Please please give me some advice before I go mad! In-law problems! :O)?

Question

I hope some1 can give me advice on this,it has really upset me.I love my boyfriend of 2 years so much and always got on with his family loads but recently I feel attacked n Im sure they dn't like me.
First something happened where I havent got enough room to type about in this box but I was upset about it,my bf was joking about something and i made one tiny totally inoffensive joke and my bf got a bit of a horrible text about me about it 2 days later. I don't really understand why.
N this week,I was excited2go2my bf's half brother's baby's christening but coz I study a degree in 3 foreign languages and I also go2college,I hav had the worst 2 weeks ever!2 exams&6 essays in 2 weeks!Isaid to my bf sorry but I dnt think I physically hav the time to go n he understood.But his brother kicked off saying I got my priorities wrong and Im tight and if it was him he wouldnt hand the work in but it is my degree and i dont want to fail!I cant deal with this its not my family!Am I the wrong?! xox

the other daughter in laws dont study they just work and come home and that is the end of their day. My bf is the only one to study and he gets upset by them a lot too when his brother says "How have you sat in that room for 2 days!!" and he says "ERM STUDYING FOR MY DEGREE" and they say he is never there for family things but he is, he just doesnt have hardly enough free time like them. My family support us both and if we are really busy they say "I am so proud of you doing all this work". Maybe I need to distance myself (As sad as that is) because I am under so much stress at the moment and so is my bf and when people dont understand that it can be very upsetting because it just adds to the stress I suppose. x

Hi! I notice people think it is my boyfriend being horrible and its not (sorry if my typing was muddled)
My bf sticks up for me more than anything he is such a star. He says to me he gets the same grief all the time. But I am not family.. I am not him and it upsets me! I love my bf more than the world and he is perfect.. thats why the inlaw thing bothers me so much x

Answer 1

No you definately are not in the wrong here! You are trying to make a something of yourself and build up a career for yourself in the future, there is nothing wrong with that. As for not being able to attend the Christening, well thats also not your fault, its not as if the Christening would be competely ruined or come to a hault if you werent there, it seems to me they're picking on you because your different from them e.g. planning your future and doing something to better yourself. They obviously seem to be upsetting you and i think you should discuss this with your bf and ask him to either speak to them about this or avoid any contact with them as much as possible, I dont think backing off with your bf would be a good thing as thats exactly what his family want, you probably dont get to spend a lot of time with him anyway because you both study and by the sounds of it really like each other. Just ignore his families comments and concentrate on your exams.

Good Luck and hope things work out! = ]

Answer 2

I think that he was just upset because this was important to him that you were there for support. But what they don't understand is what is important to you in your life. I would try to keep ahead of your schoolwork as much as possible. If you make plans with family friends etc. Try to do a little extra work earlier in the week so that you don't get bogged down with a lot of schoolwork. But I think you are right in your priorities, just work on the time management and you will have a little less stress and a little less angry family. If they can't support your efforts in school than they probably aren't the ones you should be around or let bother you. Thos that do support understand what is going on in your life and those are the ones you should keep close for support and encouragement.

Answer 3

Honey your boyfriend is the only one who has to be able to live with your schedule besides you. Anything that anyone else has to say is irrelevant. It sounds like none of them have ever had to deal with trying to get an extended education so they have no idea about priorities. I hope your boyfriend is willing to stick by you and back you up but these other people need to stop being so critical about someone trying to start a promising life. Ignore the ignorant and you and your boyfriend continue your relationship no matter what they have to say.

Answer 4

When you marry someone you marry the whole family. They then legally become your in-laws. So if there is a riff now it will only get worse later. Dump them all now. Your degree is your entire future. If you give that up you have given up every thing. After you get your degree you can go back to finding a decent bf and family. One that welcomes you and your career choice.

Answer 5

It sounds like if you guys may need to both distance yourselfs. Have him explain to his family the importance of education and tell them that you guys are sorry that you aren't around much and that as soon as school is over you will be around more. Sounds like a good guy, don't lose him just because his family doesn't understand.

Answer 6

no, you are not.

it's not like he is dieing and you are typing away instad of stopping him bleeding.

So it's him and his behavior. He is jealous and tryies to push you. it's like what child does when he tries to cry whenever he doesn't get what he wants and see if his parents will bye it.

if your boyfiends is a loving one, he will support you during this hard time - come and cook a dinner for you. If he is so selfish, but you didn't see it before ask yourself again whehter you love him as much in this new light.
Manipulating is not what should get from a serious relationship.

As to IN-LOWS, they should be the same. it's not like you are missing YOUR baby's Christening and your own.

His brother should watch and judge himself, not you, he is not the God to judge YOU.

You degree is very important indeed. I have one in languages myself so I know what it takes!
It might happen that this boyfriend might not last for ever.
but your degree will last as long as you leave.

The parent usually are happy when they see their childred happy and well, so time will settle a lot.

but if YOU are not happy because of his family and if get you THAT much, think whether it's really worth it. it might not, especially if he lets them bully you, his love.

Answer 7

You are definitely NOT wrong at all. Studies and your boyfriend comes first.

Thats getting your priorities right. Well what you can do is try to get along by not just smiling at them.

But rather, learn how they function and their likes and dislikes. Then you can do the appropriate things for them and send likeable gifts.

ALSO, if you do not go to a gathering, send a gift if you fear their wrath. Its courteous, apologetic, and very nice of you. (Be sure to send a nice gift too) good luck getting along!

Answer 8

Take it from me...they're narrow minded and you may be better off with someone else. If you hang around, drama, judgment, resentment. If u end up marrying this guy, you marry his family and end up with every good and bad thing about them. You have to deal with his family. They're a part of the package. If they don't understand the value of an education, its like marrying beneath yourself. Is your bf your true equal? Ask yourself that.

Answer 9

If the relationship is getting too unbearable and hard to handle, then back off and give him some space. Stop visiting him and calling him. Give him some time to miss you and appreciate you.

Being in love is supposed to be simple and relaxed, if it's not a nice situation, then CHANGE the situation! :-)

Cheers

Answer 10

Sounds to me your priorities are right where they need to be! Your degree is going to bebefit you him, the child you might be an aunt to someday! Good Luck, never let nosey inlaws dictate your priorities!