gfs sexual abuse by dad?

Question

Ive been dating a girl for about a year. She is sweet, meek and extremely shy. We were discussing child abuse a week ago and I could tell it was hitting a nerve with her. I pressed for more information and I learned that between 3 and 12 her dad would come in her room and rape her. Ive met her dad, and he really is kind of creepy, I can put everything in perspective now. He is like a walking skeleton, mising teeth, no emotions, always retreating into her families basement etc. She also told me that at 20 ( we are in mid 30s ) she gave up a child for adoption and has another child from a marriage that was a complete joke. The guy didnt work, was emotionally and physically abusive, still doesnt pay her a dime although she fights to no avail to make him conform etc. The truth is in the past I would have pressed the eject button and left as soon as I heard all of this. I pray about it and god tells me to stick around, show compassion and be at her side. It all feels really unusual

Im not really a bible thumper but I do feel this overwhelming to not run, to let her know she is not alone ( which probably influenced allot of her bad choices, that feeling of powerlessness and being alone) to let her know that she has me to tell her its okay and to face these type of issues. Admittedly the whole thing kind of freaks me out, but she is such a good sincere soul, that Im really considering not running, taking a deep breath and standing by her side. All this thinking about staying and working through things is really making me feel uneasy as it is highly unusual for me. In the past , Ive been so selfish and self absorbed that if something got too difficult or didnt measure up to my perception of normal, Id be out of there in a second. She has a child, an abusive father and ex husband, but it isnt scaring me at all. Im feeling that she needs me to be there for her etc. Im just wondering if all of these thoughts are true love,?? age??? not too sure about how to feel

Answer 1

You are a very loving and kind man to stand by her! I will be praying for healing for your poor girlfriend. I will be praying for God's will in both your lives. May the Lord bless you both!

†In His Service Prayer Warrior†

Answer 2

I don't think that you should just walk away from her. Her childhood was awful. The "mistakes" that she has made, were a result as to what happened to her as a child! If she was able to confide in you, and tell you all this stuff , then she must love you! It's really hard to talk about things like this. Maybe she didn't tell you b4 cause she didn't want to scare you off, or to think that she is a horrible person!? And yes, when one has been abused like this, at times they do blame themselves. I pray that you will stand by her and get her into some kind of therapy. It will help! You should go with her after she goes alone a few times. :)

Answer 3

that's disgusting and in the adventure that your mom would not have self assurance then you definitely she isn't in high quality condition to guard you and deffinatly not the doorstep dad. Is your genuine dad in the photograph? or a grandma/grandpa? U ought to call the police this weekend or each time he isn't around or bypass outdoors for a 'stroll' and make contact with them and only consult from them approximately it reason this isnt gonna supply up till u take action reason u mom is being an fool for not believing u that's ill. Dont dedicate suicide ive been there carried out that and actually think of approximately how incredible existence would be whilst ur 18 and u would be loose so why kill urself whilst ur 13? in basic terms like 5 years and ur loose for yet another sixty ;) Goodluck and that i wish u get help

Answer 4

You are going to need to be by her side through a lot, but it sounds as you really care. She should also call the law or an abuse hotline. I know it was when she was young but it doesn't matter. She has had too much, and needs some stability in her life! You might be just that. And take her to church you both can get great strength, from god. Good Luck, and help her!

Answer 5

Are you sure you simply don't want to "fix" her? You need to be aware of your motivation here. I would counsel with your pastor on what is really going on here, especially if you feel God is telling you to stick around.

What I hear is someone thinking that this woman has done something wrong, not been wronged. You need to make sure you understand the dynamics of a person who has lived with child abuse. It makes perfect sense that she would pick the wrong men to be involved with, and that could be you. If you really want to help her, then encourage her to get counseling if she hasn't.

Answer 6

She confided in you something very personal. And in that instance, your selfishness was replace with compassion. Don't worry about the future. No matter if you and her marry or not, she will always know that when she needed a friend the most, you were right there for her.

Answer 7

there r lot of kids who have been in a similiar situation like ur gf.ur being with her matters a lot to her.if u can do one thing increase her self worth,by loving her and telling her constantly that nuthg is wrong wit her.even who have had normal childhood make wrong choices . check ur heart and c,wt do u feel for her ,just compassion or smthg more .coz she does not need ur pity,she needs ur luv and support,and understanding.

Answer 8

you are making the right choice.she needs you to help direct her into the good that life can give her. she also needs to know that she isnt being judged by you or anyone else from now on and that the things that happened are not her fault. try to get her to go to church with you and then if she needs to she can talk with the pastor who will also help her through things. she is also what you needed to open your eyes to what love and life is all about. good luck and god bless you.

Answer 9

It took everything away from her to tell her secret. She is in need of therapy. Follow your heart, mind and soul. Sounds like you might be the real life version of a knight in shinning armor. I will pray that God heals her spirit.

Keshia

Answer 10

be there for her, it's all you can do. maybe you could get her to press charges or something, or even just call any anonomous company and talk about it, show her that you are there for her and that she isn't alone. get her to open up to other people that have maybe been through the same thing. and take the man that isn't paying her a dime to court too! All you can do is be there for her and listen.