how to get your 15 year male teenager to stop talking back and disrespecting his parents?

Question

MY SON IS 15 YEARS OLD HE IS IN SPECIAL EDUCATION AND WAS HAVING DIFFUCULTY AT HIGH SCHOOL I FINALLY GOT HIM IN A SCHOOL HE LOVES AND IS DOING VERY WELL AT WE ARE HAVING DIFFICULTY IN THE WAY HE TALKS BACK TO US AND SHOWS DISRESPECT TOWARDS US HE IS HANGING AROUND THE IN CROWD NOW AND THINKS HE IS COOL . HIS ATTITUDE TOWARDS US IS VERY SNAPPY AND DEFENSIVE.

Answer 1

Take away something he loves, like his iPod (if he has one) or his Xbox (if he has one) until he can start showing respect.

Answer 2

It's a phase, don't let it become a power struggle. And keep in mind that this phase WILL END! Just like when he was 3 and asked a million questions.

Best way to curb it is to show him respect and let him know that his decision to have an attitude with you has certain consequences. The worst thing you could do is DEMAND to be spoken to respectfully by a teenager. When he gives you an attitude calmly give him a consequence, ex. no TV, no computer games, no phone etc.

How to Start out:

Give him reminders at first when he gives you attitude say "If you use that tone with me or disrespect me you will lose... (fillin)... it's your choice." then follow through if he continues. That way he knows what's expected of him, knows what the consequence will be and it will eventually be his choice if he gets a consequence or not.

My guess is, he'll challenge the boundary a few times and once he realizes that he can avoid the consequence by being respectful he may choose to be respectful.

Another good idea is to try to find out why he's in such a bad mood that he snaps at you guys (his safety). Maybe he's holding it together around others but needs an outlet to vent. Maybe getting him some counseling could help him find some positive ways to get out his anger (sports etc.)

Answer 3

Boy, this is a tough one. I've read all the responses, and I have to say that I disagree with most of these people who answered. I'm guessing you've already tried what most of them have suggested (disciplining him by spanking/hitting him or taking away something he values), and it didn't work, right? Or else you wouldn't be asking the question.

I think teenagers are really awesome people. They are just figuring out who they are going to be as adults. They are also dealing with a lot of problems, including hormones, friends, girlfriends/boyfriends, school, peer pressure, etc. So, think about how much your son has accomplished, and what burdens he has on his shoulders.

He is not a child anymore, so you should start to treat him as an adult. I would sit down with him and tell him that you really respect everything he has accomplished, and that you are going to make an effort to show him the respect he deserves, and that you would like for him to do the same. If a disagreement comes up, the two of you need to sit down and discuss it rationally.

I would also put a system in place to reward him for good behavior, and to spend time with him. Take him out to dinner once a week, and talk about the good things that have happened that week. Get him involved in sports or music or debate, and go to his events. Tell him when he does a good job. Positive reinforcement works wonders. Also, you just might get to know him a little better, and vice versa.

Answer 4

I'm sorry to hear that.

I'd stick to the old recipe: loving yet strict. You have to speak with him first and tell him that his words hurt you, that you deserve to get the same respect you show towards him.

He evidently has things messed up and thinks being childish (in a negative sense) is actually being mature. Maybe you can give him some kind of responsibility, like running errands or something you know he'll be able to do successfully. That will make him feel useful, effective, and that you are not treating him as a child.

Additionally, if you consider his friends are not good influence, first make sure that your conclusion is right. Then, make him get rid of them or you'll regret it more later.

Ok, I hope you can solve the problem soon. Just bear in mind that whatever you decide to do if it is based on love but still sticking to values, it is for his own sake... so even if it may seem hard, it'll be worth it. I'd go gradually... that's what I do in the classroom. ;) When something proves to be not hard enough, then I move to stage 2, and so on.

Good luck!

Answer 5

This is a tough one because you're fighting against hormones here.
I think the best thing is to keep calm (so much easier said than done, I know) and just withdraw attention when he does it. Also, removing luxuries is another good one. Things like no TV for the night, no PS2 (or whatever) for the rest of the day are good ones. Explain to him, calmly, why you're doing it, then follow through, no matter what. Only explain once and refuse to get into it after that.
BE CONSISTENT!
He'll soon realise backchat = consequences.
Remember though, he is a teenager, and you will get a certain amount of attitude from him whatever you do. But he'll thank you for not letting him run riot when he's older.

Answer 6

No legally no, and emotionally definitely not either even though they probably feel like adults. I believe 16 to be the legal adulthood age. Whilst (in the UK) you can't drink for another two years or drive for another year you can get a job, move out of home and get your own place, leave school and have sex. Most consider 18 to be the age you're physically and sometimes emotionally an adult. Although my thoughts are that some people never properly grow up and so therefore aren't ever adults.

Answer 7

You know, that sounds exactly like me. When I changed schools, I went from C's to straight A's. My parents often complain on how I talk back to them, how I am always on edge and snap at them at any chance I get. However, you must realize that for one, if you are disrespectful in some way to him, he will react the same to you. No one is perfect, and I think a lot of parents have a feeling of superiority and look down on their children, like they're not equals. Most parents, without realizing it, are often too controlling and demanding, making their child put up a defensive front to deal with them. In turn, the parents usually think that their child is being disrespectful, and think that they should be punished by taking things that aren't even theirs to begin with. Maybe you should take a step back, look at all perspectives, and go from there. You need to be more understanding and accepting of him, instead of instantly resorting to rash punishment. And for those of you who think that beating or doing whatever to your child is acceptable, and then calling the police if they do anything back or in response, then you are the worst kind of people imaginable.

P.S. stop whining and using that bs excuse that they're just being snobby, rude teenagers, there are probably more adults with worse characteristics

Answer 8

Why dont you call up these adolecent places where they take your son to teenage camps or adolecent centre where they stay for 3 to 6 to 12 months stay and that they will go there to learn how to be a good boy to thier parents and that they will be punished by his adolecent.

they not jails they just a team group with supervicers who patrol them 24/7 and they have thier own beds and shared the room with another 4 or 5 aother teenages...

Just like camp.

They will learn not to swear.. be bad person. Believe me ive been thru that and i still hate my parents for the things they did to me aswell myn life has been ruine and i get nightmares thinking about the past.. believe it or not there was a mental hospital near by........... Oh though the teen camp logde that i was for 5months had an old buolding hospital for mental institude there just because there was an adult camp and that area near by adult camp was mainly more for crazzy people i suppose and over the years they built a mad hospital there and so it is the only close one for the teen when they need to be check up and stuff.

Lifes sucks simple as that.. its like saying why is life has to be simply law with rules and nothing free.. we live in a country we feel imprisoners living in our country.... its like saying if you leave out of your country without important papers you are a terrorist suspect or think you can go another country for free... to go to anothe rcountry is not free it charges you money... so life to go somewhere is not free even if u try walk the boarder and or fly ur own bloody plane?

aniways adolecent... dont give them ip[od or such put them tied down but be sure to take it one at a time they will soon grow up like a men and realise the past.

good luck but thats all i can help you.. Just an idea but not a must to do that. If you the mother or father cant handle your son for years.. well then the teen adolecent camp centre is the place to take them without no runing away.

Answer 9

Hey, I am 15 and this is topic most talked about. Adults always see this as talking back and being "disrespectful", but as puberty takes place during teenage years, especially with guys, hormones delelop into the emotional system, reseting their childhood personality and creating a whole new pre-adult. So go easy, huh? He is suffering from changes and that can be quite scary for some people, so they try to be cool and fit with the crowd. What you need to do is let him have his space. Give him more freedom, but not too much.
Hope it goes well!

Answer 10

Been there, got the T-shirt and base ball cap. I tried talking to him, giving in, and being an authoritarian. Nothing seemed to work until he over stepped the mark and I totally lost it. I took on his so called mates and laid two out, then dragged him back to the car by his hair screaming.. When he tried to run away I did something I had never done before I hit him with everything I had in the middle of a busy street. When he got up he looked at me in dis belief , got in the back of the car and started crying.
I'm not proud of my self.
All I can say is that the discipline I should have given when he was younger is too late in the teens.

Answer 11

You said hes in special education well from that im guessing he is for lack of knowing the politically correct term hes challenged? Im also guessing he might know to a degree what wrong with him and you know he has all rights to have an attitude, he is probaly angry because he knows something is wrong with him and knows he cant be normal.

You dont punish the special ed kids nor do you send them to school, the majority at my school will not be able to function on their own so I say let them stay home and sleep, play video games, not send them to school.