how do i change for him?

Question

My husband and I are very unalike. The love of my life is a cute clean cut guy working with important people with his own image set out for others. I’m...different. He says there is absolutely nothing wrong with me and that he loves me the way I am. He wouldn’t ever lie to me but why do I feel like I owe him something?
He studied overseas in a law firm, I was lucky to get out of high school. I wear ALOT of pink all over which I’m starting to see isn't really normal. I’m a waitress at a cute cafe. I’m 5’2”, my figure is great, and so I’m not worrying about that. He says he likes my hair and it’s up to me if I’m going to change it. Its lavender for god’s sake! I like it, I guess he does, but the reason I really want to change is whenever I go to his office to drop off his lunch, I see his friends making faces and talking in private. I’m thinking that he'd be embarrassed to be with a walking crayon. I get embarrassed too because his office is the only place I ever get that feeling. I’m really not much at all, I just want him to be proud of what he's got because he makes me so happy
I heard he had stood up for me before, I felt so grateful at the time. But now it’s made me realize, does he get criticized at work? He never says anything about the subject to me when I ask about his day.

Another reason for me is that in his office, there are a lot of girls just like him. Pretty, clean, cut, people and I sometimes wonder would he ever cheat on me?

Answer 1

so far its only in your head, dress nicer if you want to and only for you, if he married you he knew what he was getting into and he still love it, unless he's told you he doesnt. try and talk to him about it and make a change only if you want to do it not anyone else.

Answer 2

It doesn't sound like you need to change for him - but maybe you need to change for yourself. If you're not comfortable with your style any more, maybe it is time to change. Perhaps you've just reached a new stage in your life. If you want to update your wardrobe a little, try going to Ann Taylor. They have lots of great clothes there, both fun and more conservative, but all quite classy. The sales women there are usually very helpful as well - they can help you to build an outfit and find pieces that work for you.

If you really like the style you have now, then stop worrying! Obviously your husband loves you for who you are. Screw what other people think! ;-)

In the end, I think it comes down to what will make you feel your best and most confident. I'm sure your husband wants you to feel good about yourself :-)

Answer 3

Sometimes there's just no explaining either love or taste. Try growing up a little. A good sign of maturity is to be able to see yourself as others see you and if you don't like what you see, make some changes.

Will you go to office Christmas party looking cool, suave and sophiticated or in Halloween costume?

Answer 4

Something is wrong with this post. You say that you were lucky to get out of high school, but your spelling and grammar are flawless. Your criticisms of yourself are things that, if you were truly worried about them, you could easily change. I'm guessing you weren't born with lavender hair, for example.

I'm just saying.

Answer 5

Opposites do attract. And if he is proud of you the way you are why would you ever change. Sounds to me like you got yourself a good man, who loves you just the way you are. And those feelings of not measuring up well if it doens't bother him then why should it bother you. Don't compare yourself to those girls,cuz if he wanted to be with them he would have, he chose you so remember that.

Answer 6

Wait a second here girl.....Does your husband want you to change? Maybe he likes you just the way you are. A good husband does not want his wife to change and vise versa. Sounds like you want to change yourself. That is fine but people don't change for someone else. That just isn't cool. We all should accept each other the way we are. I think that you are embarrassed whenever you go to your husbands workplace, and therefore you want to change for your self. So change if that is what you want to do. It sounds like your husband loves you just the way you are. His friends making faces and all that stuff shows very bad character on their part. Don't change for them for sure. Do it if you want to. (smile)

Answer 7

Have you ever heard the sane that opposites attract there you go you and your husband and he loves you for who you are and don't care much about what people think of you and your appearance. You don't have to change to please others your husband loves you just the way you are as long as he is proud of you and happy that he is your husband than i wouldn't be to worry about him cheating on me. If your husband is criticized at work he knows how to handle himself
and put others in their place don't worry just go on and be you.

best of luck

Answer 8

Try to rememebr that he married you because of the way you are and who you are. He sounds like an intelligent person who knows what he is doing and what he wants. Believe him when he says that he loves you and that there is nothing wrong with you or else he would ask you to not go to his office.

Do not expect the people in his office to understand. You are different from them, but that is what makes you unique to him. People in general are not easily accepting of people who they perceive are different from them. Maybe overtime, some of the people in the office will take the time to get to know you and find out exactly why your husband loves you and will accept you for who you are. One can only hope. Unfortunately, it is a sad and expected part of human nature use established stereotypes to prejudge people when they are different be it based on looks, race, obese, anorexic, gay,young, old etc

Maybe your husband does get "ribbed" by his co-workers, but he seems to at least not care or else he would ask you to not drop by. From this email, I believe more that you are doubting yourself and maybe also the strength of his love for you. You have to remember that he must have been around plenty of pretty cute "clean- cut" girls before this job, but he chose to marry you.

You love him very much as evident from the fact that " you feel you owe him something." Trust in his love, treat him well and please talk to him. Discuss openly with him about your questions concerning his co-workers and the possible ribbings he gets about you. Maybe discuss your concerns of the pretty girls in his office and that you fear he would fall for one of them.

Just know that the doubts and fear that youu have about him falling possibly for another girl is a fairly commonl concern for many relationships at one time or another but are probably more prevalent because of your perceived marked differences in level of education and style of dress. Power to all the people who have degress and I will not take anything away from them for their accomplishments. But your lack of college degree does not mean your any less intelligent than the people in his office. They have the expertise in their field of study. But you also have your own fields of expertise received from your own life experiences Good common sense, respect for others even when they are different from your self, and being open to ideas outside the so called "norm" are wonderful assets and canot be found in books alone. Don't try to change your self or adjust your looks to please "his co-workers." You will be miserable and this will also make him miserable as well. Believe in your self and in his love for you and in your love for him.

Answer 9

in my marriage i had this problem i felt very out of place and what i tried was to compare myself with my insecurities and try and shut those things . So what if you look like a walking crayon you can do what ever you want

Answer 10

You have to be comfortable with who you are.

And that's for your whole life.

If this guys likes who you are - great! And if he does, is changing who you are (or trying to change) going to help things or hurt things?

I tend to like people who are unique. People who don't do what EVERYBODY else is doing, you know?

And maybe we like unique people because they have the courage to do what we'd like to be doing.

All I really know is this: If you try to change who you are based on what others think of you, it will make you miserable. There are just too many 'others' to please.

So be happy with who you are. And if he really likes you, he'll stick around.

Best of luck!