Me and the father aren't together. He says he's going to be there for the baby no matter what... If it's his(That statement makes me mad). And if he hasn't really been here for me this whole time, why should I give him his last name? But....... I love his family and I know that he will be there for his baby because he was raised right and knows better. But then again I feel like I carried this baby for nine months and I went through all the hard times by myself for my baby. And he was never here for me. And I'm going to be the one having this baby. So I don't know. If my baby is going to be with me most of the time, he should have my name too, right? So what would you do? Father's last name? Mother's last name? Or father's then mother's? Or mother's then father's?
2007-11-11 04:12:49 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Baby Names
We were not together..... Are not together now..... And will never be together. Or married.
2007-11-11 04:27:54 · update #1
im having exactly the same problem at the moment the dad just assumes shell have his surname but i dont see why she should shes gona be living with me and my family and when she goes to school etc i want her to have my name but hes saying im acting like hes got no rights. mayeb if he paid more attention id give him some i know shell see him and his family but im carrying her, im giving birth and im her mum so i want her to have mine. if we were married it would be simple but the way it is shes my baby hes not having to put any effort in why should he be rewarded?
2007-11-11 04:22:15 · answer #1 · answered by katy h 3 · 0⤊ 4⤋
That's up to you, you could put him down as the father but let baby have your last name only. I put him down as the father and gave my son his last name and his dad signed the birth certificate, I wasn't ready to get married at the time and thought we might later and we did, so he didn't have to adopt him he was already consider the father since it was on the birth certificate, by the way we've been married 30 yrs next month........good luck!!!! Edit answer: If he isn't in your or your baby's life he is still responsible for your child financially, make he pay child support, it's hard on a single mother out there.......
2007-11-11 04:22:32 · answer #2 · answered by Greeneyes 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well my brother has in this same situation with a woman he tried over and over to be there for and she always said she did not need help. I feel like if the father is going to be there and help raise that baby no matter what that baby should have his last name. In most cases woman are selfish and want their name in? why you may get married one day and then your child does not have your name no more...
2007-11-11 04:43:26 · answer #3 · answered by MizZ Shawty 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
In cases where the parents will likely not be together, and the mother will be the primary caregiver, it generally makes sense they share the mother's surname.
It's not a simple question of him "being there" or not, though the fact that he feels the need to add "if it's mine" every time would make me a bit wary of his "good intentions." ;)
Giving the child your last name is simply a practical decision. Not only can you not guarantee this man will be a good, active father figure, but also in light of simple, everyday issues that are bound to arise. It's much less a hassle when the primary caregiver -- the one who will be transporting the child to and from school, signing off on homework, field trips and medical forms and most likely be called in case of an emergency -- shares that child's last name. In most situations, you couldn't even take your own child on a simple trip to Canada or Mexico without at least a signed note of "permission" from the same-surnamed parent. Complications that can be avoided by simply giving the infant the surname of the parent he or she will be living with a majority of the time.
In certain cases, where the parents have a wonderful relationship (despite not being "together"), and there's no question of the man's intent to follow through, I can certainly support passing along the father's last name. But especially in a case where the man is contesting paternity (jokingly or not!) and might only "be there" for the child BECAUSE his family will ensure it ... well it doesn't quite seem he's earned that priviledge, if you follow. ;) It seems your own surname might be the most logical decision.
2007-11-11 04:29:38 · answer #4 · answered by Irish Mommy 6 · 0⤊ 3⤋
well, no contest here babe, the baby should have your last name for definite but you could choose to 'double-barrel' it with his name (if you feel he has done enough for you & the baby both during the pregnancy, birth & leading up to registering the birth).although on the other hand you have gone through all the hard part by yourself and as for the "IF ITS MINE" he uses he doesnt deserve to have his name as the main last name of the child but should show his devotion to the child as from yesterday really and support you with it even tho you are not together and never have been etc etc.
You can also change the last name within a certain amount of time after registering the birth anyway if you should change your mind.
Hope this has been of some use. xx
2007-11-11 05:11:22 · answer #5 · answered by Friendly-Girlie 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
In my case I wasnt married with my first child but planned on getting married later so I put the fathers last name, and then we married so.....But since you arent with him I wouldn't do the fathers last name only. I would probably do both if I knew for fact he was always gonna be apart of the baby's life. If I was in doubt I would just do my last name. If you do both names I would do his then mine. Why? Ima not sure, maybe because when saying the name mine would be the last name to hear. My husband is an example of someone having two last names and he doesn't mind at all eventhough it is a little long. Congrats on the baby though!!!
2007-11-11 04:27:15 · answer #6 · answered by Brit 3 · 0⤊ 3⤋
If it was me I would give the baby my last name! And I would not let him have a say in the first name of the baby - (such cheak - "if it's his"...) choose something you like...
As a middle (first) name you could choose something from his family (or even his name if it's a boy) so s/he has a connection to his/her paternal side. You like his family so maybe his mother or father's first name as a middle name?
But since you are not together and are not going to be, give the baby the same surname as yours.
2007-11-11 04:46:57 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
You should give the baby your last name in case you loose touch with the father. Plus it will be less awkard when you do meet the guy your going to marry
2007-11-11 18:39:04 · answer #8 · answered by forever love 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Give the Baby YOUR last name. If and when you file for child support, the courts will give him the option of changing the childs last name. He may not even want the baby to have his name. Especially since he is saying "If it's mine"
2007-11-11 05:11:10 · answer #9 · answered by NikkiNTexas 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Give the baby your last name...no question about it. I like Evanlah's idea of using the father's name as your baby's middle name, if you want to give him some credit and some history for your child. But for your child's sake, definitely give him/her your own last name...it gives your child a sense of identity down the road to the parent who cared primarily for him/her...YOU!
2007-11-11 04:54:56 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
You should give the baby your last name. If the father is not going to be supportive he doesn't need to give the child hsi last name.
2007-11-11 04:33:14 · answer #11 · answered by CrazyGirl 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋