Recently I met a young man with Asperger's Syndrome and it was the first time in a really long time that I allowed myself to cry-to empathize with somebody. I don't know how true it is, but I feel as if I met him for a reason.
Someone I was speaking to, pointed out perhaps, I met him b/c he was a mirror reflection of what I'd become. I wasn't always like this-but somewhere along the way I became withdrawn, untrusting, completely unfeeling. I sort of learned to numb myself to every feeling/emotion around me and pretended that I didn't care. Only, this young man doesn't have a choice in the way he is, but I do!
Sometimes I find that it is just so much easier to not feel than to face the truth. I come from a history of every type of abuse there is (not that it was a big deal) b/c it just doesn't feel like a big deal anymore. I would punish myself for feeling - eg. cut myself for having sexual feelings etc.
Yesterday, I realized that I never actually dealt with any of my issues.
2007-11-11 07:12:44 · 8 answers · asked by Belle 3 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
I just sort of swept up everything under the carpet, and left it there. And when I met this young man, all of the dysfunction just came up like vomit.
I really thought I was doing well, that I was normal, that everything was ok, that everything was perfect, I really had myself convinced that I was happy.
Funny thing is, I still do have myself convinced that I'm so very happy, that none of the stuff that happened in the past means anything / it's not a big deal, but then why can't I trust?
Why do I look at a man and only see him sexually? Why can't I trust anyone? Why is it that I can't be vulnerable in front of others when they can be vulnerable in front of me?
Why is it that I'm emotionally incapable, and unable to trust? How do I begin to trust? How do I begin to love?
What is wrong with me?
Perhaps it's time for a visit with the therapist. =)
2007-11-11 07:16:29 · update #1
To CLARIFY - I don't cut myself anymore.
2007-11-11 07:17:20 · update #2
All the answers you need are within you. You always deep down knew but now your facing it, so the first step is to find your belief system. Pray to find your heart and find the truth, and the answers will come to you, but you have to want it. You have to truely want to go through it. It will be painful because you will face truth about who you are, but will then go through a period of forgiving others.
Remember you have to love yourself first and that that starts with finding your true self first and accepting her. I went through this, and believe me every day I prayed, sometimes night and day, and found my inner strength. You have to make sense of yoursel first and get rid of negative people and situations out of your life. If something in your life is not making you a better person, where it doesn't serve a positive purpose, or you dont feel good about it in your heart then let it be....
ASK yourself a lot of questions all the time, and in time your questions will become less and less.... But remember be patient will take sometime. For some it takes almost a year to get there. Its a cleansing that will get you closer to you.
2007-11-11 07:51:18 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
WEll done - you;ve taken the first step by recognising that what you previously thought was dealing with your issues was really a form of escapism and you hadn;t actually dealt with them at all.
I would recommend that you get some professional counselling to go back and face up to the abuse and feelings it engendered in you so you can start to find new ways of dealing with them . Then you will be able to move on and start to have real relationships with non abusive people.
2007-11-11 15:19:11 · answer #2 · answered by bri 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well, i am not sure how to answer you question. dont think there is much wrong with you, but i do think that there is something wrong with the people who have abused you in the past. maybe you should see a counsler. i feel bad that those things have made you feel that way towards men. some are bad and not trustworth, but some are very trustworth, you have to take your time to know someone and make your decission from there. i'm a guy and i think i am quite trustworth. you take care and i wish you luck and hope you find what it is your looking for!
2007-11-11 16:28:10 · answer #3 · answered by handy1102002 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't force it. You'll know when you are ready for each new step. Take it slow. Heal yourself, Strengthen yourself and build the boundaries you need for protection. Find a therapist and if you're not making progress find another one until you find someone who can help you.
Above all, be patient with yourself. There is nothing wrong with you! You are a good survivor and a good person. Eventually, you should be able to have healthy friendships and relationships, after you have grieved for the little girl who got lost inside.
2007-11-11 15:25:29 · answer #4 · answered by Zelda Hunter 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you've already done it by crying for him. i am really sorry for all the pains and suffering you've been through.
it is time for you to let go. cry your heart out and when you finish, have a good life, because you are still alive and can make a difference in this world.
2007-11-11 15:21:22 · answer #5 · answered by Ewiase 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
relax.
those ideas you're having just seem like you are taking this hole thing a bit much too serious.
act in a calm, comtemplative manner, don't be afraid to deal with your issues, yet you don't need to be impulsive about them.
be cool
2007-11-11 15:29:56 · answer #6 · answered by Mik 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
yea ummm.... don't cut yourself in the end you'll die from doing that and just start to get friends who arnt emo and hang out with them
2007-11-11 15:16:22 · answer #7 · answered by chicken_council 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Check yourself in at the local nut house. Works wonders. Will turn you into a new person, good luck.
2007-11-11 15:17:28 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 4⤋