What do I do with crazy mama when papa dies?

Question

my father is 71 and obese.
My mama thinks he will die anytime

She suffers from paranoid schizophrenia and has been a violent, hot-tempered person most of my life. In recent years, after having major psychotic breakdowns, she got nicer while on the meds. She is starting to go off them again and getting crankier.

She basically said when papa dies, if I don't move in with her, she will commit suicide. I told her I can't live with her b/c of the bad past. I still see a shrink to get over the crap I went through with her.
I take her suicidal words serious b/c her brother and my half-brother both followed through.

I've tried to talk her into a nice retirement community, since she has decent money, and she could be around others, but she doesn't seem interested.

My shrink told me throw her in a home for the insane. She met my mama and my mama treated the shrink pretty bad.

What would you do if you were in my shoes?

I do love my mama very much despite the past, I dn't blame her for being sick...though her sickness has screwed me up as an adult!

Answer 1

Ok, the next time she tells you if you don't move in with she will hurt herself, put your foot down. Tell her you love her and care about her but that you will not be moving in with her and if wants to or tells you that she is going to hurt herselfs because you say no, then tell her that you will be forced to put her in protective custody via an MIW. An MIW is a Mental Inquest Warrant. The police will take her into protective custody so that she cannot hurt herself and taken to the hosiptal to be evaluated and treated on an impatient basis if needed or sent to a facility that will be best for her needs. She cannot refuse the MIW or be checked out of the hospital be her own will unless you authorize it or she is found to be mentally healthy and will not harm herself. You can file an MIW at your local county clerks office/court house.

Answer 2

You can only be walked all over if you lay down. What she does with her life is her concern, and whatever you do, don't let her manipulate you into moving in with her. Just because she was able to reproduce, doesn't make her a mother and mothers don't threaten to kill themselves if their kids don't do what they want. I would ignore her until your dad actually dies, and with any luck, she'll be too old to be able to handle her own affairs and then you can find a nice assisted living environment that will work for both of you.

Answer 3

Tips
- Ask your papa to help you
-ask an advisor what to do
-take her to the docto - they might be able to give her some medicene to calm her down
- maybe you can live with her and after you find a way to talk the sense into her you can move out on your own.
- ask her why she wants you to move in with her
- Have her have a treatment
- tell her that you love her and you really would like to live with her. tell her that you are concerned about your future and you are too busy to take care of her so you will need to move out by yourself so you can have a family, and you can have your own space and have more room to think.

I have a question:
Does she care about you?
If she doesn't you may want to get some help b/c she may hurt you on purpose.

I hope this helps. I hope your mom gets better.

Answer 4

Listen to your shrink. He's a professional and has probably seen this situation before and knows how it turns out badly when you try to care for someone who is mentally ill. It doesn't mean you have to write her off. Go visit just like you do now.
Good luck and best wishes.

Answer 5

No, your mother did not screw you up - you probably aren't screwed up. She also didn't make you go talk about being screwed up to a third party in a relationship that is between parents and son. If you don't be careful you will end up losing it and on drugs yourself...get with the program the drugs are big funds ok and some of them are causing huge legal and physical health problems which is no secret - therefore diagnosis can be dangerous to those who don't watch their back or are just struggling to sort things out. I was told to put my mother in the hospital long ago...she then committed herself several times but I'll tell ya what they've done nothing but make things worse. That is how they get ya - it happens. How can this shrink say your mother needs to go to an institution when your mother could be miffed at her for reacting to your living in the past while she's trying to move forward. Deal only with now. I'm thinking that could put a real damper on your mother's efforts today and that shrink knows it - she needs to keep her job doesn't she? And that she could very easily be a he in another family or situation. The relationship between mom/son is just that in what ever order you want to put it and big one here: positive and truth starting with you are a person and your parents are people.

This is how it goes. Don't live in the past - go by present..is there room for growth? The people you are dealing with are "nobody can change" people you call shrinks. If you continue to keep living there you will continue to keep spending money on the system that wants you to live there without change/growth despite they call themselves "help". Sorry hon, but not everyone on this planet is sick. Try and have more respect for yourself and spend your days creating positive in your life and within your relationships. Anti-family is all over the place and they prey on people's pasts or made up ones to cause rift $$$$. Positive would mean to be and think outside that box starting today. Your father is heavy maybe it's fact, your mom and dad might not have such a good relationship or maybe they do - stay out of marital issues and you do note about your dad like he's in the distance, why? If he is lazy in his relationships with you it may mean he's been lazy in his relationship with everyone including your mother ...maybe she didn't do anything about everything and her nerves flew but for you could work on adult efforts into adult relationships. I know a lazy dad is not positive for a son to see as you might have a problem relating to women without trying to control them if your dad is a grouchy person BUT we are all responsibile to work on our issues. Beat it before it beats you by sorting and taking responsibility where you need to and move forward which you CAN do. Find your interests, try relate to mom/dad with shared interests and find other positives in your life and no you do not have to move in with your parents. Spend positive family time - preserve family but no. If one of my sons came home it would be due to some sort of emergency and I'd tell him yes, but your coming home to leave. Big diff...I'm only 40s and so not an elderly parent.

Answer 6

Through her in the nut house

Answer 7

I'd tell her if you want to kill yourself go right ahead. But I'm going to live and in my own place by MYSELF.

Answer 8

stay away from her so she wouldn't hurt me & put her in a place that would keep her on suicide watch

Answer 9

Why dont you try and give her a maid and afford the expenses ?