I recently found out my husband (to whom I have been married barely a year) likes transgenders and wears womens' clothes himself sometimes. I am shocked, and a little upset but I don't know what to do? He obviously loved me enough to marry me but can I trust him not to cheat on me with this secret he still hasn't admitted to me?
2007-11-11 07:56:50 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Ok, the cross dressing is disturbing but the more pressing issue (for me) would be the abuse of trust, he has taken advantage of the trust you have put in him and although he has not lied to you he has not exactly been honest either and you need to consider whether you can still trust him anymore.
2007-11-11 08:58:38 · answer #1 · answered by Very happily married. 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Most likely, your husband loves you and is ashamed to talk about his crossdressing. So don't be so tough on him and use this time as an opportunity to learn something about crossdressers.
For the most part crossdressers are healthy heterosexual men. Their brains are hard-wired in such a way that the touch, visual or even of the though of women's clothing will produce a series of neurotransmitters which give him a sensation of well-being, pleasure, sexual gratification and self-identity. Its like an addiction.
So what do you do? At this point its the wife's call. She should be able to set down the rules. So have a planned sit-down discussion with your husband, but be prepared to set some rules and be prepared to make allowances. For instance:
1. He cannot wear your clothes. He should have enough respect for you to leave your clothes alone.
2. No public displays of crossdressing. Crossdressing is a private thing, not to be mentioned around friends, family, and especially around children.
3. Crossdressing is never to be associated with love-making. You will not touch him whenever he crossdresses.
4. Crossdressing is only done in good taste, nothing slutty, no he doesn't look pretty in woman's clothes, etc.
5. You need to help him with his selection of acceptable clothes.
6. Keep the number and types of crossdressing clothes to a minimum.
7. Use a male alternative when applicable - - JC Penny's has men's nylon pajamas. It has the same feel as lingerie. He can wear two pairs of nylon pajama pants and they will slide and feel sensual.
8. Be discrete. If wearing panties or a camisole under his men's clothing does the trick then limit yourself to that.
9. Find out what articles of women's clothing are his absolute favorite and limit him to that.. no wig, no make-up, etc.
The idea is to live with practical limits. Everything in life has its boundaries, and you play a big role in his crossdressing boundaries. And there should be some up-side for you too. When he crossdressing he should remain in the house and perform domestic work around the house - -cleaning, ironing, etc..
A person can still be a good husband and have an inclination to crossdressing. Rudy Giuliani is a known crossdresser. And you can seek some outside help too. There are organizations for wives of crossdressers.
2007-11-11 13:55:25 · answer #2 · answered by Dr. D 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's remotely possible (though highly unlikely) that he may be transsexual-in-denial; but it's far, far more likely that he's simply a cross-dresser (approximately 1 in 5 men are; only around 1 in 10,000 are transsexual, to put it in perspective).
If he hasn't told you, it's because he's afraid you'll react negatively (which means he cares what you think, so he's unlikely to cheat on you). It doesn't mean he's gay (and it certainly doesn't make him a child-molester, as one answerer seems to think); he just likes wearing women's clothes.
Think of it as an unusual hobby, or a harmless fetish; talk to him about it calmly, don't prejudge, and see if you can't come to an understanding. If necessary, speak to a marriage guidance counsellor, but don't assume the worst.
2007-11-11 08:43:12 · answer #3 · answered by ? 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He deceived you as he married you and before he married you hoping you wouldnt mind.
Who knows how many other ways he deceives you? Look up what men like that do online., Be a little more shocked.. and I hope you do not have any children to this man. If you do have children to someone else.. I would not leave them alone with him. If he deceived you in such and incredibly important way.. he may try to also trick them into.. ? Who knows? But the imagination can leap into action.
It is not a "little" secret he has sprung on you..like flowers at the office.. or like a new bottle of your favorite perfume.this is a major deception on his part. He may even "blame" you for it all thinking to himself that it is all your fault you didn't know because he gave you "little" clues.
It is ok to let him go. Just because you see things like this on TV nowadays does not make it normal. It only means other things about who is producing television programing these days.
2007-11-11 08:20:19 · answer #4 · answered by BelieverinGod 5 · 1⤊ 3⤋
why would you think hes going to cheat on you because he likes to dress like a woman and trans gender people has he cheated on you in the past. maybe he just likes that life style and is scared what you think about it and how you will act. and from the way your talking now he has every right to be scare that you will not except him for how he is and what he likes. give him time and don't be worried he will not cheat on you if he loves you.
2007-11-11 08:41:00 · answer #5 · answered by silk 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's why it is very important before you get married to find out everything you need to know about the person you are going to marry this was not fair to you at all he should have told you this even though he loves you it should have been your choice if you wanted to marry him or not and i know it hurts. I don't know if you can trust him or not that's something you have to be sure about. Are you willing to stay in this marriage even though he was deceitful to you.
best of luck
2007-11-11 08:20:05 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
WOW 1st is he friends with them or is it sexually. You need to have a serious talk with him I have a family member that likes trans gender woman because he felt like he wasn't gay if he messed with them instead of men but he is still gay u know so u need to have a serious talk with him and make sure what his desire are before u end up in something you are not ready for.
2007-11-11 08:05:24 · answer #7 · answered by rosalyn_1973 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
News Flash. You don't have to love someone to marry them! You should, but that's not always the case. eg. gold diggers.
Have him admitted to a mental institution. The world does not need more of these freaks.
2007-11-11 08:03:53 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋
It is indeed a tough situation.check closely what he is doing.In this case cheating can happen anytime.Talk to him seriously about this problem,as soon as possible.Good luck.
2007-11-11 08:04:35 · answer #9 · answered by cobrasnake 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Talk to him if he lies then may be time to seperate if he will not talk and work this out.
2007-11-11 08:40:15 · answer #10 · answered by ronnny 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋