When to use "who" or "whom"?

Question

Can someone please help me understand? The textbook we have has me so confused, I'm starting to now think that it has something to do with the phase of the moon and what day of the week it is...

Answer 1

Lol ... it is a tough one ... one way to remember some of it is to keep in mind that you use "who" when it would be the subject of the sentence and "whom" when it is the object or the object of a preposition. The truth is, very few people use whom in speech when it's technically correct. Even scholars who know the rules don't always apply them.

Here is a site that explains it.

Answer 2

Generally speaking, use "who" when it is the subject, as in "Who is it?" When "who" is the object of a preposition, it becomes "whom", as it "To whom do you wish to speak?" or, by extension, "Whom do you wish to speak to?".

The problem is that in modern English, we tend to end sentences in a preposition, and that separates the "Whom" from the preposition, so we get "Who do you want to talk to?", which is grammatically incorrect.

Answer 3

direct object is the one that matters when trying to find out some one's identity,Who Dat ?

Meanwhile the indirect object is the focus for transitive verbs, and the proper location for a preposition preceeding this personal pronoun to which you refer.
for whom, to whom,from whom, of whom, in whom,with whom...etc.

Answer 4

As I expected, most resident grammarians are telling you to use "whom" whenever it marks the object. And probably that's a good idea if you are writing a formal paper. But I don't recommend it for spoken English

STARTING POINT --

Very simple rules of thumb are nice, and some insist on them, but real spoken language may refuse to follow them!

Originally it was a simple matter of "use 'who' when the word is the subject of the sentence (or clause), 'whom' when the word is an object".

But that's not quite the case anymore [pun intended]. In REAL spoken English the basic rule is now "Use 'who', EXCEPT right after a preposition ("for whom...?" but "who is it for?")"


A little explanation:

Notice that according to the original rule you SHOULD say both "Whom is this for?" But almost noone would say that! On the other hand, people often DO follow the rule when they say "To whom should I address the letter?"

The problem is that Modern English, unlike Old English and many other languages (including Latin) makes VERY little use of case endings to distinguish the role a noun or pronoun plays in a sentence (word order is far more critical). The only instance where we change the form according to case is several of the personal pronouns ("I/he/she/we/they" for subject, "me/him/her/us/them" for object). As for relative pronouns, "which" uses the same form for subject or object. That leaves "who-m" as the ONE that stands somewhere in the middle. Hence the confusion.

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You can skip this part if you like, but you may find it useful for understanding other questions (like why we say "It's ME" not "It's I").

The other side of this great limitation in the use of CASE is that syntax, especially WORD ORDER, becomes critical Latin might change the order of words all around, yet say exactly the same thing.. and you are not confused because the CASE endings tell you the role of the words. But you cannot do that in English --changing the order of words makes a big diference!

Simple example: "The dog bit the man" is NOT the same as "The man bit the dog" --and the difference is effected ONLY by changing the word order

Notice that in "The dog bit the man" the order is Subject-Veb-Object ("SVO"). This is the basic order for English sentences and clauses, and what we usually expect to see. So we apply it to many simple constructions. We are following this ORDER in the simple setences:

"Who did you speak to?" [formal usage: "Whom did you speak to?" or better "To whom did you speak?"]

"It was me." [formal demands: "It was I."]

"Who" in "Who is this?" falls in the "subject slot" (according to the common "SVO" pattern), and so ends up using the "subject form" that is 'who' rather than 'whom'. And the "me" of "It's me" falls in the "object slot", so uses the "object form". Grammarians trying to make English follow LATIN rules of case may object, but English is NOT Latin, and refuses to be pushed into the Latin model.

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So, how do we decide when to use "who" and "whom"?

Again. I do NOT agree on the simple "substitution" rule. It is useful for distinguishing "you and I" (subject) from "you and me" (object), and it may be "formally" correct for who/whom, but thanks to the minimizing of case forms in English, scarcely anyone actually SPEAKS that way (and if they do, they get odd looks!) In fact, I sincerely doubt that those who have given you this sort of answer even try to follow it consistently.

Incidentally, note here that I'm focusing mainly on IN-formal use, that is, everyday speech. And we must remember that when informal differs from formal that does NOT mean the informal use is "wrong"! (Nor is it "uneducated" or "slang".) It's simply different! (And, as I noted above, it is based on a basic feature of English, viz., the importance of word order.)

So here is my basic rule of thumb, which is based on normal English WORD ORDER. For normal, informal use, that is, outside of formal writing (where someone demands it of you!):

Feel free to use "who" in ALL instances --whether as subject or object-- EXCEPT when you the word falls IMMEDIATELY after a preposition (where by definition it cannot be the subject). In that instance use "whom". Thus we say "TO whoM it may concern", "WITH whoM are you speaking?", "FOR whoM the bell tolls". But when the preposition is moved we say things like "who are you speaking with?". Of course, most English speakers simply avoid the preceding preposition as much as possible, since it too sounds "stuffy".

Answer 5

A lot of good answers here. Especially Imaka.
I Cr 13;8a

Answer 6

If you are addressing a letter, you say: To Whom it may concern.

If you are answering to door, you say: Who is it? or Who's there?

Answer 7

whom is past tense, formal
who is present tense, informal
but they are interchangable
ex: to whom did you wish to speak to
who do you wish to speak to