop all and move on. While you may break up with him, you need to do it totally and completely and that means no more talking to him, seeing him or looking him up on the internet. You can do better.

Answer 3

Your boyfriend does not want to commit himself in marriage. He is very comfortable the way things are. He gets his intimate moments with you when ever he wants to and also gets to watch his porn without having any obligation to you. This boyfriend of yours is not going to marry you. He is keeping you on a leash and in suspense making you think that one of these days he will decide. Give him an ultimatum regarding the marriage and the porn, and if he does not shape up, then he would make a bad husband for you anyway. Kick him off to the curb where he belongs and look for someone that loves and cares for you and who wants to make you his wife.

Answer 4

You state that you feel unhappy most of the time.....

I think it's time for you to look very seriously at this relationship. Where do you see it going in 6 months from now?

Clearly the guy is not ready for marriage, or else he would not have put himself on a dating website one week after you left. And a promise ring is something High School boys give out to insecure girlies to guarantee themselves a piece of tail.

What I see is that you are ready to move on. The relationship has ran its course.
He won't change, things won't improve, time to chalk it up to experience and go out and find a guy with similar aspirations in a long term relationship.

Answer 5

It is easy to see what you must do .

A. let him go... he is holding you back.
B. expand your life to include reading quite abit more about
humans. Including yourself.
C. Only meet people in real life.. humans you can see, touch,
and smell ( hopefully in a good way ) and whom you can
KNOW their families and friends so you can see how
trustworthy a person you are seeing.
D. Gain self confidence I do not see in you right now. Mature
abit more before you decide to settle down. You have
great value or God would not have made you. Discover
the incredible depths you have within.

God bless your life.

Answer 6

I think you deserve someone better. He's not ready for commitment and it's obvious. Maybe it's because of the fact that you're both still young. You're lucky because you're young still and your opportunities are still broad. Give the ring back to him, and tell him point blank, it's over. You did the right thing by getting away from him. I wish you lots of luck in your adventures of finding your future partner.

Answer 7

Why should he HAVE to marry you? You have basically handed everything to him on a silver platter and he is going to take it. The fact that YOU don't like him spending time checking out porn obivously doesn't phase him one damn bit. He doesn't CARE and yet you keep coming back for more refusing to take the more than subtle (quite obvious actually) hints that he doesn't care. You're allowing him to use you and as long as you do he will continue to use you...He doesn't care.

Answer 8

Will he marry you, I say no. Move on. You can sit and wait for him but you are young only once so go out and live it. If a new man comes your way give him a chance. You never know he might be your future husband

Answer 9

I had a friend who had a boyfriend and they dated for 7 years also, they did everything together, you would swear that they would get married, but one day she came up to me and told me that she was wondering when he would pop the question, and she felt like she was throwing away 7 years of her life with this guy, who she really loved, and really wanted to marry!

I told her to sit him down and have a heart to heart conversation with him and ask him what he wants to do with their relationship and where he sees their relationship going, so they did, and she found out that he did not want to get married, and he did not have the intention of asking her to marry him anytime soon.

So, they broke up and a few months later she found a man, and married him, and a few months after that, he found a woman and married her, my two friends were just not compatable!!!!

Answer 10

After all the time you and him have been together ,I'd say dump him if it's marriage your looking for ,because he isn't,you'll find someone who wants and needs you and will be only to happy to marry you and treat you the way he should,so good luck !!!