husband and sex chats?

Question

we got married 1.5 years back.my husband is a very busy person with lot of stress at work.he never had interest in sex.i had to take the initiative all the times and many times when i take the initiative he will try to go far away from me and he blames me that i have a very high sex drive.we will have sex once in 3 weeks that too i have to kind of force him to that.i slowly got adjusted to that.but recently i found him having sex chat with few girls on internet.he asks fr their photos and praises their beauty.he also sends his photos.i warned him not to do that and he said that he will not repeat it .but he keeps dng this.i cought him many times.he accuses me that im not giving space to him and that we cannot have children if this continues.he also has deppression and he is reluctant to consult a doctor as he is a doctor and those medications wil affect his job.i agree that im nt too attractive as i have strech marks and loose skin on my tummy.is it affecting my life.wat shud i do

Answer 1

well for starters.... i dont think you should be saying that you are not attractive because of stretch marks.... etc....

you are a BEAUTIFUL person, both inside and out, and no stretch marks or loose skin can change that!

do NOT let yourself think like that! it can be very damaging to your self esteem.

think positive about yourself and positive will happen! (think "i am beautiful" and you will feel beautiful!! truly it works!)

and secondly - the husband thing.... hmmmm..... i think ALL men are sexual creatures - they cant seem to help themselves. i suppose there might be a few who are not but not often.

i would suggest you talk to him seriously about the internet thing first - suggest how it makes you feel (be honest about it - say that it makes you feel unwanted / unsexy... feel that's not fair if he wont even sex you! (whatever is honest for you - say it to him) - suggest it is paramount to cheating - and suggest something be done INSTEAD of it..... perhaps trying out your sexual fantasies with each other (he OBVIOUSLY has SOME)....

if he continues to do it, then i would say make a stand for yourself!

you DO NOT have to put up with this garbage if you dont want to, despite being married.

you DO NOT have to take the blame for having a high sex drive - that is quite normal and right.

DO NOT take on guilt for HIS actions.... (depression, long work hours, etc...) you can deal with your own guilt, let him deal with his!

good luck!

Answer 2

Time out and I mean Time out...this is ridiculous he is clearly cheating and there is no excuse for his behaviour. He seems to be tried of the marriage and you need to get out of it or at least get some time-out from him. I don't care how you look vows were taken for better or worst and should be honoured. If he is on the chat line with other women that should be your time that he is giving away right in front of your face. He is not going to stop this because this is what he does, to insult you in your home, and act like it is your fault is upsurged. If he wants space give it to him, so far he has it anyway, if he is depress it is because he can't do as much cheating with you around. Don't think you are unattractive because of your tummy that's a small thing, you are still a beautiful person and can do better then what you are allowing here with this so call doctor husband.

Answer 3

It is NOT your fault he has problems. He will try to make YOU believe it is you, but I stress to YOU , girl..it is NOT you.

Make an appointment for him with a trained counselor and go WITH him to the first few visits to explain what he is doing to the counselor so the counselor can determine how to proceed. Many people are on medication for depression and the medication does not present a work issue. There are many different kinds of medications these days.

If he hates your tummy and has made you be ashamed of it... then ignore his shame and keep on being a fit and healthy woman no matter what he thinks.

Answer 4

It's not cool...I don't know whether it's cheating on the same level as actual sex with another woman, but the point is that he's neglecting you and turning to this other world. This seems as much like a porn addiction than anything. He's found a world to replace reality that is always ready for him, wanting him and never turns him down. Reality is more difficult and requires work and compromise and patience. Don't focus on whether it's cheating, but focus on the fact that it's a sign that your relationship is going downhill and your man is unwilling to turn his attention back to you.

Answer 5

Yes

Answer 6

Get shot he should love you inside and out and if he can't see past a few stretch marks etc he isn't worth it.
If you feel bad about your stretch marks try bio oil not expensive but improves the look of them i should know lol.

Answer 7

You need to go while you still have time.....i went through this once already, and once i cought him and he promisse he wont do it it was just a matter of hours for him to go right back to it. It is an endless emotional rollacoster. You need to find your way out, and continue your life for you. Dont settle for this.

Answer 8

One possiblity as to why he neglects your advances, does he strugle with being impotent? If so, it could be physical or psycological (depression can cause this), either way he is probably embarassed and afraid to see a Dr. for treatment. If this is the case, he may be going on-line as a way to stimulate the sexual side of himself emtionally without fear of revealing the physical impotentcy to the person on the otherside of the computer.

Other thoughts:
- He is just being a huge uncaring unfeeling jerk who isn't worth your time or energy.
- If his sex drive wasn't this low before your marriage (for whatever reason, he went online &had his first sex chat) he may have gotten addicted to having his fantasies fullfulled through on-line chatting & reality isn't as satifying any longer.
- If he's always had a low sex drive & your advances for him to fulfill your needs may be too much pressure for him & he is rebelling against your advances by allowing himself to GET CAUGHT in these on-line chats. The chats are his way of regaining control of his sex drive while letting you know that you're not in control of it.

You can either walk away from the relationship now because of his unfaithfulness (whatever the reason he is being unfaithful to your marriage) or find a way to reconnect with him emtionally & physically. Unfortunatly for now, it will have to be on his terms. Counseling would be helpful, but since he is reluctant to do that for himself, he probably won't do it for your marriage either.

My I suggest that you pull back physically but not emtionally for a while. If you have a seperate computer, create your own on-line persona, but don't let him know & chat with him in a way to fulfull the mental aspect that the on-line chats provide him. Through this on-line persona, you may want to eventually say that you don't want him to talk to other women on-line & that you alone want to be the one to fulfill his on-line fantasies. (A La, the Pina Colada song? http://home.att.net/~E.Zeiser/lyrics/pina_colada_song.htm )
While In the real world, let him know that you appreciate him on levels outside the bedroom.Then once you feel that he is relaxing toward you again, over time, let him know in little ways, how you'd like to please him sexually using your on line chats as reference. In time, hopefully, he will start coming around to you again.

Lastly, don't ever let his attempts to put his problems on you cause you to feel badly about yourself. This thing that he is going through is his thing & while it affects the dymanic of your relationship it should in no way be accepted by you. Rebmember that you are still the beautiful, intelligent, fantastic, obviously forgiving and understanding person you were before you bacame his wife.

Answer 9

My friend just left her husband for exactly the same thing. Your story could of been hers. It was hard for her to do, but she is happier now then she ever dreamed possible and she has all of her old self esteem back. She has a sparkle in her eyes now...I wish this exact thing for you.

Answer 10

Watch Hot Girl Alone - http://CamGz.com/live/?VNSN