can you give me your opinion about this poem please?

Question

Words Before Demise

Have you ever dared to think?
Putting all your assumptions at the risk,
Of sober search for a missing link,
Once it was ignored, then thought to be lost?

Earth is fed up with filth and sinners,
Rage has pillaged faith from the heart.
Fears and courage unite in a challenge,
And thus, we are doomed to revive our past

I see humans growing to apes
In the kingdom of Id, screaming to survive,
Where memories and emotions lose their shapes,
Yet deluding illusions are still alive.


Renegade living, uncertain we die;
Suspecting what is always hard to deny
Ask more! You're hard to satisfy
And end to Invent but another kind of lie.

Emerging from the bellies, rushing into dust,
In a hysterical race, we slay innocent trust.
We deceitfully hope not to hope at all,
To find ourselves with a hope at last

well yes it is somehow dark. I wrote it about three years ago.

Answer 1

The ryhme scheme needs work.

Answer 2

Sounds like Ecclisiastes

1 The words of the Teacher, [a] son of David, king in Jerusalem:

2 "Meaningless! Meaningless!"
says the Teacher.
"Utterly meaningless!
Everything is meaningless."

3 What does man gain from all his labor
at which he toils under the sun?

4 Generations come and generations go,
but the earth remains forever.

5 The sun rises and the sun sets,
and hurries back to where it rises.

6 The wind blows to the south
and turns to the north;
round and round it goes,
ever returning on its course.

7 All streams flow into the sea,
yet the sea is never full.
To the place the streams come from,
there they return again.

8 All things are wearisome,
more than one can say.
The eye never has enough of seeing,
nor the ear its fill of hearing.

9 What has been will be again,
what has been done will be done again;
there is nothing new under the sun.

10 Is there anything of which one can say,
"Look! This is something new"?
It was here already, long ago;
it was here before our time.

11 There is no remembrance of men of old,
and even those who are yet to come
will not be remembered
by those who follow.

Now, that's not a BAD thing, mind you. The whole book is basically a treatise on why everything sucks...except for GOD.
Now, the poem itself? How can I interpret something so personal to you? It's like you're asking me to tell your emotions are pretty.
Structurally, it's a good poem. Conceptually, it has a dark truth to it. I actually like it, despite the depressed connotations.

Answer 3

After all the vain seeking, you finally resolved not to seek,
So you surrendered your desire for anything at all,
and it was then that you found hope for the world.

(Very descriptive of a horrified soul who went through the painful process of accepting the naked truth that the world and everything in it as mere illusions and therefore cannot be trusted. This is a product of an intelligent observation.)

Answer 4

I only think to understand the middle part
an inverse evolution where humans are in nowhere land between animals and humans, the only thing that is still there are the illusions.

for the rest the poem is a bit too chaotic for me.

Answer 5

Somewhat harsh and too realistic! As a poem, it is good expression of a kind of pessimism and weak hope! (after three years, what do you feel now, i wonder!)

Answer 6

You have good ideas in there. Lots of deep thoughts. If you want it to be a great poem, try not using the obviously line after line rhyming. Good luck :)

Here is a sample of my own writing since you seem to enjoy poetic prose. I too have a problem with rhyming too much. Just so you do not think i was being rude by telling you that you need some work. Here ya go.

I am about to jump off the edge, I needed to clear my head, so I cut off all my hair , just to feel the air, it caresses the back of my neck , and surrounds me like a shipwreck……I could get used to this feeling, a slow gentle healing, a freedom for the soul, a freedom no one knows, they laughed when I said so, but they didn't know, that I could soar with my soul.

Or if you prefer the darker side of emotion.

..my skull in pain... it abrogates this comfort of mine..but i shant complain...although its as if,like by some dark design...like black clouds full with rain...oh but dont disdain...so i hold my breath with hope....and will i wait in vain?...
....i see this existence so much like a pendulum .. back n forth..on contrary wings...back n forth...oh and life entails so very many things....i hate this lack of action... i wonder what it means...definately not the cessation of all life...nor the umbrage of strife..but i begin to comprehend..that all things have time...begin and END.

Answer 7

the poem is really good. i liked it..
well, it is very much about the disintegration of simple, moral human existence and degeneration into a pile of crap... though we have material pleasures much more than before.... we arent satisfied as we have lost somewhere what made us happy ages ago.....

Answer 8

Cool, sounds like Pink Floyd. I liked it.
You're a poet, and didn't even know it.
And very handsome.

Answer 9

Sounds like misanthropic stuff.

I think you are doing apes an injustice here ;-)

Answer 10

Too Rhymy for my taste, but good. I get it. I don't like the condition of the world either man. Rock on!

Answer 11

You need to work on your descriptive writing a little, but some good concepts! Keep it up :D