Hi. My husband and I have decided a while ago that we will not have children as I am on a prescription that I choose not to discontinue that could harm a fetus. We are saving money so that adoption can be an option for us in a few years. We have already told his sister this and she reacted very poorly.
His parents keep bringing up the kid thing, so what is the best way to just say it?
I don't have a good relationship with them, but they are my husband's family...
We're 32.
Thanks for any insight or experiences?
2007-11-11 02:59:35 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yes, the prescription is necessary. It's an antidepressant that I've have had tremendously good results with after a few tries with other stuff.
2007-11-11 03:10:36 · update #1
This is just my opinion but, I personally think you have done a great thing here.
Who cares what your family thinks? No really. This is something I have to learn for myself. (It is much better to tell someone that then to take the advice yourself. I know) it is between you and your husband whether you want kids or not.
You made a great decision. You have concerns that this medication might harm the baby. I commend you guys for doing the right thing! (I would do the same, honestly)
The plus here is, you even said that you two are saving to adopt in the future. God knows how many children out there that need a family to raise them and take care of them.
Without even knowing you, I am proud of you. Forget the family. They can't stew over it forever. In fact, if you like, TELL THEM what I just said about your medication. It is what you believe, and a valid point.
Good luck and God bless you gal. :)
2007-11-11 03:11:31 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
Well you could explain that you dont fell the need to have a child that is related to you, explain that you fell that there are so many children in the world that need a good mum and dad that will love theme. And say that you want to adpot because you will both love the child the same and it will be the same to the both of you. You might as well expalin that you are on medication that could harm the fetous, and say that you dont fell that this is very loving a responsible to be pregrant whilst on the medication, but say you cannot stop tacking it. And as such adoption is the best soulation.
Just say what you think, its your choice not theres, anyway most people dont have children untill they are in there late 30, when they have a bit more money.
And at the end of the day, you will still be a mum and dad, and your husbands parents will still be grandparents.
2007-11-11 03:07:56 · answer #2 · answered by a 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think perhaps its your husband's responsibility to tell them. Its his family and he'll know best how to talk to them. Then if they do react badly he can shield you from that and make sure they get over it before they next see you.
Adoption is a wonderful, honourable thing to do and your choice to do that can be presented as a positive to them, and something to be admired. They will still have a grandchild.
They may never get over their loss of a genetic grandchild, to see themselves and their son in another generation, but you don't owe them anything and they have no right to make you feel bad for not giving that to them.
Hopefully they have other children to make grandchildren for them!
2007-11-11 03:09:40 · answer #3 · answered by jayjay 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
if the prescription is something that you and your doctor feel is not safe to go off of, then explain that to them. tell them, you still want kids, and will adopt, but because of your health, you don't feel safe carrying a child, and would love to give a child who has no family a home. there are so many children out there, that aren't wanted. I knew someone who adopted his children and one of them at the age of like 8 had gotten teased for being adopted, and you know what she said.."your parents had to keep you, my parents chose me". It doesn't matter if a child is blood related or not, you love it because you can and you want to. genes don't mean anything. be honest with your in-laws, say this is our decision if you don't accept it then fine, but we would still love for you to be apart of the child's life if you choose to do so.
2007-11-11 03:13:54 · answer #4 · answered by *<3_Gizmo* 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
It really isn't their business in whether you choose to have children or not...or even how you go about having children if you choose to...
You need to take care of you....and if that means taking prescription antidepressants then by all means you should....Good to know that you care enough about not wanting to harm a baby by getting pregnant while taking these meds....As long as you and your husband are untied in your decision to have children and how...then I wouldn't worry about disclosing your plans to others...not until you are ready to....especially since your sister in law reacted poorly when you told her...
2007-11-11 03:06:42 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 1⤋
If you and your husband have truly both made this decision then he needs to be the one to tell his parents.
The next time they bring it up just tell them flat out we are not having children....we may adopt later on down the road.
Remember this is your life between you and your husband.
You both took some sort of vows to be together and reguardless of what others think you need to live your life the way you want to.
Good Luck
2007-11-11 03:06:26 · answer #6 · answered by crazymacaroon 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
If the decision is equal, not to have children, than the solution is that your husband should tell your in-laws. As you stated, you don't have a good relationship with them anyway, so it his place to tell them of his, and your choice.
2007-11-11 03:07:53 · answer #7 · answered by Buddy2007 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i was adopted it is a great thing to do and better then caring a baby and all that pain anyways. i had 4 and it hurts....lol...go ahead and put in paper work now it takes years to get a child by adoption OK good luck you will love the adopted one the same.....and they will get over it.......
2007-11-11 03:31:24 · answer #8 · answered by daisy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Children are to be expected when you get married. That is the whole point.
But if you are not wanting children then that is your choice.
However, it will hurt your in laws because you both robbed them from ever being grandparents. It will take them some getting use to. Be prepared for some negative feed back.
Make sure that adopting a child is what you seriously want to do. -If you both do this, then make sure that this is what both of you want and that you are not doing this just to make the in laws happy, because you will only end up hurting the child. -Good luck.
2007-11-11 03:07:54 · answer #9 · answered by †Evonne† 7 · 0⤊ 4⤋
You flat out tell them, this is something you and your husband have talked about, you can adopt you know, something to think about.
2007-11-11 03:28:53 · answer #10 · answered by kim t 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋