my job does not take me out of town alot. We have 2 handsome sons, nice new house, I thought pretty good sex life (I get her off about 95% of the time), she bartends and I'm a drug rep, I really thought she was happy????
2007-11-11 02:12:39 · 34 answers · asked by Dopemane 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You have two options: Forgive her and move forward or divorce her and get on with your life.
But I have to tell you this: When a woman has sex with another man, it's not usually because the sex in the marriage is bad. It's a symptom that she's missing something else. Either she's bored (not necessarily in bed), feels unappreciated, unattractive or taken advantage of.
Guys always think that a woman cheats because she wants sex. 99% of the time that is untrue. Women cheat mostly because they don't feel that their spouse values them.
My suggestion? Ask her. And then really listen. No matter what she says, just sit there and really listen. Don't defend yourself, or point fingers. Just listen. You might be surprised at what the answer is.
If it looks like there is hope for the relationship, then get some counseling from a counselor that is committed to healing the marriage, not finding a way to end it.
I would have her quit that job. A bar is no place for a married woman who is having marital problems. There is too much temptation. And throw in alcohol and it's a bad mix. If she really wants to save the marriage, I would make that a condition.
And lastly, I'm sorry to have to tell you this but...women fake it. You might think she's having the big O but there is a good chance that she's faking it. Don't feel bad. Nearly all women do it and nearly none of the men know it. Don't use an orgasm as a measure by which to determine if she is happy in bed. ASK her!
And finally, when was the last time the two of you had fun? I mean really silly fun, like you were dating fun? When did you last go out somewhere that didn't involve dinner or other people? A lot of couples I know that have problems don't take the time to actually have fun with each other and get silly. I personally think lack of fun in a marriage is at least 75% responsible for most of the divorces these days.
Take her out and go to an arcade and play wack a mole or DDR. Go bowling. Rent a hotel room and swim in the pool together. Go roller blading. Play with clay....do fun stuff together that doesn't involve either food or the expectation of sex. See what happens
Good luck! I hope it works out for you.
2007-11-11 03:20:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 7⤊ 0⤋
If you really love her you wont divorce her just yet .Talk with her and put yourself in her situation ,try to be as fair and unbiased as possible.Before you even start the discussion prepare to forgive her if at the end of the discussion your forgiving spirit just cant allow you to forgive her then give each other a break.
I am married ten years now and am 34 yrs old whenever i think about my husband sleeping with another this is the solution i think up but am already prepare to stay in the marriage i wont get separated or divorce unless he want it
Also to address the person who comment that once a cheater always a cheater that is not always true.I am not a cheater yet and if my husband do what i want soon i probably will never be.However if he insist on doing only what the church approve in bedroom am gonna cheat once probably take the whole day but am gonna do it to experience what am missing,and i know after i get that experience i wont cheat again.
problem is am guilty already and i don't even do it yet
2014-08-14 13:04:06 · answer #2 · answered by Tara 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand completely how u are feeling, it's the most devastating feeling to know that your partner or significant other are screwing someone else, it's the most painful feeling you'll endures in life, well, therefore several options u can choose to make, either stay and put up with it and learn to forgive, but there is a consequence u will be paying, it will eat u inside up, it will drive crazy and yet along with the sadness and depression , and also wondering why and why wanting answer and therefore an other option is too just held your head up and don't look back ever again, you severe better u cannot torture yourself
2007-11-11 04:01:18 · answer #3 · answered by paoddow 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Husband listen there is a reason why your wife may have slept with someone else find out what the real reason is and if you can forgive her in your heart than you will be able to move pass this. But if you cant for give her in your heart than i don't know how you will be able to go on forgiveness comes from the heart. and in time god heals the rest. You claim that you have two children together and work but your job does'nt take you out of town a lot right and to your sex life is fine.
something is missing in this relationshipthat would cost someone to commit adultrey
best of luck
2007-11-11 05:30:24 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Go find some of the many, many articles (both scholarly and otherwise) that explain just how dangerous encouraging closer ties with a crush can be to a marriage and get her to read them. Then ask her if she still thinks that you're wrong to be concerned by what she's suggesting or unreasonable in your requests. If she won't budge, then counseling is in order before this goes any further. Crushes happen, but people in healthy and happy relationships use them as a signal to encourage renewed intimacy with their spouses, not make said spouse feel insecure and inadequate.
2016-03-14 08:16:00 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, first off, how did you find out? If she confessed, and feels badly about it and is looking for forgiveness, then, your marriage doesn't have to end. You two can work through it.
Well, either way, your marriage doesn't have to end if you don't want it too. You just found out, so I imagine, you are still sort of in shock, almost like this is unreal. Give it a couple of days and think about the situation, talk with her and go from there.
2007-11-11 02:19:19 · answer #6 · answered by Lovebug123 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Generally speaking, women cheat for different reasons than men. You need to sit down and discuss with her what is lacking in your relationship. You may have a great sex life, but it is possible there was something else she wasnt getting from you that she got from this other man.
You should discuss it with her. If she can tell you why she cheated, and you are confident that you can work it out, then you should. But if she can't after careful examination tell you why she did it, it may mean its time for you two split.
Good luck to you.
2007-11-11 02:20:17 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Questions....Are you 100% sure she has only had sex with just one man? What makes you think/feel she won't do it again ?.If I were in your shoes....my wife would be out the door. Sorry for sounding mean...but I was in your shoes and did try to forgive and forget...What did I get in return ? You guessed right.
2007-11-11 04:56:43 · answer #8 · answered by R W 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The two of you should have a sit down. Obviously something is lacking in the marriage or with her, for that matter that she has to look outside the marriage for what she perceives is missing.
This is not to defend her, but as human beings, we are flawed, sometimes quirky, looking for validation, etc., sometimes nothing more than stupid.
It doesn't sound like you are ready to give up on the marriage over this, but the two of you definitely have some things to talk about.
2007-11-11 02:21:43 · answer #9 · answered by drewxjacobs 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
most likely she is happy but some men and women get caught up in a situation and it is exciting that someone is paying attention the opportunity is there and before you know it hot sex is going on and when it is over she did not plan for you to find out . give her another chance you say you get her off 95 % of the time but is that when you are in the mood how about when she is in the mood and you are not
2007-11-11 04:22:02 · answer #10 · answered by bjrj812 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋